Part 1

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GOOPS AND HOW TO BE THEM

A Manual of Manners for Polite Infants Inculcating many Juvenile Virtues Both by Precept and Example With Ninety Drawings

By GELETT BURGESS

NEW YORK Frederick A. Stokes Company Publishers

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COPYRIGHT, 1900, BY GELETT BURGESS

TWENTY-THIRD PRINTING, MAY 9, 1935

Printed in the United States of America

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction Page 1 Table Manners--I 3 Table Manners--II 5 Cleanliness 7 Neatness 9 Courtesy 11 Generosity 13 Consideration 15 Miss Manners 17 Borrowing 19 Memory 21 Books 23 Honesty 25 "Why?" 27 Bed-Time 29 Modesty 31 Disfiguration 33 Bravery 35 Tidiness 37 Patience 39 Fortitude 41 George Adolphus 43 Politeness 45 Gentleness 47 Hospitality 49 Pets 51 Remember 53 Curiosity 55 Willy 57 Clothes 59 Helpfulness 61 Quietness 63 Order 65 Teasing 67 Interruption 69 Cry-Baby 71 Caution 73 Tardiness 75 Obedience 77 Church Headaches 79 Perseverance 81 Doll-Time 83 Combing and Curling 85 Cheerfulness 87

Of these Rhymes, ten first appeared in "St. Nicholas," and are here reprinted by permission of the Century Company.

INTRODUCTION

Let me introduce a Race Void of Beauty and of Grace, Extraordinary Creatures With a Paucity of Features. Though their Forms are fashioned ill, They have Manners stranger still; For in Rudeness they're Precocious, They're Atrocious, they're Ferocious! Yet you'll learn, if you are Bright, Politeness from the Impolite. When you've finished with the Book, At your Conduct take a Look; Ask yourself, upon the Spot, Are you Goop, or are you Not? For, although it's Fun to See them It is TERRIBLE to Be them!

TABLE MANNERS.--I.

The Goops they lick their fingers, And the Goops they lick their knives; They spill their broth on the tablecloth-- Oh, they lead disgusting lives! The Goops they talk while eating, And loud and fast they chew; And that is why I'm glad that I Am not a Goop--are you?

TABLE MANNERS.--II.

The Goops are gluttonous and rude, They gug and gumble with their food; They throw their crumbs upon the floor, And at dessert they tease for more; They will not eat their soup and bread But like to gobble sweets, instead, And this is why I oft decline, When I am asked to stay and dine!

CLEANLINESS

The Goops they are spotted on chin and on cheek, You could dig the dirt off with a trowel! But you wash your face twenty times every week, And you don't do it all with the towel!

The Goops are all dirty, and what do they do? They like to be dirty, and stay so. But if you were dirty, you'd wash, wouldn't you? If you needed a bath, you would say so!

NEATNESS

Goops leave traces everywhere-- Gum stuck underneath the chair, Muddy footprints in the hall, Show that Goops have been to call; Shoes and stockings on the floor Show where Goops have been before!

COURTESY

I wonder why it is polite In shaking hands, to give your right. I wonder why it is refined In passing one, to go behind. I wonder why it is well-bred, If you must sneeze, to turn your head. Perhaps the reason is because The Goops, they never have such laws!

GENEROSITY

When you have candy, do you go And give your sister half? When little brother stubs his toe, Do you look on and laugh?