Goops and How to Be Them

Part 1

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GOOPS AND HOW TO BE THEM

A Manual of Manners for Polite Infants Inculcating many Juvenile Virtues Both by Precept and Example With Ninety Drawings

By GELETT BURGESS

NEW YORK Frederick A. Stokes Company Publishers

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COPYRIGHT, 1900, BY GELETT BURGESS

TWENTY-THIRD PRINTING, MAY 9, 1935

Printed in the United States of America

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction Page 1 Table Manners--I 3 Table Manners--II 5 Cleanliness 7 Neatness 9 Courtesy 11 Generosity 13 Consideration 15 Miss Manners 17 Borrowing 19 Memory 21 Books 23 Honesty 25 "Why?" 27 Bed-Time 29 Modesty 31 Disfiguration 33 Bravery 35 Tidiness 37 Patience 39 Fortitude 41 George Adolphus 43 Politeness 45 Gentleness 47 Hospitality 49 Pets 51 Remember 53 Curiosity 55 Willy 57 Clothes 59 Helpfulness 61 Quietness 63 Order 65 Teasing 67 Interruption 69 Cry-Baby 71 Caution 73 Tardiness 75 Obedience 77 Church Headaches 79 Perseverance 81 Doll-Time 83 Combing and Curling 85 Cheerfulness 87

Of these Rhymes, ten first appeared in "St. Nicholas," and are here reprinted by permission of the Century Company.

INTRODUCTION

Let me introduce a Race Void of Beauty and of Grace, Extraordinary Creatures With a Paucity of Features. Though their Forms are fashioned ill, They have Manners stranger still; For in Rudeness they're Precocious, They're Atrocious, they're Ferocious! Yet you'll learn, if you are Bright, Politeness from the Impolite. When you've finished with the Book, At your Conduct take a Look; Ask yourself, upon the Spot, Are you Goop, or are you Not? For, although it's Fun to See them It is TERRIBLE to Be them!

TABLE MANNERS.--I.

The Goops they lick their fingers, And the Goops they lick their knives; They spill their broth on the tablecloth-- Oh, they lead disgusting lives! The Goops they talk while eating, And loud and fast they chew; And that is why I'm glad that I Am not a Goop--are you?

TABLE MANNERS.--II.

The Goops are gluttonous and rude, They gug and gumble with their food; They throw their crumbs upon the floor, And at dessert they tease for more; They will not eat their soup and bread But like to gobble sweets, instead, And this is why I oft decline, When I am asked to stay and dine!

CLEANLINESS

The Goops they are spotted on chin and on cheek, You could dig the dirt off with a trowel! But you wash your face twenty times every week, And you don't do it all with the towel!

The Goops are all dirty, and what do they do? They like to be dirty, and stay so. But if you were dirty, you'd wash, wouldn't you? If you needed a bath, you would say so!

NEATNESS

Goops leave traces everywhere-- Gum stuck underneath the chair, Muddy footprints in the hall, Show that Goops have been to call; Shoes and stockings on the floor Show where Goops have been before!

COURTESY

I wonder why it is polite In shaking hands, to give your right. I wonder why it is refined In passing one, to go behind. I wonder why it is well-bred, If you must sneeze, to turn your head. Perhaps the reason is because The Goops, they never have such laws!

GENEROSITY

When you have candy, do you go And give your sister half? When little brother stubs his toe, Do you look on and laugh?

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The greediest Goop would give away The things he didn't need-- To share the toys with which you play, That's generous, indeed!

CONSIDERATION

When you're old, and get to be Thirty-four or forty-three, Don't you hope that you will see Children all respect you?

Will they, without being told, Wait on you, when you are old, Or be heedless, selfish, cold? I hope they'll not neglect you!

MISS MANNERS

No matter how you wish For the last one on the dish, Miss Manners has a right to it, not you; And the largest one of all, Or the nicest, big or small-- Well, I think you'd better leave her that one too!

BORROWING

Whose doll is that on the table? Whose book is that on the chair? The knife and the pencils and other utensils, Now how do they come to be there?

Didn't you say they were borrowed? You'd better take back just a few! If you lent your playthings, I think you would say things If no one returned them to you!

MEMORY

My teacher taught me, yesterday, A very pretty piece to say; But when I try to think of it, I can't remember it a bit! My head's so full of toys and such, I can't remember very much!

My teacher told me yesterday "Work when you work; Play when you play!" When I am playing with my toys I am the busiest of boys; But when I study or I work I'm 'fraid I am inclined to shirk!

BOOKS

I have a notion The Books on the shelves Are just as much persons As we are, ourselves.

When you are older, You'll find this is true; You'd better be careful To make Books like you!

HONESTY

The boy who plays at marbles and doesn't try to cheat, Who always keeps his temper, no matter if he's beat, Is sure to be a favorite with all upon the street.

The girl who counts her hundreds very fairly, when she's "it" Who doesn't peep or listen, nor turn around a bit, I'm sure she's not a Goop, in fact, she's quite the opposite!

"WHY?"

Josephus never yet was heard To say but just one single word! When father said to go to bed, Then "Why?" was all Josephus said. When mother bade him stop his play, Then "Why?" Josephus used to say. He always made the same reply. 'Twas never anything but "WHY?"

BED-TIME

The night is different from the day-- It's darker in the night; How can you ever hope to play When it's no longer light?

When bed-time comes, it's time for you To stop, for when you're yawning, You should be dreaming what you'll do When it's to-morrow morning.

MODESTY

The proper time for you to show Whatever little tricks you know Is when grown people ask you to; Then you may show what you can do! But sometimes mother's head will ache With all the jolly noise you make, And sometimes other people, too, Can't spend the time to play with you!

DISFIGURATION

Have you ever seen the scrawls On the fences and the walls, All the horrid little pictures and the horrid little names? Don't you think it is a shame? Are the Goops the ones to blame? Did you ever catch them playing at their horrid little games?

BRAVERY

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It's terrible brave To try to save A girl on a runaway horse; You could do that, of course! But think of trying To keep from crying, When you're hungry and tired and cross-- You couldn't do that, of course!

TIDINESS

Little scraps of paper, Little crumbs of food, Make a room untidy, Everywhere they're strewed.

Do you sharpen pencils, Ever, on the floor? What becomes of orange-peels And your apple-core?

Can you blame your mother If she looks severe. When she says, "It looks to me As if the Goops were here"?

PATIENCE

The clock will go slow If you watch it, you know; You must work right along and forget it. So study your best Till it's time for a rest, The clock will go fast, if you let it!

FORTITUDE

When you have been a naughty child, Or taken more than was your share, When you've been sulky, cross or wild, You must not say, "Oh, I don't care!"

But when you hate to see it rain, And when it's time to comb your hair, And when you have a little pain, Then you can say, "Oh, I don't care!"

GEORGE ADOLPHUS

Oh, think what George Adolphus did! The children point and stare. He went where mother had forbid, And said he "didn't care!"

Oh, think what George Adolphus did! He made his mother cry! The children whoop "You are a Goop! Fie! George Adolphus, fie!"

POLITENESS

I think it would be lots of fun To be polite to every one; A boy would doff his little hat, A girl would curtsey, just like that!

And both would use such words as these: "Excuse me, Sir," and "If you please;" Not only just at home, you know, But everywhere that they should go.

GENTLENESS

When you are playing with the girls, You must not pull their pretty curls; If you are gentle when you play, You will be glad of it some day.

HOSPITALITY

When a person visits you, remember he's your guest, Receive him very kindly, and be sure he has the best; Make him very comfortable and show him all your toys, And only play the games you're very sure that he enjoys.

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