Part 14

In this form, a man is presented to a woman, and this is the rule to be generally observed. It is admissible for the introduction to contain an expression of the man’s wish for it.

“Mrs. Smith, Mr. Jones desires to be presented to you.”

Slight variations in the phrasing of these forms are permitted. For example, after saying, “Mrs. Smith, let me present Mr. Jones,” it is proper to add some such phrase as, “He is very anxious to meet you.”

It is always a mark of courtesy to request a lady’s permission in advance of the actual introduction. When introductions are to be made between a woman, who is a newcomer, and an assembly of guests, the newcomer is given the formal distinction of receiving the introductions.

“Miss Brown, let me present Mrs. Robinson, Miss Robinson, Miss Helen Robinson, Mr. Jones, Mr. Truesdale.”

Often, the form of introduction is curtailed, especially when the company is numerous. In such case, merely the names are spoken, that of the stranger having first place.

“Miss Brown—Mrs. Robinson, Miss Robinson, Miss Helen Robinson, Mr. Jones, Mr. Truesdale.”

Care must be taken to remember that the person to whom the introduction is made has the place of honor. It is on this account that the rule of proper procedure requires the presentation of a man to a woman, and always the presentation of the inferior to the superior, although the distinction is usually purely theoretical. For example, an unmarried woman should be presented to a matron. So, the younger person should be presented to his or her elders; the ordinary person should be presented to the person of distinction. Where men or women are of nearly equal age or station, it is safer not to discriminate between them by presenting one to the other. It is enough merely to name them.

“Mr. Smith, Mr. Robinson.” Or: “Mrs. Jones, Mrs. Brown.”

It is a part of good tact on the part of a host or hostess in making introductions to add a few words of explanation as to some particular interest of each, which may be of assistance to them at the beginning of their conversation.

In every instance, the greatest care should be taken by the person making an introduction to pronounce both names with the utmost clearness. Nothing is more annoying than an indistinct mumble that leaves the hearers uninformed.

When, for any reason, one fails to understand a stranger’s name at the time of introduction, it is permissible to ask it.

“Pardon me, but I did not understand the name.”

There are some variations that should be noted as to the manner of acknowledging an introduction. In her own home, a woman should offer her hand, while saying, “Mrs. Smith, I am very glad to meet you,” or any similar phrase of cordial greeting. But such a cordial phrase is not to be used by a woman when a man is presented to her, unless she is the hostess. A man, on the contrary, on receiving his introduction to a lady, should express his appreciation in a courteous sentence.

“I am very glad to meet you, Miss Robinson.”

The tendency to-day is toward elimination of handshaking by women on the occasion of an introduction, except in the case of a hostess. A slight bow of the head, a smile and the repetition of the stranger’s name are deemed enough. But many women still prefer a less formal manner, and give their hand when an introduction is made.

It is the duty of a hostess to stand up when receiving an introduction. This applies equally whether the stranger is a man or a woman. But a woman other than the hostess, when a member of a group, remains seated during any introduction to her unless it is of one her superior in age or station, whom she should honor by rising. Otherwise, it is preferable for a woman to stand in acknowledging an introduction of one of her own sex, though she should remain seated when a man is presented to her.

In England, it is usual to omit introductions among those gathered in the same house, and guests are expected to conduct themselves as acquaintances without this formality. In our country, however, the custom has not prevailed to any considerable extent, and it is not ordinarily proper for strangers to address each other without having been introduced, even though they are fellow-guests.

A hostess should introduce all her guests one to another at ordinary dinner-parties, luncheons, or breakfasts. But, in the case of very large dinner-parties, she is required only to introduce those who are to be partners at table, though it is advisable for her to make other introductions to any extent convenient. At the table, however, introductions should be carefully avoided. If the women leave the table before the men, other introductions may be made among them in the drawing-room. The men, too, on returning to the drawing-room may be presented to such women as they have not already met.

When a hostess receives at home, she should introduce each new arrival to some of the guests who are near by. If she has an assistant in receiving, each guest should be presented. On formal occasions, it is not her duty to go about among the guests in order to introduce them.

The hostess at a large ball follows a similar course of conduct. But in less formal affairs she should be at pains to see that no guest is neglected, and that each, as far as possible, has a due share in the dancing.

It is especially desirable on all formal occasions, such as large balls for example, that a man wishing to present a friend to a woman should first privately ask her permission.

Introductions of a very casual sort should never be taken too seriously. This applies particularly to those made in a public place, such as the street, when a person accompanied by a friend meets an acquaintance, who is a stranger to that friend, and there is a pause for a brief chat. Usually, there is no occasion for an introduction under these circumstances, and if one is made it may be afterward ignored. As a matter of fact, only a rather extensive conversation between the acquaintances would justify an introduction. Perfunctory introductions of those temporarily associated in a game on the tennis court, or the like, are to be regarded as equally casual, and not of a sort necessitating subsequent recognition.

Introductions may be formally made by letter. In such case, the letter should deal exclusively with the introduction. There is no set form, but the following will serve as a sufficient guide, to be varied according to personal inclination:

Burlington, Vermont. June 1, 1919.

My dear Mrs. Smith:

It gives me great pleasure to introduce to you my friend, Miss Truesdale, who is about to visit relatives in your city. I shall deeply appreciate any courtesy you may show her.

With kindest regards to yourself and Mr. Smith, I am,