Book of Etiquette, Volume Ii

PART III

CHAPTER PAGE

I. SERVANTS 1

The Servant in the Household--A Word to the Mistress--A Word to the Servant--How to Address Servants--The Child and the Servant--The Invisible Barrier--When the Servant Speaks--The Servants of a Big House--The Butler--Correct Dress for the Butler--The Second Man--The Chauffeur--Duties of the Chauffeur--The Valet--The Page--The Maid-Servants--Lady's Maid--The Nurse-Maid--Duties of House-Maid--In Conclusion.

II. DINNERS 23

About the American Hostess--Planning the Formal Dinner--Arranging the Table--Starting at the Center--Some Important Details--Table Etiquette--Table Service--Use of the Napkin--The Spoon at the Dinner Table--The Fork and Knife--Finger Foods--Table Accidents--The Hostess--When the Guests Arrive--The Successful Hostess--The Guest--Comments on Food--Second Helpings--The Menu--Special Entertainment--When to Leave--Taking Leave--Inviting a Stop-Gap--Simple Dinners--Inviting Congenial Guests--When There are no Servants--Hotel Dinners--Dress for Dinner.

III. LUNCHEONS 48

Purpose of the Luncheon--Informal Luncheons--About the Table--The Formal Luncheon--The Table for the Formal Luncheon--Hostess and Guest--Formal and Informal Breakfasts--Dress for Luncheons and Breakfasts.

IV. TEAS AND OTHER ENTERTAINMENTS 56

Evolution of the Afternoon Tea--The Simpler Tea--The Formal Tea--The Tea-Table--Dress at Tea Time--The Garden Party--Receiving the Guests--On the Lawn--Dress for Garden Parties and Lawn Festivals--Woman's Garden Costume--The Man at the Garden Party--House Parties--Sending the Invitation--When the Guests Arrive--Entertaining at the House Party--Hostess and Guests at the House Party--"Tipping" the Servants.

V. WHEN THE BACHELOR ENTERTAINS 76

When the Bachelor is Host--Welcoming the Guests--The Bachelor's Dinner--Tea at a Bachelor Apartment--The Bachelor Dance--Theater Parties--Yachting Parties.

VI. MUSICALES AND PRIVATE THEATRICALS 83

Preparations for the Musicale--The Afternoon Musicale--The Evening Musicale--Card Parties at the Musicale--Duties of Guests at Musicales--Dress at the Musicale--Arranging Private Theatricals--The Players--The Guests--Host and Hostess.

VII. DANCING 91

Dancing as a Healthful Art--Dance-Giving No Longer a Luxury--The Début Dance--Costume Balls--Subscription Dances--The Ballroom--Music at the Dance--Dance Programs--Dinner Dances--Dressing Rooms--The Dance--When the Lady is Asked to Dance--"Cutting In"--Dancing Positions--When the Guest Does Not Dance--Public Dances--A Plea for Dancing--The Charm of Dress in Dancing--At the Afternoon Dance--Gentlemen at the Dance--Dress for the Ball--Dress of the Débutante--Wraps at the Ball--Ball Dress for Men--For the Simple Country Dance.

VIII. GAMES AND SPORTS 114

Why the World Plays--Fair Play--Indoor Games--Chess--Bridge--Billiards and Croquet--Outdoor Games--Lawn Tennis--Golf--Some Important Rules about Golf--Football--Automobile Etiquette--Automobile Parties--Riding--Bathing--Sports--Clothes in General.

PART IV

I. SPEECH 135

Conversation--The Charm of Correct Speech--Courtesy in Conversation--The Voice--Ease in Speech--Local Phrases and Mannerisms--Importance of Vocabulary--Interrupting the Speech of Others--Tact in Conversation--Some Important Information--What to Talk About.

II. DRESS 147

The First Impression--Men's Dress--Women's Dress--The Story of Dress--The Dawn of Fashion--The Fashions of To-day--Harmony in Dress--Importance of Color--The Charm of Personality--Gaudiness versus Good Taste--"Extravagance the Greatest Vulgarity"--Inappropriateness in Clothes--The Eccentric Dresser--Comfort in Clothes--If One is Not Average--Tall and Short People--The Well-Dressed Woman--Not a Slave to Fashion--The Well-Dressed Man--The Charm of Old Age--The Elderly Woman--Imitation and Over-Dressing--The Older Gentleman--A Trip to the South--For the Gentleman.

III. THE BUSINESS WOMAN 177

Woman in the Business World--Self-Confidence--The Slattern--Following the Fashions--Gaudy Attraction--The Business Suit--The Business Dress and Coat--An Appeal to Business Women.

IV. ON THE STREET 185

The True Etiquette--Poise in Public--The Charm of Courtesy--Ladies and Gentlemen--When to Bow in Public--Walking in Public--Stopping for a Chat--When Accidents Happen--Accepting Courtesies from Strangers--Raising the Hat--How to Raise the Hat--In the Street Car--Entering the Car--In the Taxicab--Some Social Errors.

V. AT THE THEATER AND THE OPERA 201

Dress at the Theater and Opera--Entering the Theater--Arriving Late--About Wraps--Order of Precedence--Before the Play--When the Curtain is Drawn--During the Performance--The Offending Hat--Applause--During Intermission--Leaving the Theater.

