Part 55

Baruch de Loppis

SELF-ESTEEM, n. An erroneous appraisement.

SELF-EVIDENT, adj. Evident to one's self and to nobody else.

SELFISH, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

SENATE, n. A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors.

SERIAL, n. A literary work, usually a story that is not true, creeping through several issues of a newspaper or magazine. Frequently appended to each installment is a "synposis of preceding chapters" for those who have not read them, but a direr need is a synposis of succeeding chapters for those who do not intend to read them. A synposis of the entire work would be still better.

The late James F. Bowman was writing a serial tale for a weekly paper in collaboration with a genius whose name has not come down to us. They wrote, not jointly but alternately, Bowman supplying the installment for one week, his friend for the next, and so on, world without end, they hoped. Unfortunately they quarreled, and one Monday morning when Bowman read the paper to prepare himself for his task, he found his work cut out for him in a way to surprise and pain him. His collaborator had embarked every character of the narrative on a ship and sunk them all in the deepest part of the Atlantic.

SEVERALTY, n. Separateness, as, lands in severalty, i.e., lands held individually, not in joint ownership. Certain tribes of Indians are believed now to be sufficiently civilized to have in severalty the lands that they have hitherto held as tribal organizations, and could not sell to the Whites for waxen beads and potato whiskey.

Lo! the poor Indian whose unsuited mind Saw death before, hell and the grave behind; Whom thrifty settler ne'er besought to stay-- His small belongings their appointed prey; Whom Dispossession, with alluring wile, Persuaded elsewhere every little while! His fire unquenched and his undying worm By "land in severalty" (charming term!) Are cooled and killed, respectively, at last, And he to his new holding anchored fast!

SHERIFF, n. In America the chief executive officer of a county, whose most characteristic duties, in some of the Western and Southern States, are the catching and hanging of rogues.

John Elmer Pettibone Cajee (I write of him with little glee) Was just as bad as he could be.

'Twas frequently remarked: "I swon! The sun has never looked upon So bad a man as Neighbor John."

A sinner through and through, he had This added fault: it made him mad To know another man was bad.

In such a case he thought it right To rise at any hour of night And quench that wicked person's light.

Despite the town's entreaties, he Would hale him to the nearest tree And leave him swinging wide and free.

Or sometimes, if the humor came, A luckless wight's reluctant frame Was given to the cheerful flame.

While it was turning nice and brown, All unconcerned John met the frown Of that austere and righteous town.

"How sad," his neighbors said, "that he So scornful of the law should be-- An anar c, h, i, s, t."

(That is the way that they preferred To utter the abhorrent word, So strong the aversion that it stirred.)

"Resolved," they said, continuing, "That Badman John must cease this thing Of having his unlawful fling.

"Now, by these sacred relics"--here Each man had out a souvenir Got at a lynching yesteryear--

"By these we swear he shall forsake His ways, nor cause our hearts to ache By sins of rope and torch and stake.

"We'll tie his red right hand until He'll have small freedom to fulfil The mandates of his lawless will."

So, in convention then and there, They named him Sheriff. The affair Was opened, it is said, with prayer.

J. Milton Sloluck

SIREN, n. One of several musical prodigies famous for a vain attempt to dissuade Odysseus from a life on the ocean wave. Figuratively, any lady of splendid promise, dissembled purpose and disappointing performance.

SLANG, n. The grunt of the human hog (Pignoramus intolerabilis) with an audible memory. The speech of one who utters with his tongue what he thinks with his ear, and feels the pride of a creator in accomplishing the feat of a parrot. A means (under Providence) of setting up as a wit without a capital of sense.

SMITHAREEN, n. A fragment, a decomponent part, a remain. The word is used variously, but in the following verse on a noted female reformer who opposed bicycle-riding by women because it "led them to the devil" it is seen at its best: