Part 44

If reproof is to be administered or orders, given, it is much better that the servant be called upstairs to receive them, than for the house mistress to descend to the kitchen. This will insure an opportunity should dispute arise of dismissing the employé to the kitchen with but loss of dignity on her part; while, if it is in the kitchen that the difference of opinion may arise, the house-mistress must herself leave the field.

Insist upon systematic arrangement of the week's work, and punctuality in carrying out its details. Explain carefully to all newly-engaged servants the routine of the house and expect them to conform to it. Be mild but firm in exercising authority, and servants will respect you and your rules.

If there is a housekeeper, all these details will be committed to her hands, and she has need to be competent, compelling respect, to be fitted for the position. Teach servants not to expect fees from your visitors.

Respect all their privileges. See that their evenings out, and their precious Sunday afternoons are not encroached upon. Give them all the needed opportunity to attend their own place of worship. See that children of the family are respectful toward them, not disturbing them at their work; prefacing their requests with "please," and thanking them for any favor.

Rights of Others.

Respect the rights of all members of the household. Remember that each one has a perfect right to open his or her own correspondence. No difference if one is ready to confide the contents of the letter the moment it is read, there is still a pleasure in opening one's own correspondence.

Respect the belongings of another, no matter how close the relationship. The careful member of the family suffers at seeing his belongings misused and destroyed by the careless one. Discourage borrowing among the members of a family. Teach each one to have all necessary articles of their own and to care for them properly.

Guests in a family should also be very careful in this respect. Boxes, drawers, or any repositories of any kind, should be scrupulously respected. Private papers, even if not protected by lock and key, should not be glanced at. A due observance of these rules, while making home life pleasanter, might in after years lead to a little less tampering with the larger rights of law and property, for "manners are but the shadows of great virtues."

ETIQUETTE FOR CHILDREN.

Jean Paul Richter, in his great work on education (Levana), intimates that we scarcely realize the momentous possibilities that lie all about us folded up in the heart of childhood, as the blushing petals of the beauteous blossom yet to be lie folded close within the sheltering calyx.

"Do you know," he queries, "whether the little boy who plucks flowers at your side may not one day, from his island of Corsica, descend as a war-god into a stormy universe to play with hurricanes for destruction, or to purify and plant the world with harvests?" And just because we do not know the extent of these possibilities, children must be carefully trained to fill whatever post or province may be theirs in the time to come.

Now, they are in our hands to mold as we will; then, they will be the masters, and much of the character of their sway will depend upon the guidance of the present. Viewed in this light, the manners and the morals of children, closely associated as they are, become of the greatest importance to the world.

Power of Example.

Teach the embryo man or woman, in the nursery, the traits, the habits, the customs of the best etiquette, and you have stamped upon them, at an age when the character is impressible as wax, not only the outer semblance, but, in a great degree, the inner reality, of a true man or woman.

Let the children grow up in a home where rude gestures, or ill-tempered words are unknown, where truthfulness, kindliness, forgetfulness of self and careful consideration of others, permeates the very atmosphere, and they will go forth into the world armed with the integrity in which all men may trust, the polish that will win them admiration, and the true refinement that will render their friendship elevating.

See, also, that there is perfect unanimity between the parents as to the government and instruction of the children in the household, and, if any difference should arise, it should be settled in private. Children, being strongly imitative, are best taught by example. Never reprove unless absolutely necessary, and never let the voice rise excitedly to ensure obedience. By keeping your own voice low and calm, you do much toward lowering the key of their high-pitched, childish treble, and soothing the troubled waters of their souls.

Keeping Promises.

Never permit yourself to threaten where you do not perform; children are quick to learn the value of your promises, and place very accurate estimates, in their own minds, as to what their parents will, or will not do under given circumstances. Absolute truthfulness can never be taught a child by precept, when by constant example he is taught that the word of his parents has little or no value in his own case, so far as threats and punishments, or even rewards, extend. If a punishment is the penalty for a broken law, see that it is inflicted; if a reward is promised, be sure that it is given.

Enjoin upon children strict justice in their dealings one with another, even in their games, never allowing the stronger to impose upon the weak, but teaching forbearance and tenderness in all their actions.

Talebearing.

Discourage, as far as possible, all talebearing in the home, and, as a rule, do not listen to complaints, and long recitals of injuries received from little playfellows. Care in this respect will nip in the bud the tendency toward exaggeration and talebearing that so early develops in a child, and so soon matures into the "gossip" of riper years. This demand for exactitude in childish statements will pave the way for strictly truthful declarations in the more important affairs of later life, redounding thus to the lasting benefit of the individual and the community.

Truthfulness.

The least approach toward prevarication, or concealment of their childish misdemeanors, should be treated as a grave fault. To prevent, as far as possible, all attempts at disguising the truth, penalties for faults should rarely be of so severe a nature that the little transgressor resorts to evasion through fear of the consequences.

Respectfulness.

Children should be taught to be respectful toward their parents and others older than themselves, to be polite towards those of their own age, and very thoughtful for the comfort of the sick and weak. Respect must also be shown toward servants and dependants, and no unnecessary demands made upon their time or services.

Obedience.

Prompt obedience should always be demanded of a child, and the spirit of murmuring and questioning firmly repressed. None can command except they have first learned to obey.

Do not allow children to tease, nor, having once refused on good and sufficient ground, suffer your consent to be gained by siege. Make your refusal final, but do not refuse thoughtlessly, or for mere caprice. The wishes of a child are as real to him as those of grown people are to them.