Part 5

ANNYS. (To ELIZABETH.) We must finish out our talk some other time. You are quite wrong.

ELIZABETH. Perhaps.

LADY MOGTON. We had better begin. I have only got half an hour.

JANET. I saw Mrs. Villiers. She promised she’d come.

LADY MOGTON. You should have told her we were going to be photographed. Then she’d have been punctual. (She has taken her seat at the table. ST. HERBERT at her right.) Better put another chair in case she does turn up.

JANET. (Does so.) Shall I take any notes?

LADY MOGTON. No. (To ANNYS.) Give instructions that we are not to be interrupted for anything.

(ANNYS rings bell.)

ST. HERBERT. (He turns to PHOEBE, on his right.) Have you heard the latest?

There was an old man of Hong Kong, Whose language was terribly strong.

(Enter HAKE. He brings a bottle and glass, which he places.)

ANNYS. Oh, Hake, please, don’t let us be interrupted for anything. If Mrs. Mountcalm-Villiers comes, show her up. But nobody else.

HAKE. Yes, ma’am.

(HAKE goes out.)

ST. HERBERT. (Continuing.)

It wasn’t the words That frightened the birds, ’Twas the ’orrible double-entendre.

LADY MOGTON. (Who has sat waiting in grim silence.) Have you finished?

ST. HERBERT. Quite finished.

LADY MOGTON. Thank you. (She raps for silence.) You will understand, please, all, that this is a private meeting of the Council. Nothing that transpires is to be allowed to leak out. (There is a murmur.) Silence, please, for Mr. St. Herbert.

ST. HERBERT. Before we begin, I should like to remind you, ladies, that you are, all of you, persons mentally deficient—

(The door opens. MRS. MOUNTCALM-VILLIERS enters, announced by HAKE. She is a showily-dressed, flamboyant lady.)

MRS. MOUNTCALM-VILLIERS. I am so sorry. I have only just this minute—(She catches sight of ST. HERBERT.) You naughty creature, why weren’t you at my meeting last night? The Rajah came with both his wives. We’ve elected them, all three, honorary members.

LADY MOGTON. Do you mind sitting down?

MRS. MOUNTCALM-VILLIERS. Here, dear? (She takes the vacant chair.) So nice of you. I read about your meeting. What a clever idea!

LADY MOGTON. (Cuts her short.) Yes. We are here to consider a very important matter. By way of commencement Mr. St. Herbert has just reminded us that in the eye of the law all women are imbeciles.

MRS. MOUNTCALM-VILLIERS. I know, dear. Isn’t it shocking?

ST. HERBERT. Deplorable; but of course not your fault. I mention it because of its importance to the present matter. Under Clause A of the Act for the Better Regulation, &c., &c., all persons “mentally deficient” are debarred from becoming members of Parliament. The classification has been held to include idiots, infants, and women.

(An interruption. LADY MOGTON hammers.)