Part 69

Secondly, I have a desire to be with him, to see myself with him; this is more blessed still: for a man to see himself in glory, this is a sight worth seeing.

Sometimes I look upon myself and say, Where am I now? and do quickly return answer to myself again, Why, I am in an evil world, a great way from heaven, in a sinful body, among devils and wicked men; sometimes benighted, sometimes beguiled, sometimes fearing, sometimes hoping, sometimes breathing, sometimes dying. But then I turn the tables, and say, But where shall I be shortly? Where shall I see myself anon, after a few more times have passed over me? And when I can but answer this question thus: I shall see myself with Jesus Christ; this yields glory, even glory to one's spirit now.

Thirdly, I have a desire to be with Christ: there the spirits of the just are perfected; there the spirits of the righteous are as full as they can hold. A sight of Jesus in the word; some know how it will change them from glory to glory. But how then shall we be changed and filled, when we shall see him as he is? "When he shall appear, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is."

Moses and Elias appeared to Peter and James and John, at the transfiguration of Christ, "in glory." Hew so? Why, they had been in the heavens, and came thence with some of the glories of heaven upon them. Gild a bit of wood, yea, gild it seven times over, and it must not be compared, in difference from wood which is not gilt, with the soul that but a little while has been dipt in glory.

Glory is a strange thing to men that are on this side of heaven; it is that which eye hath not seen nor ear heard, nor hath entered into the heart of man: only the Christian has a word and Spirit that at times give a little of the glimmering thereof unto him.

But Oh, when he is in the Spirit and sees in the Spirit, do you think his tongue can tell? But if the sight of heaven at so vast a distance is so excellent a prospect, what will it be when one is in it?

No marvel, then, if the desires of the righteous are to be with Christ.

There is a man upon a bed of languishing; but Oh, he dares not die, for all is not as he would have it betwixt God and his poor soul; and many a night he lies thus in great horror of mind; but do you think that he doth not desire to depart? Yes, yes; he also waits and cries to God to set his desires at liberty. At last the visitor comes and sets his soul at ease, by persuading him that he belongs to God; and what then? Oh, Now let me die; welcome death!

THE DYING CHRISTIAN.

When men are faithful to God in this world, to do the work he hath appointed for them, by this means a dying bed is made easier.

1. By reason of that present peace such shall have, even in their time of languishing.

2. By reason of the good company such shall have at their departure. The angels of heaven shall wait upon them, as they did upon the blessed Lazarus, to carry them into Abraham's bosom. I know all that go to paradise are by these holy ones conducted thither; but yet, for all that, such as die under the clouds for unchristian walking with God, may meet with darkness in that day--may go heavily hence, notwithstanding that; yea, their bed may be as uncomfortable to them as if they lay upon nothing but the cords, and their departing from it, as to appearance, more uncomfortable by far.

But as for those who have been faithful to their God, they shall see before them; shall know their tabernacle shall be in peace; "the everlasting gates shall be opened unto them:" in all which from earth they shall see the glory of heaven.

DEATH OF MR. BADMAN'S WIFE.

ATTENTIVE. "And how did his good wife take it when she saw that he had no amendment, but that he returned to his old courses again?"

WISEMAN. "Why, it broke her heart; it was a worse disappointment to her than the cheat that he gave her in marriage; at least she laid it more to heart, and could not so well grapple with it. You must think that she had put up many a prayer to God for him before, even all the time that he had carried it so badly to her; and now when he was so affrighted in his sickness, and so desirous that he might live and mend, poor woman, she thought that the time was come for God to answer her prayers; nay, she did not fail with gladness to whisper out amongst her friends that it was so. But when she saw herself disappointed by her husband turning rebel again, she could not stand up under it, but fell into a languishing distemper, and in a few weeks gave up the ghost."

ATTENTIVE. "Pray how did she die?"

WISEMAN. "Die! she died bravely; full of comfort in the faith of her interest in Christ, and by him in the world to come. She had many brave expressions in her sickness, and gave to those that came to visit her many signs of her salvation. The thoughts of the grave, especially of her rising again, were sweet thoughts to her. She would long for death, because she knew it would be her friend. She expressed herself like one that was making herself ready to go to meet her bridegroom. 'Now,' said she, 'I am going to rest from my sorrows, my sighs, my tears, my mournings, and complaints: I have heretofore longed to be among the saints, but might by no means be suffered to go; but now I am going, and no man can stop me, to the great meeting, 'to the general assembly and church of the first-born which are written in heaven.' There I shall have my heart's desire; there I shall worship without temptation or other impediment; there I shall see the face of my Jesus whom I have loved, whom I have served, and who now I know will save my soul. I have prayed often for my husband that he might be converted, but there has been no answer of God in that matter. Are my prayers lost; are they forgotten; are they thrown over the bar? No; they are hanged upon the horns of the golden altar, and I must have the benefit of them myself that moment that I shall enter into the gates, in at which the righteous nation that keepeth truth shall enter: I say, I shall have the benefit of them. I can say as holy David--I say, I can say of my husband as he could of his enemies, 'As for me, when they were sick, my clothing was of sackcloth; I humbled my soul with fasting, and my prayer returned into my bosom.' My prayers are not lost, my tears are yet in God's bottle; I would have had a crown and glory for my husband, and for those of my children that follow his steps; but so far as I can see yet, I must rest in the hope of having all myself.'

