Part 66

JEYES.

LILY.

JEYES.

She was kind to me too, in a way-- kind and cruel. She didn't want to marry me; she didn't want to marry anybody; she was in love with herself, and her success, and what it was bringing her. But she wouldn't give me the kick. No, she wouldn't do that; I had been something to her. And there's where the kindness came in-- and the merciless cruelty. [Sitting upon the fauteuil-stool rigidly.] God, if only she'd broken with me then, firmly and finally-- if only she'd broken with me then-- she-- she might have saved me!

LILY.

JEYES.

Twelve months ago she did throw me a bone. The regiment was under orders for India, and of course I sent in my papers; and out of pity, I suppose-- and because I was always pestering her-- she promised to become engaged to me if I'd get other work to do. Work! I wonder whether really she was grinning to herself when she made the stipulation!

LILY.

Oh-- oh----!

JEYES.

Work! All the spunk, all the energy, had been sapped out of me long before, and even her promise couldn't revive it. My search for a berth wasn't much more than a sham. At the back of my head I knew very well what I'd come to. The only work I was capable of was dancing attendance on her, and filling in what remained of the day and night at a rotten restaurant, a Bohemian club, and the bar of the theatre. And that's been my sole employment for the past year-- nothing but that. Pretty, for a man who started life as swimmingly as I did! [His voice dying away.] Pretty-- pretty-- pretty-- pretty----!

LILY.

JEYES.

I-- I don't think I've ever put it quite so plainly-- to myself.

LILY.

JEYES.

What?

LILY.

I-- I've never fully realised it till now-- the harm I've done you. I declare to God I've never realised it till now. [Faintly.] Nicko----!

JEYES.

LILY.

No, no, Nicko! Nicko--! [Giving FARNCOMBE a half frightened, half imploring look.] Nicko, I can't undo the mischief I've done; I can't do that. But I can try to make it up to you-- some of it-- and I will, if you'll let me. [Putting her arms round his shoulders.] Nicko----!

JEYES.

LILY.

JEYES.

Farncombe----?

FARNCOMBE.

JEYES.