Part 2

So also—

(1) No teaching by mere specimens and by memory is possible (§ 5). (2) All the general rules are obvious, and yet (3) Natural gifts are necessary to apply them with skill.

I. THE MANNER OF CONVERSATION, or Subjective Conditions,

(A) in the speaker, and these are either—

(α) Physical, viz.

(1) A sweet tone of voice (§ 6). (2) Absence of local accent. (3) Absence of tricks and catchwords (§ 7).

(β) Mental, viz.

(1) Knowledge, which may be either General (books, men), or Special (great topics, the topic of the day). (2) Quickness.

(γ) Moral, viz.

(1) Modesty. (2) Simplicity—digression on Shyness and Reserve. (3) Unselfishness. (4) Sympathy. (5) Tact.

Digression as regards Conditions—

(α) too general—Moral Worth and Truthfulness. (β) too special—Wit and Humour.

Objective Conditions,

(B) in the hearers, which are either in—

(1) Quantity, for we speak with (α) one, (β) a few, (γ) many. (2) Quality, for we speak with (α) equals, (β) superiors, (γ) inferiors. (3) Differences (A) of age, (1) older, (2) younger, (3) equal; (B), of sex—men and women. (4) Degrees of Intimacy, (α) relations, (β) friends, (γ) acquaintances (familiar, slight).

II. THE MATTER OF CONVERSATION, or

(C) The Topics, which are either—

In Quantity—infinite. In Quality—serious or trivial. In Relation—personal or general.

(D) The handling of the Topics must be either—

Deliberative, or by all the company. Controversial, or by two speakers. Epideictic, or by one.

EPILOGUE.

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THE PRINCIPLES

OF THE

ART OF CONVERSATION

INTRODUCTION

§ 1. THERE can be no doubt that of all the accomplishments prized in modern society that of being agreeable in conversation is the very first. It may be called the social result of Western civilisation, beginning with the Greeks. Whatever contempt the North American Indian or the Mohammedan Tartar may feel for talking as mere chatter, it is agreed among us that people must meet frequently, both men and women, and that not only is it agreeable to talk, but that it is a matter of common courtesy to say something, even when there is hardly anything to say. Every civilised man and woman feels, or ought to feel, this duty; it is the universal accomplishment which all must practise, and as those who fail signally to attain it are punished by the dislike or neglect of society, so those who succeed beyond the average receive a just reward, not only in the constant pleasure they reap from it, but in the esteem which they gain from their fellows. Many men and many women owe the whole of a great success in life to this and nothing else. An agreeable young woman will always carry away the palm in the long run from the most brilliant player or singer who has nothing to say. And though men are supposed to succeed in life by dead knowledge, or by acquaintance with business, it is often by their social qualities, by their agreeable way of putting things, and not by their more ponderous merits that they prevail. In the high profession of diplomacy, both home and foreign, this is pre-eminently the case.

But quite apart from all these serious profits, and better than them all, is the daily pleasure derived from good conversation by those who can attain to it themselves or enjoy it in others. It is a perpetual intellectual feast, it is an ever-ready recreation, a deep and lasting comfort, costing no outlay but that of time, requiring no appointments but a small company, limited neither to any age nor any sex, the delight of prosperity, the solace of adversity, the eternal and essential expression of that social instinct which is one of the strongest and best features in human nature.