CHAPTER I.. _of the Voice and Speaking._

OF THE VOICE AND SPEAKING.

+Never let your voice be heard by the ladies and gentlemen of the house except when necessary, and then as little as possible.+

This piece of advice cannot be too well remembered. It is needed by almost all young girls on their first entering service, and great is the annoyance thus caused to their employers. Every girl who wishes to live in a gentleman’s family must learn, sooner or later, to keep guard over her tongue, and it is best to begin at once, before her neglect has called upon her the reproofs of the family.

In order that you, my readers, may the better understand how to follow out this rule, I will give you a few more particular directions about your voice and speaking, which will help you in those cases where you will, without caution, be most likely to forget yourself. In reading these directions you must remember that they should guide your conduct towards any grown-up lady or gentleman who may be in the house, although for the sake of shortness, I shall generally name only your mistress.

+Never begin to talk to your mistress, unless it be to deliver a message, or ask a necessary question. Even then, do it as shortly as possible.+

Many young girls who are fond of talking will make a common message an excuse for a long conversation. I had a nursemaid once who did this, and if I tell you how she did it, you will perhaps see how tiresome it must have been, and take care not to fall into the same error.

As I was leaving the nursery one day, Mary made the following speech:--

“If you please, ma’am, as we were turning the corner to-day, round by the Red Lion, Master Willy said to me, ‘Look, Mary, Fanny has a hole in her boot.’ I thought it very odd, but when I looked, ma’am, Miss Fanny was running, and she threw up her feet behind, so I saw a little hole quite plain, ma’am, and it had let a little stone in, and don’t you think, ma’am, I might take it over to Mr. Green’s to be mended when we go out to-morrow morning?”

Perhaps you see no harm in this; but you will understand how wearisome it was to me to stand listening to this long story, when I remind you that Mary might have said all that was necessary in these few words: “Miss Fanny’s boots want mending, ma’am; shall I take them to Mr. Green’s to-morrow?”

I will give you one more example, then I am sure you will understand how to avoid this fault of Mary’s and of so many young girls. I once asked Mary how her sick father was; she answered,

“I got a letter from mother to-day, ma’am, and she says, it is hard to write while she has so much waiting to do; but father slept a little, and she took the pen just to tell me his eyes looked a little brighter, and he had taken a little of his favourite dish,--that’s stewed beef, ma’am,--and so she thought at the time that he must be better; and before she sealed the letter, Mr. Turner,--that’s the doctor, ma’am, that comes from the club that father pays weekly--he came in, and said father was much better, thank you, ma’am.”

It was very natural for Mary to like to talk of her sick father; yet when she had been with me a few months longer she would not have occupied me so long, because I asked her a simple question. She would have remembered, that however interesting it was to her to know that her father liked stewed beef, or that Mr. Turner was the club doctor, and to dwell on all other particulars that concerned her parents whom she loved, yet, I was not the person to whom she had a right to relate all these things unasked, and would have answered simply, “Thank you, ma’am, I have heard from my mother to-day, and father is much better.”

Never preface any thing you have to say, but say it simply. By prefacing, I mean using some unnecessary beginning, as “I was going to say, ma’am,” “I wanted to ask you, ma’am,” “I have been intending several times to tell you, ma’am,” and so on. Such beginnings are quite useless, and not only consume time, but sound familiar and awkward. It is better to ask, say, or tell, at once, as “Shall I go, ma’am?” “If you please, ma’am, I want some new dusters,” &c. &c. This habit of prefacing grows so much on those who fall into it, that it becomes difficult to them to say anything simply; it should therefore be guarded against at the beginning.

Sometimes a kind mistress will ask questions, and encourage a servant to speak of her family, and her own affairs. There can then be no harm in doing so. But if this should happen to you, remember two things: first, be sure you are careful to talk only as much as you see is agreeable to your mistress, and take the first hint to stop--such as your mistress’ changing the subject, or sending you to do, or fetch something; and secondly, never think, because your mistress has chosen to have a little friendly talk with you on one occasion,--perhaps while she warmed her hands at your fire, or while you helped her to undress--that she means to throw aside all reserve, and will like you to chat on in the same way another time, without encouragement.

Suppose this conversation takes place down stairs, and your mistress goes away, and soon after rings for tea, do not, when you go up, begin the conversation again; but go in just as quietly as if she had not been talking to you a few moments before. By doing this, you will show her that she may talk kindly and freely to you when she has time and inclination, without fear of making your manner the less respectful to her at other times.

