Part 35

Cultivate, on both sides, a disposition to restrain all unseemly exhibitions of temper. Hysterics and prolonged and repeated fits of tears soon lose their effect, and, at the last, a half-pitying contempt is their only result. Let all conversation be refined in its tone. The force of example in this respect carries with it a silent, impressive power that is not easily resisted and lapses therefrom involve a loss of this influence that cannot be easily estimated.

Profanity, too, is a deadly foe in the household and any wife that permits her husband to swear in her presence, either to herself, or concerning others, lessens her own self-respect each time it occurs. That profanity can be repressed, has been shown her by the fact that, no matter how long the previous engagement may have lasted, no word of such import escaped the man's lips in her presence, and surely the woman chosen to be head of his home is no less worthy of his respect than was the girl he wooed.

The habit of indulging in cutting or harsh remarks is one to be guarded against. Mutual politeness should be exercised by both husband and wife, and in all cases watch should be set over the mouth, and the door of the lips well kept.

Boarding Versus Home Life.

The tendency in all large cities, at this present time, points toward fashionable boarding-houses, or expensive lodging-houses, as the nuclei round which the newly-married most do congregate.

It may be that the wife is utterly unused to the care of a house (in which case the sooner she learn the art, the happier for both parties) or, perhaps, the financial resources of the husband are unable to support the drain consequent upon furnishing a home that shall gratify the foolish pride of the wife. But, whatever the cause, the effects are the same, and are to be found in the utter unfitness of women adopting this manner of existence for any of the serious duties of life that, sooner or later, come upon all who wear this mortal garb.

Then, too, in the idle, censorious, gossiping, novel-reading life that flourishes in this hothouse existence, the seeds of lifelong misery are not infrequently sown.

Let a home, then, however small, be one of the first considerations in beginning the married life, and let the adding to, and the beautifying of, this precious possession be the duty and the privilege of the years to come.

To the wife, in her housewifely rôle, belongs the care of overseeing or accomplishing with her own hands, the varied duties that go to secure the daily well-being of the home. She must see that the rooms are bright, neat, and cosily arranged; that the meals are appetizingly and punctually served, and be herself neatly and tastefully attired to preside at the table.

Due allowances are to be made for the amount of manual labor she has been obliged to perform with her own hands, still, by care and tact a woman can always maintain a certain degree of neatness.

Let the husband, on his part, bring into the home cheerfulness, with a quick remembrance of all those little attentions that go so far toward making up the sum of earthly happiness. Let him see that, to the best of his ability, the home wants are provided for, and be not forgetful to lend the help of his stronger hand wherever needed. (Read carefully other hints in department of Home Etiquette.)

Never demand of your wife more than you are willing to give. If you desire to be received with smiles, enter the house with a cheerful mien, and you will find there are few women who are not willing to give measure for measure, and even a little more than they receive of kindly attention. For a wife will usually shine, like the moon, by reflection, and her happiness will always reflect your own.

WEDDINGS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES.

In discussing the important subject of etiquette as connected with weddings and wedding anniversaries, it may be mentioned here that the forms for invitations to all occasions of this sort, and acceptances and regrets of the same, card-sending, etc., have been fully treated in their respective departments. The observances immediately preceding, during, and following the ceremony, are now to receive consideration.

Paying for the Cards.

The form, size and use of these important bits of pasteboard having been before stated, it only remains for us to say here that all the expenses relative to their purchase and distribution are to be borne solely by the parents or other guardians of the bride. To have it otherwise implies a lack of delicacy on the part of the bride, and lays upon her a certain amount of obligation which every right-minded girl would desire, above all things, to avoid. Hence when the parents are financially unable to incur the expense, good taste demands that all display be abandoned and the couple be quietly married in the presence of the family only.

The bride should always remember that until the fateful words are spoken that make the twain one flesh, she has no claim whatever on the purse of her future husband, and conduct herself accordingly.

Hence it is that a very plain trousseau is more commendable to the self-respect of the wearer, than the elaborate outfittings, toward the purchase of which the groom-expectant has largely contributed, and which, in case of the oft-recurring "slip twixt the cup and the lip," must weigh heavily upon the maiden's pride.

Even the "after cards" are usually ordered by the parents with the others, and paid for at the same time. If, however, they are ordered after marriage, they are paid for by the groom.

There is only one exception to the rule of the bride's parents paying for the wedding cards, and this occurs when the wedding ceremony is performed quietly in church and the reception, for some reason, is held at the home of the groom's parents, in which case they, as the entertainers, properly pay for, and issue, the cards of invitation.

The groom, in England, always pays for the carriage that conveys himself and bride to the station after the ceremony and reception are past, but in this country the fashionable father usually claims the privilege of sending them on this first stage of their married life in his own carriage. However, the groom buys the ring and a bouquet for the bride, furnishes dainty presents for the bridemaids, remembers the best man and the ushers, pays the clergyman's fee, the size of which is to be regulated only by his inclination, or the length of his purse-strings, and furnishes the marriage license.

Naming the Day.

This privilege belongs by right to the lady herself, but, in reality, the business engagements of the groom, and the time when he can best leave for the bridal tour have much to do in settling the exact date for which the invitations shall be issued. In very fashionable circles it is the mother that names the day of her daughter's marriage.

Time was when during the two weeks, or longer, elapsing between the issuing of the invitations and the occurrence of the wedding, the bride-expectant was not to be seen in public, nor by chance callers at the house, a custom which still prevails to some extent, but is superseded in the most fashionable circles by a series of especial entertainments given during this interval.

It frequently happens that one, or each, of the bridemaids entertains the bride and other bridemaids at a lunch or dinner, either informally or on a large scale. Some married friend of the family may give a large farewell dinner to Miss ---- and her bridemaids; and the bride herself, or her mother, may give a rehearsal dinner. Ordinary invitations, however, are not to be accepted.

If the presents are not to be exhibited at the wedding reception, the bride frequently gives an informal tea the day before to her lady friends for the purpose of displaying them. She should also, for her health's sake, take a daily drive.

Announcing the Engagement.

An engagement is now frequently announced in rather a formal manner. This, however, is not usually done until a short time previous to the marriage itself. Sometimes it comes out in the society papers immediately after it has been made known to the kinfolk and intimate friends. Felicitations follow as a matter of course.