CHAPTER X. The Prophet and Malkiel the Second Converse by Telegram

THE PROPHET AND MALKIEL THE SECOND CONVERSE BY TELEGRAM

“Hennessey Vivian, 1000 Berkeley Square, W.

“Please wire result of last night’s observations from eleven till three inclusive.--Sagittarius.”

“Jupiter Sagittarius, Sagittarius Lodge, Crampton St. Peter, N.

“Impossible wire result, will write at length after taking further observations to-night.--Vivian.”

“Certainly write at length, but meanwhile wire all important results in condensed form.--Sagittarius.”

“Results not sufficiently important to wire, letter without fail to-morrow.--Vivian.”

“Never mind unimportance, wire whatever results obtained.--Sagittarius.”

“On consideration think results too important to wire, will explain by letter.--Vivian.”

“Your second and third wires in direct contradiction; kindly reconcile opposing statements.--Sagittarius.”

“Cannot reconcile by wire, will do so by letter.--Vivian.”

“Then meanwhile request forecast of grandmother so far as gathered last night.--Sagittarius.”

“Quite impossible discuss grandmother by wire.--Vivian.”

“Not at all; couch in careful terms, shall understand; no need put grandmother’s name.--Sagittarius.”

“Quite impossible; grandmother too sacred for treatment by wire, long and full letter to-morrow.--Vivian.”

“Absurd! Call her Harry and wire her future as obtained last night; shall understand.--Sagittarius.”

“Cannot possibly consent call grandmother Harry; pray cease; succession of telegraph boys to house attracting general attention in square.--Vivian.”

“Must insist; then call her Susan and wire.--Sagittarius.”

“Cannot possibly consent to call her Susan; discussion of such matter by wire not decent; regret must absolutely decline.--Vivian.”

“Madame and self insulted by accusation not decent; demand explanation and apology.--Sagittarius.”

“Regret; no desire give pain to lady, but this must cease; grandmother and square seriously upset by procession of telegraph boys.--Vivian.”

“Cannot help square and grandmother; must have last night’s result to compare with own observation of grandmother with crab and scorpion.--Sagittarius.”

“Pray cease; would rather die than discuss grandmother with crab and scorpion by wire.--Vivian.”

“Rubbish! Call crab Susan, scorpion Jane, grandmother Harry, and wire; absolutely insist.--Sagittarius.”

“Absolutely decline discuss crab, scorpion and grandmother by wire; final.--Vivian.

“Scandalous! not behaviour of gentleman; Madame cut to heart; infamous.--Sagittarius.”

“Mater familiaris pallidibus ira.--Madame Sagittarius.”

“If receive no reply as to grandmother and crab, et cetera, shall start at once for Square.--Jupiter and Madame Sagittarius.”

“On no account trouble come up; going out immediately; important engagement.--Vivian.”

“Madame putting on boots.--Sagittarius.”

“Utterly useless put on boots; leaving house.--Vivian.”

“Madame boots on; tying bonnet.--Sagittarius.”

“Totally useless tie bonnet; absolutely forced leave house.--Vivian.”

“Madame in pelisse; shall come in wait till your return.--Sagittarius.”

“Regret pelisse; quite useless; out till late evening.--Vivian.”

“Shall stay till whatever hour; have on hat and bonnet now; starting.--Jupiter and Madame Sagittarius.”

“For Heaven’s sake don’t; will wire whatever you wish.--Vivian.”

“Don’t. Ankles perhaps catching; dangerous Capricornus.--Vivian.”

“Have you started?--Vivian.”

“Have not started, but at threshold of door; wire full explanation of crab with grandmother, et cetera, last night or shall start instanter.--Jupiter and Madame Sagittarius.”

“Truth is very little result last night; did not see crab with grandmother; deeply regret.--Vivian.”

“Then wire result of scorpion with grandmother.--Sagittarius.”

“Very sorry did not see scorpion with grandmother.--Vivian.”

“Impossible; believe stars out; clear sky; self and Madame distinctly observed crab and scorpion with grandmother for four hours.--Sagittarius.”

“On honour did not see crab, scorpion or grandmother.--Vivian.”

“Then has grandmother passed over?--Sagittarius.”

“Certainly not, but no result; pray cease discussion, grandmother and square distracted by incessant uproar of boys at door.--Vivian.”

“Leaving house; with you as soon as possible.--Jupiter and Madame Sagittarius.”

“Heaven’s sake don’t; tell truth; did not look through telescope at all last night.--Vivian.”

“What meaning of this swore oath broken; no gentleman; coming at once for explanation.--Jupiter and Madame Sagittarius.”

“Stop; sending boy messenger with full explanation; severe accident last night, injured head, so unable look for crab, grandmother and scorpion.--Vivian.”

“Astounded, upset, Madame says not conduct gentleman; might have seen crab, grandmother and scorpion with injured head; mere excuse--caput mortuus decrepitum cancer.--Sagittarius.”

“Pray excuse; look to-night without fail; Heaven’s sake cease writing; grandmother and whole square amazement, confusion; shall go mad if continues.--Vivian.”

“Very well, but insist on full letter; confidence in oath much shaken; wires most shifty; gross neglect of crab, grandmother and scorpion.--Sagittarius.”

“Homo miserum sed magnum est veritatus et praevalebetur.--Madame Sagittarius.”