SECTION VII.

Of Eulogiums, Complainings, Improprieties in general, and Prejudices.

One of the most improper things, is to praise to excess and unseasonably. Extravagant and misplaced eulogiums neither honor the one who bestows them, nor the persons who receive them.

An infallible method of giving a meritorious person the air of a fool, is to address him to his face and without disguise, to load him with exaggerated eulogiums; it is indeed not a little embarrassing to reply in such a case. If we remain silent, we appear to be inhaling the incense with complacency; if we repel it, we only seem to excite it the more. Thus we see, in such a case, and even among very clever persons too, those who reply by silly exclamations and by rude assertions. You were laughing at me, they say; this cannot be tolerated; it is to be supposed that the person who praises you is incapable of such an act. I think it would be better to say, I did not know you were so kind (or so good) I should indeed think you were joking me. Or else, we should say, your partiality blinds you.

Persons who are unacquainted with the world, commonly think that they cannot address a lady without first assailing her with compliments. This is a mistake, gentlemen, and I can with relation to this point, reveal to you what my sex prefers to these vulgar eulogiums.

It is in bad ton to overwhelm with insipid flattery all women that we meet, without distinction of age, rank or merit. These insipidities may indeed please some of light and frivolous minds, but will disgust a woman of good sense. Carry on with them a lively, piquant and varied conversation; and remember that they have a too active imagination, a too great versatility of disposition, to support conversation for a long time upon the same subject.

But is it then necessary to proscribe eulogiums entirely? Not at all--society has not yet arrived at that degree of philosophy; eulogiums are and will for a long time be a means of success; but they should be in the first place, true, or at least probable, in order not to have the appearance of outrageous insults; they should be indirect and delicate, that we may listen to them without being obliged to interrupt; and they should be tempered with a sort of judgment, the skilful use of which, is itself even a eulogium.

I repeat, as I have often said, let there be moderation in everything.

Should we not regard as gross and ridiculous language, that exaggeration which we frequently hear used in praise as well as in censure? It seems that true politeness in language consists principally in a certain moderation of expressions. It is much better to cause people to think more than we say, and not outrage language, and run the risk of going beyond what we ought to say.

Under any circumstances, complaining has always a bad grace.

Banish from your complaints ill-nature and animosity; let your anger be only an expression of the wrong you have suffered, and not of that which you would cause; this is the surest means of gaining to your side persons who would perhaps be doubtful whether to favor your adversary or yourself.

Politeness is not less opposed to making excessive complaints to the first person you meet, than to the frequent and extravagant eulogiums which you bestow improperly upon those from whom you expect a favor in return.

By the word improprieties, we generally understand all violations of politeness. We, however, give to this word a particular and limited sense. It signifies a want of due regard to, and a forgetfulness of, the delicate attentions which seem to identify us with the situation of others. We will mention some examples of these particular violations of politeness. To accost sad people with a smiling face and sprightly manners, which prove to them the little interest which you take in their situation; to trouble by a whimsical and cross ill-humor, and by misanthropic declamations, the pleasure of contented persons; to exalt the advantages of beauty before aged ladies or those who are naturally unfortunate; to speak of the power that wealth bestows in the presence of people hardly arrived at mediocrity of fortune; to boast of one's strength or health before a valetudinarian, &c.

The sense which we here give to the term prejudices is still more limited than that which we have just given to the expression improprieties.

We do not mean to speak here of those erroneous judgments, acknowledged as such, which though undermined, and shaken, are still respected by that society which they torment. We wish only to admonish our fair readers of those unfriendly prejudices of nation against nation, city against city, and section against section; that malevolent disposition which with a Parisian makes the name provincial, synonymous with awkwardness and bad ton, and which, in the saloons of the Chausée d'Antin, allows no favor to persons lodging in the Marais; because the people of the Marais, provincials and Englishmen, do not consider it any fault to return prejudice for prejudice, and contempt for contempt.