Part 1

MORE GOOPS AND HOW NOT TO BE THEM

By Gelett Burgess

Books by Gelett Burgess

VIVETTE; or the Memoirs of the Romance Association. Small, Maynard & Co., Boston. 152 pp. 8vo. $1.25

A GAGE OF YOUTH; Poems, chiefly from the "Lark." 58 pp. Small 8vo. Small, Maynard & Co., Boston. $1.00

THE ROMANCE OF THE COMMONPLACE; A Collection of Essays upon the Romantic View of Life. 152 pp. Small 4to. Elder & Shepard, San Francisco. $1.50

THE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG; A Cycle of Modern Fairy Tales for City Children. With 53 illustrations (8 in color) by the Author. Frederick A. Stokes Co., New York. 210 pp. Small 4to. $1.50. Boards, $1.00

THE BURGESS NONSENSE BOOK; Being a complete Collection of the Humorous Masterpieces of Gelett Burgess, Esq. With 196 illustrations by the Author. 239 pp. Small 4to. Frederick A. Stokes Co., New York. Cloth, $2.00 net. Boards, $1.25

GOOPS, and How to Be Them; A Manual of Manners for Polite Infants. With 90 illustrations by the Author. Frederick A. Stokes Co., New York. 88 pp. 5th edition. Small 4to. $1.50

MORE GOOPS, and How Not to Be Them; A Manual of Manners for Impolite Infants. With 90 illustrations by the Author. 88 pp. Small 4to. Frederick A. Stokes Co., New York. $1.50

MORE GOOPS AND HOW NOT TO BE THEM

A Manual of Manners for Impolite Infants Depicting the Characteristics of Many Naughty and Thoughtless Children With Instructive Illustrations

By GELETT BURGESS

NEW YORK

Frederick A. Stokes Company

Publishers

COPYRIGHT, 1903, BY GELETT BURGESS

Published September, 1903

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CONTENTS

Introduction Goop! Goop! Goop! Window-Smoochers Visiting A Low Trick Picking and Stealing When to Go Loyalty "Ain't" Indolence Nell the Nibbler The Law of Hospitality Justice The Flower Hospital A Puzzle Puppy Goops Frankness Exaggeration The Duty of the Strong Noise! Noise! Noise! Walking with Papa Stealing Rides Piano Torture Untidy Goops At Table A Goop Party How to Eat Soup Inquisitiveness Baby's Apology Don't Be Good In the Street Write Right! Sick Furniture Wet Feet Borrowed Plumes Dress Quickly! The Goop Picnic Danger! Book-Manners The Reason Why Poor Mother! In Goop Attire Cheating Impossible

INTRODUCTION

Children, although you might expect My manners to be quite correct (For since I fancy I can teach, I ought to practice what I preach), 'Tis true that I have often braved My mother's wrath, and misbehaved! And almost every single rule I broke, before I went to school! For that is how I learned the way To teach you etiquette to-day. So when you chance to take a look At all the maxims in the book, You'll see that most of them are true, I found them out, and so will you, For if you are as GOOP derided, You may perhaps reform, as I did!

WINDOW-SMOOCHERS

Little Goops are marking On the window pane; I forbid, in vain! Noses, when they're greasy, Leave a smooch so easy! Rub it out again! I shall have to scold them, For I've often told them, Kindly, to refrain!

A LOW TRICK

The meanest trick I ever knew Was one I know you never do. I saw a Goop once try to do it, And there was nothing funny to it. He pulled a chair from under me As I was sitting down; but he Was sent to bed, and rightly, too. It was a horrid thing to do!

WHEN TO GO