Part 65

“I could marry Shoesmith,” she said abruptly.

“But--” I objected.

“He knows. It wasn't fair. I told him.”

“Oh, that explains,” I said. “There's been a kind of sulkiness--But--you told him?”

She nodded. “He's rather badly hurt,” she said. “He's been a good friend to me. He's curiously loyal. But something, something he said one day--forced me to let him know.... That's been the beastliness of all this secrecy. That's the beastliness of all secrecy. You have to spring surprises on people. But he keeps on. He's steadfast. He'd already suspected. He wants me very badly to marry him....”

“But you don't want to marry him?”

“I'm forced to think of it.”

“But does he want to marry you at that? Take you as a present from the world at large?--against your will and desire?... I don't understand him.”

“He cares for me.”

“How?”

“He thinks this is a fearful mess for me. He wants to pull it straight.”

We sat for a time in silence, with imaginations that obstinately refused to take up the realities of this proposition.

“I don't want you to marry Shoesmith,” I said at last.

“Don't you like him?”

“Not as your husband.”

“He's a very clever and sturdy person--and very generous and devoted to me.”

“And me?”

“You can't expect that. He thinks you are wonderful--and, naturally, that you ought not to have started this.”

“I've a curious dislike to any one thinking that but myself. I'm quite ready to think it myself.”

“He'd let us be friends--and meet.”

“Let us be friends!” I cried, after a long pause. “You and me!”

“He wants me to be engaged soon. Then, he says, he can go round fighting these rumours, defending us both--and force a quarrel on the Baileys.”

“I don't understand him,” I said, and added, “I don't understand you.”

I was staring at her face. It seemed white and set in the dimness.

“Do you really mean this, Isabel?” I asked.

“What else is there to do, my dear?--what else is there to do at all? I've been thinking day and night. You can't go away with me. You can't smash yourself suddenly in the sight of all men. I'd rather die than that should happen. Look what you are becoming in the country! Look at all you've built up!--me helping. I wouldn't let you do it if you could. I wouldn't let you--if it were only for Margaret's sake. THIS... closes the scandal, closes everything.”

“It closes all our life together,” I cried.

She was silent.