SECTION I.. _of an Obliging Deportment._

Of an Obliging Deportment.

Polite persons are necessarily obliging. A smile is always on their lips, an earnestness in their countenance, when we ask a favor of them. They know that to render a service with a bad grace, is in reality not to render it. If they are obliged to refuse a favor, they do this with mildness and delicacy; they express such feeling regret, that they still inspire us with gratitude; in short, their conduct appears so perfectly natural, that it really seems that the opportunity which is offered them of obliging us, is obliging themselves; they refuse all our thanks, without affectation or effort.

This amiable character, a necessary attendant of perfect good breeding, is not always found with all its charms, in the world. There are besides, some obliging persons, who force us to extort their services, who feel of great consequence, who like to be supplicated and thanked to excess. Do not imitate them: they make us ungrateful in spite of ourselves, they make gratitude a pain and a burden. When one asks of you any favor, reply kindly, "I am at your service, and shall be very happy to render you any assistance in my power;" or else, with a sad manner, lament that there is such an obstacle, &c. Then examine the means of overcoming the obstacle, even if you should be assured beforehand that none exists.

Other persons, pretending to be polite, make protestations of their services and zeal, without taking the trouble to abide by their offers when an occasion is afforded them: so great is their trifling in this respect that they can be justly compared to those false heroes who are always talking of fighting, and who would be put to flight at the sight of a drawn sword. These indications of zeal are suspicious, when they are employed every moment and without any reason; a knowledge of the world teaches us to discern them, and to give them that degree of confidence which they merit. Sometimes we can congratulate persons, wish them well, and have the appearance of taking an interest in the recital which they are making of their affairs, without really feeling the least interest for them. We cannot always command our indifference in this respect, but we are obliged to spare them that constraint and ennui, which would infallibly be shown if we should manifest to them the coldness which they inspire. It belongs to those persons who know the world, not to confound this politeness, with the pretended zeal of the Don Quixottes of the drawing-room, of whom we have spoken above.

In order that a service may be completed, it is necessary that it should be done quickly, nothing being more disobliging than tardiness, and the alternative, which you place a person in, either of addressing to you new solicitations, or of suffering by your delay. Your tardy assistance may perhaps be prejudicial, for one would suffer a long time before resolving to importune you anew.

Make use then of despatch. If any circumstances prevent you from acting, inform the person, apologise, and promise to make reparation for your neglect. On his part, the person who is under the obligation to you, should be careful of using a single term of reproach and of accosting you with an air of dissatisfaction.

When any one who is visiting you has need of a shawl, a handkerchief, a hat, offer it with a complaisant zeal, resist the refusal which is made (and which propriety does not require) select the best you have, in short, urge the persons not to be in haste to return the articles. If it is very bad weather, and the occasion a proper one, offer an umbrella or your carriage. These things are returned the next day by a domestic, who is charged to thank the person for them. If the articles are linen, they should not be returned before they are washed.

When a lady has borrowed ornaments of another, as for instance, jewels, the latter should always offer to lend her more than are asked for: she ought also to keep a profound silence about the things which she has lent, and even abstain from wearing them for some time afterwards, in order that they may not be recognised. If any one, perceiving they were borrowed, should speak to the person of it, he would pass for an ill-bred man. If the borrower speaks to you of it, it is well to reply that nobody had recognised them. All this advice is minute, but what kind will you have? it concerns female self-esteem.

One species of borrowing which is of daily occurrence, and happens very often to the loss of the owners, is the borrowing of books. Persons are so wanting in delicacy on this subject, that those who have a passion for books, and who are very obliging in other respects, are forced to refuse making these troublesome loans. The case, however, is a very perplexing one; we cannot say, I am not willing to lend you this work; but if the borrower is a suspicious person, we can say we have occasion to use it, that we regret it very much, but that we will lend it to him in a few days. However, we do not lend it at all.

Well-bred persons do not make a bare request for a book; they wait until it is offered, and then they accept the offer hesitatingly; they find out the length of time they can keep it, and return it punctually at the appointed day. In order to prevent every accident, they cover it with cloth or paper, since the favor should render them more careful than the value of the book; they also take care not to turn down the leaves, or make marks, marginal notes, &c.

If any accident happens to a borrowed article, we must repair the loss immediately. I shall not speak of more important loans, which are out of the range of politeness.