The Servant's Behaviour Book

CHAPTER I.. _of the Voice and Speaking._

OF THE VOICE AND SPEAKING.

+Never let your voice be heard by the ladies and gentlemen of the house except when necessary, and then as little as possible.+

This piece of advice cannot be too well remembered. It is needed by almost all young girls on their first entering service, and great is the annoyance thus caused to their employers. Every girl who wishes to live in a gentleman’s family must learn, sooner or later, to keep guard over her tongue, and it is best to begin at once, before her neglect has called upon her the reproofs of the family.

In order that you, my readers, may the better understand how to follow out this rule, I will give you a few more particular directions about your voice and speaking, which will help you in those cases where you will, without caution, be most likely to forget yourself. In reading these directions you must remember that they should guide your conduct towards any grown-up lady or gentleman who may be in the house, although for the sake of shortness, I shall generally name only your mistress.

+Never begin to talk to your mistress, unless it be to deliver a message, or ask a necessary question. Even then, do it as shortly as possible.+

Many young girls who are fond of talking will make a common message an excuse for a long conversation. I had a nursemaid once who did this, and if I tell you how she did it, you will perhaps see how tiresome it must have been, and take care not to fall into the same error.

As I was leaving the nursery one day, Mary made the following speech:--

“If you please, ma’am, as we were turning the corner to-day, round by the Red Lion, Master Willy said to me, ‘Look, Mary, Fanny has a hole in her boot.’ I thought it very odd, but when I looked, ma’am, Miss Fanny was running, and she threw up her feet behind, so I saw a little hole quite plain, ma’am, and it had let a little stone in, and don’t you think, ma’am, I might take it over to Mr. Green’s to be mended when we go out to-morrow morning?”

Perhaps you see no harm in this; but you will understand how wearisome it was to me to stand listening to this long story, when I remind you that Mary might have said all that was necessary in these few words: “Miss Fanny’s boots want mending, ma’am; shall I take them to Mr. Green’s to-morrow?”

I will give you one more example, then I am sure you will understand how to avoid this fault of Mary’s and of so many young girls. I once asked Mary how her sick father was; she answered,

“I got a letter from mother to-day, ma’am, and she says, it is hard to write while she has so much waiting to do; but father slept a little, and she took the pen just to tell me his eyes looked a little brighter, and he had taken a little of his favourite dish,--that’s stewed beef, ma’am,--and so she thought at the time that he must be better; and before she sealed the letter, Mr. Turner,--that’s the doctor, ma’am, that comes from the club that father pays weekly--he came in, and said father was much better, thank you, ma’am.”

It was very natural for Mary to like to talk of her sick father; yet when she had been with me a few months longer she would not have occupied me so long, because I asked her a simple question. She would have remembered, that however interesting it was to her to know that her father liked stewed beef, or that Mr. Turner was the club doctor, and to dwell on all other particulars that concerned her parents whom she loved, yet, I was not the person to whom she had a right to relate all these things unasked, and would have answered simply, “Thank you, ma’am, I have heard from my mother to-day, and father is much better.”

Never preface any thing you have to say, but say it simply. By prefacing, I mean using some unnecessary beginning, as “I was going to say, ma’am,” “I wanted to ask you, ma’am,” “I have been intending several times to tell you, ma’am,” and so on. Such beginnings are quite useless, and not only consume time, but sound familiar and awkward. It is better to ask, say, or tell, at once, as “Shall I go, ma’am?” “If you please, ma’am, I want some new dusters,” &c. &c. This habit of prefacing grows so much on those who fall into it, that it becomes difficult to them to say anything simply; it should therefore be guarded against at the beginning.

Sometimes a kind mistress will ask questions, and encourage a servant to speak of her family, and her own affairs. There can then be no harm in doing so. But if this should happen to you, remember two things: first, be sure you are careful to talk only as much as you see is agreeable to your mistress, and take the first hint to stop--such as your mistress’ changing the subject, or sending you to do, or fetch something; and secondly, never think, because your mistress has chosen to have a little friendly talk with you on one occasion,--perhaps while she warmed her hands at your fire, or while you helped her to undress--that she means to throw aside all reserve, and will like you to chat on in the same way another time, without encouragement.

Suppose this conversation takes place down stairs, and your mistress goes away, and soon after rings for tea, do not, when you go up, begin the conversation again; but go in just as quietly as if she had not been talking to you a few moments before. By doing this, you will show her that she may talk kindly and freely to you when she has time and inclination, without fear of making your manner the less respectful to her at other times.

If you are an only servant, this is the more important, as it is very dull for you to have no companion, and a kind mistress, feeling this, will like often to talk to you when she has time to do so; but should she find her kindness makes you familiar, she will soon leave off conversing with you.

I know many ladies who have repented having spoken familiarly to their servants, finding that the girls have misunderstood their kindness, and sometimes have gone so far as to begin talking about their own affairs in the drawing-room. One lady who was thus annoyed, told me that she always took up a book and appeared to read, before she rang the bell, hoping thus to keep the girl from stopping to talk when she came up. I am sure it would have been kind to tell this young creature how improper her conduct was; but the lady did not like to do so, and as even the book did not restrain her, she was sent away. I know she left two good places after this, within a few months, and then went into a small shopkeeper’s family, where she was remaining when last I heard of her. It is, perhaps, scarcely fair to expect that a lady should take upon herself the trouble of teaching good manners to every servant who may come into her service; but had this girl chanced to meet with a mistress who was willing to take the trouble of speaking to her several times of this, and other similar faults, resulting from the same want of respect to those placed over her, she would not have had to go back from gentlemen’s families to a common place.

I need scarcely tell you never to speak when you go in to take up coals, lay a cloth, sweep up crumbs, or dust, or to do anything else in a room where a lady or gentleman may be sitting, either alone or with others.

There is, however, one little distinction to be made between your mistress and any other lady. There may be many things you need to ask or to tell your mistress, and when there is something necessary to say, there can be no harm in speaking; but it should be done in a respectful way; not while you are kneeling to sweep, or laying a cloth, but when you have done your work in the room, standing by the door, as I shall tell you by and by. It is also better to speak on any domestic matter when your mistress may chance to be in the kitchen--or even in her bedroom, if you can manage it--rather than when she is in the drawing-room. In the kitchen or bedroom she is more likely to have her thoughts disengaged, and at liberty to attend to domestic concerns; but many occasions will arise when you will need to see your mistress without waiting for such an opportunity, and you will then be obliged to go in to her, and it will not signify much, provided you remember to stay as short a time as possible. You should, in such a case, go in and shut the door, standing by it, and it will be well to begin by saying, “I beg your pardon, ma’am, but will you be so kind as to tell me--” Do not fancy that any lady will think this strange, or stare at you for saying it. It is only common civility. The girls I have with me now, always beg my pardon, or use some such words of apology, if they come in and speak to me unasked. I did not tell them to do so, but they are well behaved, respectful servants, and they feel that it is proper to show me this consideration. If you feel shy at using these words of apology, you may still enter and speak in a gentle and respectful manner which shows you are sensible of intruding, a manner which implies an apology. If your mistress should be with company, it is still less desirable to interrupt her; yet there are cases where even this must be done--but they are very seldom. In such a case you should merely say at the door, “Can I speak to you, ma’am?” and your mistress will come out. No questions must be asked before strangers.

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