Part 4

RECIPE FOR FEELING LIKE THIS--Bully, biscuits, no coke, and leave just cancelled.]

"'Old these a minute while I takes that blinkin' smile off 'is dial."]

"Every encouragement should be given for singing and whistling."--(Extract from a "Military Manual.")

That painstaking fellow, Lieut. Orpheus, does his best, but finds it uphill work at times.]

The Nest.

"'Ere, when you're finished, I'll borrow that there top note of yours to clean the knives with."]

Private Sandy McNab cheers the assembly by pointing out (with the aid of his pocket almanac) that it is Friday the 13th and that their number is one too many.]

"Chuck us out that bag o' bombs, mate; it's under your 'ead."]

"What Time do they Feed the Sea-Lions, Alf?"]

"'Ave a squint through these 'ere, Bill; you can see one of the ----'s eatin' a sausage as clear as anythin'."]

Never has Private Smith's face felt so large and smooth as when he hands his Captain the following message at what he feels is an unsuitable moment: "The G.O.C. notices with regret the tendency of all ranks to shave the upper lip. This practice must cease forthwith."]

2nd Lieut. P. Smith, at the taking of "dead-pig" farm "Come on you chaps! We'll show these ----s Which side their ---- bread's buttered!"

Other Times, Other Manners.

The Decline of Poetry and Romance in War.]

Owing to the frequent recurrence of this dream, Herr Fritz von Lagershifter has decided to take his friends' advice: Give up sausage late at night and brood less upon the possible size of the British Army next spring.]

PROBLEM--Whether to walk along the top and risk it, or do another mile of this.]

Having omitted to remove the elastic band prior to descent, Herr Franz von Flopp feels that the trial exhibition of his new parachute is a failure.]

There is certainly a lot of truth in that Napoleonic maxim, "An army moves on its stomach."]

"'Ow long are you up for, Bill?"

"Seven years."

"Yer lucky ----, I'm duration."]

"Is this 'ere the Warwicks?"

"Nao. 'Indenburg's blinkin' Light Infantry."]

"This interesting fragment, found near Ypres (known to the ancients as Wipers), throws a light on a subject which has long puzzled science, i.e., what was the origin and meaning of those immense zigzag slots in the ground stretching from Ostend to Belfort? There is no doubt that there was some inter-tribal war on at this period."--Extract from "The Bystander," A.D. 4916.]

Having picked up this cherished possession for a mere song at a sale near Verdun, the General has now let his country seat, "Shrapnel Park," and says he finds the new abode infinitely cheaper, and not a bit draughty, if you keep the breech closed.]

That last half-hour before "going in" to the same trenches for the 200th time.]

That first half-hour after "coming out" of those same trenches.]

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