Part 16

A Builder.--“I send innocent men to the ‘scaffold.’”

A Clerk.--“I possess more pens than pounds.”

A Dentist.--“I look ‘down in the mouth’ and am happy.”

A Doctor.--“I take pains to remove pains.”

A Hatter.--“I shelter ‘the heir apparent’ and protect ‘the crown.’“

A Photographer.--“Mine is a developing business and mounting rapidly.”

A Solicitor.--“I study the law--and the profits.”

An Undertaker.--“No complaints from our customers.”

RIVAL BUTCHERS.

T. JONES.--“Sausages, 3d. per lb.--to pay more is to be robbed.”

J. SMITH.--“Sausages, 4d. per lb.--to pay less is to be poisoned.”

A French confectioner, proud of his English, and wishing to let his customers know that their wants would be attended to without delay, put out the notice, “Short weights here.”

A shopkeeper in the old country had printed under his name “The little rascal.” When asked the meaning of this strange sign, he replied, “It distinguishes me from the rest of my trade, who are all great rascals.”

On an Office Door.--“Shut this door, and as soon as you have done talking on business, serve your mouth the same way.”

“SHE.”

68. A country spark addressed a charming “she,” In whom all lovely features did agree; But being void of numbers, as doth show, Desirous was the lady’s age to know. “My age is such that if multiplied by three, Two-sevenths of the product triple be: The square root of two-ninths of that is four;-- Tell me my age or never see me more.”

RUNNING SHORT.

69. A vessel on a 3 months’ trip has provisions for 4 months, but the stores are served out as if the voyage had to be completed in 3 months. At the end of 2 months, it is discovered that the voyage will take 3½ months. To what proportion must the rations be reduced for the remaining time?

In a certain town in the North of Queensland, a class of young men was formed to receive lessons in short methods of business arithmetic. The teacher was endeavouring to knock into the head of a young man that the cost of a dozen articles is the same number of shillings that a single article costs in pence. To illustrate the rule, he gave the following example:--

“If I buy 1 dozen apples at 1d each, then the dozen will cost 1 shilling; and if I buy 1 dozen oranges at 2 pence each, the dozen will cost 2 shillings. Now, supposing I buy 1 dozen at 3 pence each, how much will the dozen cost?”

YOUNG MAN (after two minutes’ reflection)--“Are they apples or oranges?”

A DRAUGHTS PUZZLE.

70. Ten draughtsmen are placed in a row. The puzzle is to lift one up and passing over two at a time (neither more nor less) to place it on the top, or to “crown” the next one, continuing in this fashion until all are crowned. In passing over a piece already crowned, it is to be reckoned as two pieces.

71. In the centre of a pond 20 feet square there is a small island, on which is growing a tree. Two boys notice there is a bird’s nest on the top of the tree, but the difficulty is to reach the island, as they have 2 short planks that only measure 8 feet each. After a little while they hit on an ingenious plan, and, without nailing the planks together, manage to place them so they can reach the tree in safety. How did they do it?

TEACHER--“Now, I want all the children to look at Tommy’s hands, and see how clean they are, and see if all of you cannot come to school with cleaner hands. Tommy, perhaps, will tell us how he keeps them so nice?”

TOMMY--“Yes ’m; mother makes me wash the breakfast things every morning.”

BRAIN-BEWILDERERS.

An amusing periodical got up by the boys of a certain college gives a capital skit on the style of examination-papers frequently presented for the torture of pupils. Here are a few examples:--