If you are an only servant, this is the more important, as it is very dull for you to have no companion, and a kind mistress, feeling this, will like often to talk to you when she has time to do so; but should she find her kindness makes you familiar, she will soon leave off conversing with you.

I know many ladies who have repented having spoken familiarly to their servants, finding that the girls have misunderstood their kindness, and sometimes have gone so far as to begin talking about their own affairs in the drawing-room. One lady who was thus annoyed, told me that she always took up a book and appeared to read, before she rang the bell, hoping thus to keep the girl from stopping to talk when she came up. I am sure it would have been kind to tell this young creature how improper her conduct was; but the lady did not like to do so, and as even the book did not restrain her, she was sent away. I know she left two good places after this, within a few months, and then went into a small shopkeeper’s family, where she was remaining when last I heard of her. It is, perhaps, scarcely fair to expect that a lady should take upon herself the trouble of teaching good manners to every servant who may come into her service; but had this girl chanced to meet with a mistress who was willing to take the trouble of speaking to her several times of this, and other similar faults, resulting from the same want of respect to those placed over her, she would not have had to go back from gentlemen’s families to a common place.

I need scarcely tell you never to speak when you go in to take up coals, lay a cloth, sweep up crumbs, or dust, or to do anything else in a room where a lady or gentleman may be sitting, either alone or with others.

There is, however, one little distinction to be made between your mistress and any other lady. There may be many things you need to ask or to tell your mistress, and when there is something necessary to say, there can be no harm in speaking; but it should be done in a respectful way; not while you are kneeling to sweep, or laying a cloth, but when you have done your work in the room, standing by the door, as I shall tell you by and by. It is also better to speak on any domestic matter when your mistress may chance to be in the kitchen--or even in her bedroom, if you can manage it--rather than when she is in the drawing-room. In the kitchen or bedroom she is more likely to have her thoughts disengaged, and at liberty to attend to domestic concerns; but many occasions will arise when you will need to see your mistress without waiting for such an opportunity, and you will then be obliged to go in to her, and it will not signify much, provided you remember to stay as short a time as possible. You should, in such a case, go in and shut the door, standing by it, and it will be well to begin by saying, “I beg your pardon, ma’am, but will you be so kind as to tell me--” Do not fancy that any lady will think this strange, or stare at you for saying it. It is only common civility. The girls I have with me now, always beg my pardon, or use some such words of apology, if they come in and speak to me unasked. I did not tell them to do so, but they are well behaved, respectful servants, and they feel that it is proper to show me this consideration. If you feel shy at using these words of apology, you may still enter and speak in a gentle and respectful manner which shows you are sensible of intruding, a manner which implies an apology. If your mistress should be with company, it is still less desirable to interrupt her; yet there are cases where even this must be done--but they are very seldom. In such a case you should merely say at the door, “Can I speak to you, ma’am?” and your mistress will come out. No questions must be asked before strangers.

Now I think you will understand what I mean by saying, Never begin to talk to your mistress, unless it be to deliver a message, or ask a necessary question.

Before I pass on to the third rule about speaking, I should like to show you how reasonable this second rule is. It may at first appear to you that there is no reason why you should keep at such a distance from your mistress, or why you should not be allowed to speak as freely to her as to one of your fellow-servants,--that it would be happier for both were you to do so, and that only pride and unkindness can be the cause of such a distinction as I have been drawing. This is not at all the case, as I will show you. Do you know that all the rules I have been teaching to you are taught to many ladies and gentlemen as rich and clever as your own master and mistress? Your master, at your age, probably had some teacher, or some superior in an office or counting-house, towards whom he had to be just as respectful as you ought now to be to him. In all government offices and places where gentlemen are employed, there are heads and governors, who must not be spoken to by those lower in office, except in just such cases as you may speak to those placed over you. Every one in the land has some such superior in station, till you rise to dukes and princes, who are compelled to observe with a king or queen, exactly such strict rules as I have been laying down for you. It would be easy to show you, in every case, why these rules are necessary, but as only your own case concerns you, I will keep to that.

