HATCH: (Speaking over his shoulder) Hush! Be careful, can't you? (He enters. He is followed by "GRAND STAND" HARRY, a younger man of sporting appearance. He also wears a mask, and the brim of his gray alpine hat is pulled over his eyes. Around his throat he wears a heavy silk muffler). It's all right. Come on. Hurry up, and close those shutters.
HARRY: (to REDDY outside) Give me the bag, Reddy.
(REDDY appears at window. He is dressed like a Bowery tough. His face is blackened with burnt cork. His hair is of a brilliant red. He wears an engineer's silk cap with visor. To HARRY he passes a half-filled canvas bag. On his shoulder he carries another. On entering he slips and falls forward on the floor).
HATCH: Confound you!
HARRY: Hush, you fool.
HATCH: Has he broken anything?
REDDY: (on floor, rubbing his head) I've broke my head.
HATCH: That's no loss. Has he smashed that silver?
HARRY: (feeling in bag) It feels all right.
(HATCH cautiously parts curtains at centre and exits into hall.)
REDDY: (lifts bag) We got enough stuff in this bag already without wasting time on ANOTHER house.
HARRY: Wasting time! Time's money in THIS house. Look at this silver. That's the beauty of working the night AFTER Christmas; everybodys' presents is lying about loose, and everybody's too tired celebrating to keep awake. (Lifts silver loving cup) Look at that cup!
REDDY: I'd rather look at a cup of coffee.
HARRY: (Contemptuously) Ah, you!
REDDY: Well, I can't make a meal out of silver ice pitchers, can I? I've been through three refrigerators tonight, and nothing in any of em but bottles of MILK! MILK!
HARRY: Get up, get up, get to work.
REDDY: The folks in this town are the stingiest I ever see. I won't visit em again, no matter how often they ask me. (Rising and crossing to buffet) I wonder if these folks is vegetarians, too.
(HATCH enters)
HATCH: It seems all right. There's no light, and everybody's quiet. (To HARRY) You work the bedrooms. I'll clear away those things. Don't be rough, now.
HARRY: I know my business. Give me the light. (Takes lantern and exits centre)
HATCH: Hist, Reddy. Reddy, leave that alone. That's not safe. (Removes silver from sideboard to bag).
REDDY: I know it ain't, governor. I'm lookin' for somethin' to eat. (He kneels in front of buffet, and opens door.)
HATCH: No, you're not! You're not here to eat. Come and give me a hand with this stuff.
REDDY: Gee! I've found a bottle of whiskey. (Takes bottle from buffet and begins to pull at the cork.)
HATCH: Well, you put it right back where you found it.
REDDY: I know a better place than that to put it.
HATCH: How many times have I told you I'll not let you drink in business hours?
REDDY: Oh, just once, governor; it's a cruel, cold night. (Coughs.) I need it for medicine.
Miss Civilization: a Comedy in One Act · The Wunder Library — complete classics, free to read, with narration.