Part 7

There is a tendency at present to give the name in full on the card. For example, Mrs. John James Smith, or Miss Maude MacArthur.

It is permissible for the senior matron of a family to use only the family name on her card with the prefix: for example, Mrs. Fuller. It is more common, however, to omit the Christian name of an eldest daughter who is unmarried: Miss Fuller. The other daughters require the Christian name on their cards: Miss Mary Fuller, Miss Gladys Fuller.

The tendency in this country is strongly against the omission of the name in either of the above cases. Although it is perfectly correct as a social usage, it is opposed to the spirit of our institutions.

There is some variation in the use of the name on the card in the case of a widow. It is within the woman’s choice whether she will continue to use the Christian name of her husband on the card, or will put her own in place of it. In other words, she may use the same cards after the death of her husband as before if she prefers, or she may follow the Mrs. with her own Christian name. A common form to-day gives the woman’s Christian name and the surname to which she was born and finally the surname of her husband. A present vogue permits also the use of only the two surnames, without the Christian name. Thus, Mary Brown marries James Robinson. The husband dies and the widow changes her visiting-cards, which have read, Mrs. James Robinson, so that they now read, Mrs. Mary Robinson. Then presently she grows ambitious socially and has her cards changed to read, Mrs. Mary Brown Robinson. Soon, she seizes on a newer style, and again changes her cards in accordance with it to read, Mrs. Brown Robinson.

It should be noted that the variations in cards practised by widows are used also by divorced women. And when a divorcée resumes her maiden name she properly uses with it the prefix Mrs., not Miss.

As a matter of strict propriety, a girl during her first social season does not formally use an individual card. Her name appears below that of her mother in the same lettering. When making calls unaccompanied by her mother, the latter’s name is crossed out with a pencil mark.

Where two daughters of nearly the same age are concerned, both are included on the mother’s card by the words The Misses, followed by the family name.

The above details are applied especially to a débutante in the first season. Afterward, a young woman uses her own individual card when calling alone. But this card should not carry on it the day at home. The at-home statement appears on the mother’s individual card. It is given also on the card combining the names of mother and daughter. The combination card may with correctness be frequently used in appropriate circumstances until the daughter’s marriage.

The notice of the day at home is placed in the lower left-hand corner of the card. Only the day of the week is given, or with such qualification as may be required if the at-home day is not of weekly recurrence. The hours should not be specified unless they are a distinct variation from the customary time, between three and six. In addition, a time limit to the at homes may be specified. Thus, Fridays until March. Of course, the beginning is set for any individual by reception of the card.

A married woman finds frequent use for a card in combination with her husband, though this by no means takes the place of her individual cards, and, while it bears the address in the lower right-hand corner, does not usually give the at-home day. This card may properly be used for those formal occasions in which her husband is concerned. For example, it may fittingly accompany a gift from husband and wife. It serves also for announcing a marriage with the residence of the bridal couple.

A man’s visiting-card always carries the prefix Mr. The single exception to this is when Jr. follows the name. The name is commonly given in full, but it is permissible to use only the initial of the middle name. It is strictly proper for the male head of a family to use only the family name on his card, preceded by Mr. Thus, the head of the Smiths—could he be located—might use on his visiting-card merely Mr. Smith, instead of Mr. John Smith.

The home address appears in the lower right-hand corner of the card, and a bachelor may add also the name of a club in the lower left-hand corner. The business address, of course, should never appear on the card used for social purposes. Likewise, a day at home should not be given by a bachelor even though he may entertain regularly.

It is a safe rule to avoid titles on the visiting-cards of men as of women. The only exceptions are in instances little likely to concern the average reader of this book. Such instances are afforded by the President of the United States, the Vice-President, Ambassadors, the higher Judiciary, Army and Navy Officers, clergymen and physicians. The custom in the army, however, forbids any prefix except plain Mr. to an officer below the rank of Captain.

In the case of all officers the nature of his command is properly stated in a lower corner of the card.

Lawyers and physicians should have only the home address on the card used for social purposes. Another card with the business address should be used for business purposes. But Dr. is properly used by the physician in place of Mr. on his visiting-cards. Likewise, a clergyman uses Reverend, or its abbreviation Rev., on all his cards, which are commonly identical for both social and professional uses.

The letters indicative of degrees are not given after the name on the visiting-card, though a single exception is sometimes made by clergymen who omit Rev. before their names and, in lieu of it, use D.D. following the name.

When it becomes necessary, for any reason, to write one’s name on a visiting-card, the prefix Mr. should be given, following the ordinary form of the engraved card.

Care should be taken in the case of mourning-cards to avoid a too ostentatious parade of grief by an unduly broad margin of black. Somewhat less than a half inch is permissible for a widow’s card, and, after the first year, it is well to have this width reduced. Often, other reductions in the size of the border are made at intervals of six months, as long as the period of mourning continues.

The card of a widower must carry a border proportionately narrower, as its size is smaller than a woman’s card, but the decrease in width is made after the same manner.

When a woman elects to remain in mourning permanently, the narrow black border may be retained throughout her lifetime.

It is not customary to make variations in the mourning border for the commemoration of persons other than husband or wife. For these, a fitting width is about a twelfth part of an inch, which remains the same throughout the period of mourning.

When a call is made on a day at home, the card or cards are commonly left in the hall on a tray placed for that purpose. A married woman calling on the at-home day of another married woman for the first time in the season leaves her own card and two of her husband’s cards. But in later calls on the at-home day she leaves her card and the two cards of her husband’s only when the call acknowledges entertainment offered to them by the hostess.

There has been considerable simplification in recent years as to the leaving of cards. They are no longer weirdly bent in sign of delivery in person, and a smaller number are used. Thus, though the hostess referred to above may have unmarried daughters receiving with her, cards for them need not be left. But the presence of a married daughter or a friend formally assisting in the reception of the guests requires the leaving of a card.

A woman leaves no cards for the men of the family where she visits.

It is the business of the wife to fulfill her husband’s formal social duties by leaving his cards with hers whenever entertainment should be acknowledged.

Where two spinsters share a residence, a woman caller, the first time in the season, should leave two of her cards, and also, if she is a married woman, two of her husband’s. So, too, a card should be left for a daughter or sister who is hostess of the house, even though she may be unmarried.

When an unmarried girl uses her individual card, she should follow the procedure indicated for the matron in the use of hers. Or she may use the combination card of her mother and herself as already described above.

A call on a mother and daughter who are out requires the leaving of two cards. The same procedure is necessary in the case of a hostess who has a friend staying with her. Likewise, a call made on a friend who is a guest in another’s house demands the leaving of two cards. This rule applies in the case of a man as well as of a woman. It should be observed that two cards are deemed sufficient in most cases. Where, however, the hostess has a guest staying with her and also daughters of her own, three cards are to be left.