If I were to tell you not to use your mistress’ bonnet or shawl, or even her umbrella or scissors, without her permission, you would understand at once the propriety and reasonableness of the direction. I think I can show you that it is just as proper and reasonable to refrain from using her time, without permission. Ladies have been educated in a very different manner to you. They have read many books, have travelled and seen many sights, talked with educated people, and know a great number of things about which you know nothing. It is not likely that you can have anything to say that will amuse or interest a lady. When she talks to you, it is in kindness, and all the pleasure of the talk is on your side. She talks down to your understanding and knowledge, as you do to the understanding and knowledge of a young child, who does not know a hundredth part of what you know. Were you to listen to the conversation of your mistress with her friends, it would often be very dull to you, because the talk would be of books, people, and events of which you have never heard, and would consist of many words you would not understand. Just as their conversation would be dull to you from its cleverness, so is yours dull to your mistress from its simplicity. Many things that appear to you witty and full of fun, would in no way amuse your mistress, but would seem as dull to her as a child’s wit to you. When a child throws down a doll, and says, “How funny!” you see no fun, but laugh to please the child; and so the joke that is too clever for the child amuses you, but has no fun in it to the lady whose understanding is much beyond yours. I had a servant once who took every opportunity of repeating to me the jokes of the tradesmen and her friends. Some of them seemed to me only coarse, and others stupid; and I never felt the least amused by any one of them, but only annoyed by the liberty she took in occupying my time with such nonsense. Yet perhaps she thought to entertain me.

There is sometimes a mistress rich but ill-educated. Such a mistress is almost sure to make companions of her servants, because her knowledge and ideas are nearer on a level with theirs. But a sensible girl will with just cause respect most, and like best to serve, the lady whose superior knowledge puts a natural barrier between them. In any case, a servant must rank below her mistress. How much more pleasant it is to give place to one who is really, and at all times, your superior, than to a natural equal, raised by the accident of possessing more money! It then follows, that the lady who always feels and observes a difference between herself and her servants, puts more dignity on them than the mistress who will allow full familiarity, except in the presence of strangers.

But we will suppose for a moment that a servant’s conversation could be amusing, and in all respects equal to that of her mistress. In such a case, were she at liberty to speak freely, her mistress would have no rest. Visitors, however pleasant, are very fatiguing for many days together; and few ladies will invite persons to stay in the house continually, and none at times when business, or trouble, or any other cause may exist for making quiet desirable. But were the barrier of which we have been speaking between mistress and servant once removed, no lady could ever secure quiet and solitude. She might refrain from inviting friends, and send her children out, or to the nursery; but servants must be in the house, and at liberty to go from room to room as their work calls them; and if they were to stand chatting at the door whenever the bell was rung, or to enter when they pleased for a gossip, the poor lady would be as ill off as if she were compelled to have three or four perpetual visitors;--how much worse, too, when we add, that these never-failing visitors would be persons whose talk was entirely uninteresting to her, and quite below her understanding!

We will now pass on to the third rule about speaking.

+Never talk to another servant, or person of your own rank, or to a child, in the presence of your mistress, unless from necessity; and then do it as shortly as possible, and in a low voice.+

When I say “a low voice,” I do not mean a whisper, which would be worse than the loudest voice, but an undertone.

Nothing can be more ill-bred, than for two servants to laugh and talk in their mistress’ presence. I should have thought that no girl of sense would need to be warned of this error, had I not seen very good, and in many respects well-behaved girls, fall into it. Rose was with me for some time, but I could never completely cure her of this failing, and two or three others similar to it. The consequence is, that she has never risen to a high place. Though as regards her work she is a first-rate servant, yet she could never stay long in gentlemen’s families, from the uncouthness of her manners; while Mary, the chatterbox, who cured her faults of manner before she left me, though an indifferent servant as regards work, being delicate and rather slow, is now earning very high wages as parlour-maid, in a family where two carriages are kept.

I do not mean that Rose, after being chidden once or twice, talked and laughed loud in my presence; but merely that she still continued to speak unnecessarily and freely to her fellow-servants while I was in the room. I will show you what I mean. I was once ill, and lay on the sofa for a few moments while my bed was being made by Rose and Mary. I asked Mary, “Has Baby had her new food to-day?”

Mary.--“Yes, ma’am.”

I.--“Did she like it without sugar?”

Mary.--“Yes, ma’am; pretty well.”

Rose.--“What! did she eat it without sugar?”

Mary feeling the impropriety of talking with Rose in my room, and yet not liking to make her no answer, nodded her head quietly, and I said again, “I should like to kiss her before she goes to bed.”

Rose to Mary.--“She is gone, isn’t she?”

Mary, not answering Rose, turned to me and said, “She is in bed, ma’am.”

This little conversation will show you, by Rose’s example, what to avoid, and, by Mary’s example, how to behave, if a young girl who does not know better speaks to you when a lady is present.

The same rule applies to children, and to any person of your own station, as a laundress or a charwoman, who may chance to speak to you freely when ladies are present.

I must, however, point out to you that, in some cases it is necessary to ask or answer a question. Suppose, in making the bed, Rose misses a pillow, she will properly say, “Mary, have you moved the pillow?” and Mary will, with propriety, answer, “No; but I saw nurse with it in her hand. I think it must be on the sofa,” or whatever else may lead to the finding of the pillow; but this will be in a quiet voice, and in as few words as possible.

