Etiquette Made Easy

Part 1

ETIQUETTE MADE EASY

Made Easy Series

ETIQUETTE MADE EASY

BY EDWARD SUMMERS SQUIER, M. A.

NEW YORK EDWARD J. CLODE

COPYRIGHT, 1919, BY EDWARD J. CLODE

All rights reserved

Entered at Stationers’ Hall

PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

PREFACE

THE POLITEST MAN of whom history has record was a Norwegian. A stranger in a town of Norway asked a passing native the way to a certain address. The native raised his hat, bowed, and said:

“Sir, I am very sorry, but I do not know.”

The stranger passed on. A few minutes later, he heard the sound of some one running behind him. He faced about, and recognized the native, who came, halted, and after a few deep breaths, said, while bowing with uplifted hat:

“Sir, after leaving you, I met my brother-in-law, and I regret to tell you, Sir, that he also does not know.”

In spite of this story with its Norwegian hero, first place is usually given to the French in matters of politeness. There is an old story that illustrates with remarkable precision the national traits of French, English and German. This has to do with the manner of lighting a cigar. The Frenchman strikes a match, offers the flame to his companions, then makes a light for himself. The Englishman lights his own cigar first, and then offers the match to his companions. The German lights his own cigar, then throws the match away. The brief recital contains something deeper than mere humor in its analysis of national characteristics. The consideration of the Frenchman for others is indeed the essential basis for all true courtesy. Genuine politeness has its root always in a very real regard for the feelings of others.

The ancient proverb declares that cleanliness is next to godliness. In fact, so far as concerns casual associations, cleanliness is the more important. We have ordinarily nothing to do with the morals of those whom we encounter for a few fugitive moments, but the most fleeting companionship with a dirty person is offensive, while a perfect cleanliness is always pleasing in its effect.

As a matter of fundamental courtesy toward others, we are required to keep ourselves clean. Such cleanliness may be excellent as a hygienic measure, but one most eminent physician has declared that bathing is not essential to health, and he offers in proof of his assertion the great number of old persons there are in the world.

But those aged unwashed would be repulsive in refined society. Their condition would distress others. Quite involuntarily, they would thus be guilty of discourtesy.

The principle of consideration for others that exalts cleanliness as a virtue is the principle that actually fashions all the essential forms of politeness. At a decent dinner-table, one must not smack his lips, or make loud noises in taking soup from the spoon, for the simple reason that such behavior will annoy others. Often, a sympathetic person, absolutely untaught in the niceties of etiquette, will do the right thing by a natural instinct of kindliness, where another individual of polite breeding will do the wrong from sheer lack of that fellow-feeling which gives understanding.

Nevertheless, while the noblest courtesy must spring always from the heart, common convenience has settled on definite methods of deportment for various occasions. Ignorance of these details as to proper conduct is not a matter to be contemned, but one to be regretted, because a person thus ignorant, no matter how kindly his intention, must often disturb others by failure to do the expected thing in the expected way. In other words, he lacks knowledge of what are termed the proprieties. It is with the intention of offering assistance to those finding themselves in doubt as to the niceties of deportment that this book has been prepared.

It is arranged with the contents in alphabetical order, so that the topics are self-indexed.

In addition to the bulk of information set forth in the following pages, there needs only one direction of importance.

This is based on the ancient saying: “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.” Practically every community has its local customs, and these are always to be respected. There is nothing more snobbish than criticism by a stranger of social forms that are well established. It is always his duty to respect them and to observe them. Otherwise, he displays that lack of consideration for others which is the root of all rudeness. One sympathetically disposed toward his fellows who avails himself of the information in this book may rest confident in the assurance that he is indeed the possessor of good manners.