VI. HOTEL ETIQUETTE 210

At the Hotel--The Woman Guest--Receiving Masculine Guests--Making Friends at the Hotel--How to Register--In the Public Dining-Room--Hotel Stationery--Regarding the Servants--Leaving the Hotel.

VII. TRAVEL ETIQUETTE 219

The Restless Urge of Travel--The Customs of Countries--The Traveler's Wardrobe--In the Train--In the Sleeping Car--Train Courtesy--The Woman Traveler--The Woman who Travels with an Escort--In the Dining-Car--Children on the Train--In the Taxicab--Bon Voyage Gifts--On Board the Ship--Courtesy of the Ship--The Woman Crossing the Ocean--A Concert at Sea--At the Journey's End--At Hotel and Restaurant--At Tea-Room and Roof-Garden--To Those Who Love to Travel.

VIII. TIPPING 237

An Un-American Custom--Lavish Tipping--In Dining-Room or Dining-Car--At the Hotel--The Taxi-Driver--On the Train--Crossing the Ocean--Tips in Foreign Countries.

IX. ETIQUETTE ABROAD 244

The American in Foreign Countries--On English Soil--Addressing Royalty--Other English Titles--And Still Other Titles--Addressing Clergy Abroad--Lawyers, Statesmen and Officials--How to Address Them--At the Court of England--What to Wear to Court--The King's Levees--In France--Addressing Titled People in France--Certain French Conventions--Dinner Etiquette--French Wedding Etiquette--Balls--About Calls and Cards--Correspondence--The American in Germany--The Perfect American Tourist.

Appendix 265

Foreign Words in Frequent Social Usage.

LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS

READY FOR TEA Frontispiece

PAGE

TABLE SET FOR DINNER 32

THE PUNCH TABLE 112

THE BUFFET LUNCH 208

PART III

Repose and cheerfulness are the badge of the gentleman,--repose in energy. The Greek battle pieces are calm; the heroes, in whatever violent actions engaged, retain a serene aspect; as we say of Niagara, that it falls without speed. A cheerful, intelligent face is the end of culture, and success enough. For it indicates the purpose of nature and wisdom attained.

--Emerson.

BOOK OF ETIQUETTE

CHAPTER I. Servants

SERVANTS

THE SERVANT IN THE HOUSEHOLD

"A mouse can look at a king, but a king won't often look at a mouse" says the old proverb. Which is, sadly enough, the state of affairs between servants and mistresses in many households.

A great many people feel somehow that those who labor in the capacity of servants are inferior. But in most cases, it is those who place servants on a lower plane who are themselves inferior. We owe those who take a part in the household affairs of our homes, more than the wages we pay them. We owe them gratitude, courtesy, kindness. Many elaborate dinners would be failures if it were not for the silent members of our households. Many formal entertainments would be impossible without their help. They hold a certain place of importance in the home--and it should be recognized in the social world as a place worthy of every courtesy and respect.

For those who are fortunate enough to have servants to help with domestic tasks, it is extremely important that the correct etiquette of servants be thoroughly known and understood. And those who serve as butlers and maids and valets must also know the little rules of good conduct that govern their duties and responsibilities. The information contained in the following paragraphs is meant for both the servant and the mistress, and we hope that both will find it valuable.

A WORD TO THE MISTRESS

In the home where guests are frequently entertained and where the hostess holds many formal social functions, servants are essential.

Every family that can afford to do so, should have one, or two, or more servants according to social requirements and the appointments of the house. They should be well instructed in their duties and they should be expected to carry them out faultlessly. Untidy, noisy, ill-trained servants reflect upon the manners and conduct of the mistress herself.

The most common method of engaging a servant is through an agency. Here different types of men and women can be found, and the mistress of the household may be fortunate enough to find one suited to her requirements. Sometimes she secures a maid or butler by the recommendation of some other housekeeper. This method is usually more satisfactory than any other because it puts things on a rather friendly basis from the start.

But whether the maid or butler be engaged by recommendation or through an agency, it is important that it be clearly understood from the beginning just what his or her duties will be. And the mistress should not engage a servant unless she feels sure that he will be able to fill the position satisfactorily, for it is both an expensive and provoking process to change servants frequently.

The first few days in a new home are always difficult for the servant. The mistress should be patient and considerate and do all she can to make the newcomer feel at ease in her new surroundings. Her directions should be requests, not commands, and she should overlook blunders for they may be the result of the servant's unfamiliarity with the household and its customs.

After the servant has been in the household three weeks or a month, the mistress has every right to expect him to carry out his duties correctly. But we are all human, and we all make mistakes. When a servant blunders through carelessness a reprimand may be necessary, but to scold in loud, angry tones is most ill-mannered. The well-bred woman will never forget that there is as much demand for courtesy and kindliness in her relations with her servants as in any other relation in which she is placed. There is absolutely no reason why "please" and "thank you" should be omitted when we speak to the people who live in our homes and labor for our comfort and happiness.

A WORD TO THE SERVANT

Among real Americans, with their democratic views, there can be no objection to the word "servant." It is a noun, a name, to denote people in a certain occupation; just as "brokers" and "salesmen" and "housewives" denote certain people in other occupations. Therefore the servants who read these sentences, and the women who have servants in their households, should interpret the word in the spirit it is written--that of true American courtesy and respect.

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