Children are often very troublesome in talking to servants when they are laying a cloth, sweeping up crumbs, &c. Sometimes, if a child says, “Look at this!” or, “Oh, Mary, mamma has given me this!” you may nod and smile; but if questions are asked you by children, or a long story told, the best way is to appear not to hear. The child will probably receive a check from some one in the room, and will, in any case, soon learn that it is of no use to speak to you at such times. You may also yourself, when alone with the child, ask him not to talk to you when ladies and gentlemen are in the room, saying that you do not like to disturb them by talking yourself.

Suppose a child asks a question to which a nod or a smile will be no answer, and persists in asking it again and again, and is not checked by anyone in the room, it is best to go up to it and say in a low voice, “I will tell you another time,” or anything else that will answer the purpose.

A nursemaid, when in the nursery, may be much more free in speaking to children with the lady present, as it is understood then that her business is to attend to them; but her own good sense will show her that she should still say but little, and defer all stories, songs, and noises to the baby, till her mistress is gone; and that though she may answer questions, or speak to the children, she should do so in a quiet voice, and keep as much as she can in the background, leaving her mistress to enjoy the company of the children undisturbed.

+Never talk to a fellow-servant, a person of your own rank, or a child, in a passage or hall, a staircase, or any such place, unless strictly necessary, and then in an undertone, and as little as possible.+

If two servants meet, or are at work together, on a staircase or landing, or any place from which their voices may be heard in adjoining rooms--as under windows, in anterooms, &c., they should never converse. It is excessively annoying to those who are in the house to hear a hum of voices, and still worse, should the talking be nearer, to hear the conversation. When it is necessary to speak in such places, it should be in a low voice and few words. No rule is more often neglected than this by common servants, and no rule more strictly observed by servants accustomed to good places.

In a small house, where the kitchen is within hearing of the sitting rooms, be careful to shut the door before you begin to talk; and even then, avoid loud talking and laughing, as the murmur of it goes through the walls, and is very annoying to the family.

In a small house, remember also not to talk to friends or tradesmen at the street-doors. On opening to a friend who is coming in, say only, “How do you do?” or some few words, and save all talk till you are in the kitchen, and the door is shut. Never go along the hall and stairs talking.

I am sure you will see the propriety of this rule. Were servants to laugh and talk about the house, they would subject the family to the very annoyance for which children are often punished. In houses that contained children, all noises would be doubled; and in houses without them, the family would thus get the noise without the pleasure of them.

+Never call out from one room to another.+

It is sometimes very tiresome to be obliged to run up two or three flights of stairs to speak to or call down a fellow-servant or child; but there is no help for it; there must absolutely be no calling: the nuisance of it would be intolerable. If talking on the stairs is bad, calling is a hundred times worse.

+Always answer when you receive an order or reproof.+

When you are told to do anything, never omit to say, “Yes, ma’am,” or “sir,” in a voice that may be heard. If you do not answer, it may be supposed that you have not heard the order; or what is worse, it may be thought you are unwilling to obey. It is a common thing for ill-behaved and ill-tempered girls to give no answer to an order that they dislike; and it is natural, therefore, for a lady to attribute silence, in answer to a troublesome order, to ill-temper.

It is even more important to make answer to a reproof, as here you may the more easily be suspected of ill-temper. A civil answer generally puts an end to the anger of the person reproving. A girl who replies in an amiable way, “I am very sorry, ma’am, and will be more careful next time,” or whatever else may be suitable (provided that the words are sincere), does her best to mend her fault. Supposing that your temper is too irritable for you to command yourself enough to say so much, you can still say a word or two; as, “Yes, ma’am;” “I am very sorry, ma’am,”--to show that you have heard and understood. Silence at such a time is rude, ill-tempered, and likely to provoke more reproof.

There are, of course, many cases in which you must speak in the sitting-rooms: let this always be in a gentle voice; but when necessary to let more than one person hear you, or when speaking across the room, do not be afraid to make yourself heard. In announcing the name of a visitor, which should be heard by all in the room, speak loudly and distinctly; but in addressing a lady or gentleman at table, “Will you take water, sir?” or in saying “Thank you, sir,” to a person giving you anything, your voice should be low, as only the person by whom you stand need hear you. Indeed, your own sense will now guide you, and teach you how to carry out the injunction with which I began this chapter, namely,

+A servant’s voice should never be heard by the ladies and gentlemen of the house, except when necessary, and then as little as possible.+