CONTENTS

PAGE AT HOMES 13 BACHELOR HOSTS 23 BALLS 26 BREAKFASTS 31 CALLS 34 CARDS 45 DINNERS 61 GARDEN-PARTIES 70 HOUSE-PARTIES 75 INTRODUCTIONS 84 LETTERS 95 LUNCHEONS 103 MOURNING 106 MUSICALES 113 OPERA 117 PRIVATE THEATRICALS 121 RECEPTIONS 122 SMOKING 123 STAIRS 124 STREET ETIQUETTE 125 TABLE MANNERS 128 TEAS 133 THEATER-PARTIES 134 WEDDINGS 141

Etiquette Made Easy

AT HOMES

THE AFTERNOON TEA is perhaps the most popular of social functions, and deservedly so, since it is essentially of the utmost simplicity, yet may be expanded into a most elaborate social affair. In the original simple form, the hostess merely welcomes her guests as they come to her on her regular day at home, in the drawing-room, and there offers them a cup of tea served by herself and light refreshments of sandwiches and cakes and the like.

Part 2

The next development in the tea is in the nature of a small afternoon reception, or at home. For this occasion, the hostess issues invitations a week in advance. A visiting-card serves the purpose, with a line written below the name:

Wednesday, June fourth from four until seven o’clock

If there is to be a guest of honor, an additional line may indicate the fact:

To meet........................

The procedure for the hostess at a function of this sort is more formal. It is usual to have the refreshments in the dining-room, though they should not be of an elaborate character. The teapot is placed at one end of the table, and presided over by some friend, since the obligations of the hostess prevent her rendering this hospitable service in person.

The third stage of the afternoon tea has come to take the place of the old-time reception, though it bears merely the designation “At Home.”

The requisite invitations must be sent out any time from a week to a fortnight before the date set. For these, an engraved form is essential. They are printed on heavy white bristol board, of the quality described for dinner-invitations, and inclosed in a single envelope. They may be issued in the name of the hostess alone, or in the names of a hostess and her daughter or daughters, or in the names of husband and wife—though this last is a very modern innovation. The following will serve as a model:

_Mrs. James French Putnam

At Home

April the seventh

From four until seven o’clock

208 Flagg Avenue_

If the husband joins with the wife in issuing the invitations, the only change is in the first line:

Mr. and Mrs. James French Putnam

Where a daughter is to receive with her mother, the girl’s name appears just below that of the matron:

Mrs. James French Putnam

Miss Putnam

Where there are two or more daughters thus associated with the mother, they are included under one title. Thus:

Mrs. James French Putnam

The Misses Putnam

When a younger sister is to appear at her début, her name in full is given a line after those of her mother and elder sister:

Mrs. James French Putnam

Miss Putnam

Miss Helen Louise Putnam

In the event of a guest of honor, the invitation may emphasize the presence of this personage by a special engraved announcement at the head of the invitation:

To meet

......................................

The remainder of the invitation will follow any of the forms indicated above.

Part 3

Or the announcement may appear in one engraved line at the foot of the invitation:

To meet................................

At a reception of this character, the hostess is obliged to remain on duty near the door of the drawing-room throughout the hours set. But a husband or daughter receiving with her, though expected to join her in receiving the guests at the outset and for a considerable time afterward, is not so rigidly held to the one place, but after a time may properly move about among the guests with hospitable intent.

But a débutante must remain at the post of duty with her mother throughout the whole time.

In recent years, there has developed a pleasant custom by which the débutante invites a number of her young friends to join her in receiving the other guests. It is usual to entertain these at dinner after the reception.

The refreshments for an occasion of this sort are served in the dining-room with servants in attendance. Tea is poured at one end of the table, and perhaps chocolate at the other, while a bowl of punch is commonly at hand. The refreshments are of the buffet variety, but they may be as rich and varied as the hostess chooses. At such functions in the city, it is usual to lay a strip of carpet from the house door to the curb, and an awning raised over this offers protection to the guests in inclement weather. Where the list of guests is long, a liveried servant at the curb not only opens the doors of the motors, but also issues checks by which the cars may be summoned for the departure of the guests.

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