"When she drew near her end she called for her husband, and when he was come to her, she told him that now he and she must part; and, said she, 'God knows, and thou shalt know, that I have been a loving, faithful wife unto thee; and as for all the abuses that I have received at thy hand, those I freely and heartily forgive, and still shall pray for thy conversion, even as long as I breathe in this world. But, husband, I am going thither where no bad man shall come; and if thou dost not turn, thou wilt never see me more with comfort. Let not my plain words offend thee; I am thy dying wife, and of my faithfulness to thee would leave this exhortation with thee: Break off thy sins, fly to God for mercy while mercy's gate stands open: remember that the day is coming when thou, though now lusty and well, must lie at the gates of death, as I do; and what wilt thou then do, if thou shalt be found with a naked soul to meet the cherubims with their flaming swords? Yea, what wilt thou then do if death and hell shall come to visit thee, and thou in thy sins and under the curse of the law?'

"When she saw that she was not regarded, she fetched a deep sigh and lay still. So he went down; and then she called for her children, and began to talk to them. And first she spoke to those that were rude, and told them the danger of dying before they had grace in their hearts. She told them also, that death might be nearer than they were aware of; and bid them look, when they went through the churchyard again, if there were not little graves there. 'And ah, children,' said she, 'will it not be dreadful to you, if we only shall meet at the day of judgment, and then part again and never see each other more?' And with that she wept; the children also wept. So she held on her discourse: 'Children,' said she, 'I am going from you. I am going to Jesus Christ; and with him there is neither sorrow nor sighing, nor pain nor tears, nor death: thither would I have you go also; but I can neither carry you nor fetch you thither. But if you shall turn from your sins to God, and shall beg mercy at his hands by Jesus Christ, you shall follow me, and shall, when you die, come to the place where I am going, that blessed place of rest; and then we shall be for ever together, beholding the face of our Redeemer, to our mutual and eternal joy.' So she bade them remember the words of a dying mother when she was cold in her grave, and themselves were hot in their sins, if perhaps her words might put a check to their vice, and they might remember and turn to God.

"Then they all went down but her darling, to wit, the child that she had most love for, because it followed her ways. So she addressed herself to that: 'Come to me,' said she, 'my sweet child, thou art the child of my joy; I have lived to see thee a servant of God; thou shalt have eternal life. I, my sweetheart, shall go before, and thou shalt follow after, if thou shalt hold the beginning of thy confidence steadfast to the end. When I am gone, do thou still remember my words. Love thy Bible, follow my ministers, deny ungodliness still, and if troublesome times shall come, set a higher price upon Christ, his word and ways, and the testimony of a good conscience, than upon all the world besides; carry it kindly and dutifully to thy father, but chose none of his ways.

"'I would have thee also, my dear child, to love thy brothers and sisters, but learn none of their naughty tricks; 'Have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them.' Thou hast grace; they have none. Do thou therefore beautify the way of salvation before their eyes, by a godly life and conversation conformable to the revealed will of God, that thy brothers and sisters may see and be the more pleased with the good ways of the Lord.'

"Thus she talked to her children and gave them counsel; and after she had talked to this a little longer, she kissed it and bid it go down.

"Well, in short, her time drew on, and the day that she must die. So she died with a soul full of grace, a heart full of comfort, and by her death ended a life of trouble."

DEATH OF STANDFAST.

When Mr. Standfast had thus set things in order, and the time being come for him to haste him away, he went down to the river. Now there was a great calm at that time in the river; wherefore Mr. Standfast, when he was about half way in, stood a while and talked to his companions that had waited upon him thither: and he said, "This river has been a terror to many; yea, the thoughts of it also have often frightened me: now, methinks, I stand easy; my foot is fixed upon that on which the feet of the priests that bare the ark of the covenant stood, while Israel went over this Jordan.

"The waters indeed are to the palate bitter and to the stomach cold; yet the thoughts of what I am going to, and of the convoy that waits for me on the other side, doth lie as a glowing coal at my heart. I see myself now at the end of my journey; my toilsome days are ended. I am going to see that head that was crowned with thorns, and that face that was spit upon for me. I have formerly lived by hearsay and faith, but now I go where I shall live by sight, and shall be with him in whose company I delight myself. I have loved to hear my Lord spoken of; and whenever I have seen the print of his shoe in the earth, there I have coveted to set my foot too. His name has been to me as a civet-box, yea, sweeter than all perfumes. His voice to me has been most sweet, and his countenance I have more desired than they that have most desired the light of the sun. His words I did use to gather for my food, and for antidotes against my faintings. He has held me, and hath kept me from mine iniquities, yea, my steps have been strengthened in his way."

Now while he was thus in discourse, his countenance changed; his "strong man bowed under him;" and after he had said, "Take me, for I am come unto thee," he ceased to be seen of them.