Part 19

"Und noding is more likely dat it all a shlander pe, So also de rumor dat vhen young he shtoody divinidy: I myself, ash a publican, moost pe a sinner py fate, Und in dis sense I denounce mineself ash Republican-didate!

"Ash Deutschers say - und Yankees doo - vhen der wein ish in der man, So ish oopon de oder part, de wise-hood in de can, Vhitch brofes dat wein und wise-hood ish all de same, py shinks! Und de only real can-didate ish der veller ash coes for trinks:

"Und dat ve may meed in gommon, I deglare here in dis hall- Und I shvears mineself to holt to it, votefer may pefall- Dat any man who gifes me his fote - votefer his boledics pe- Shall alfays pe regartet ash bolidigal friendt py me."

(Dis voonderfol Condescension pring down drementous applause, Und dose who catch de nodion gife most derriple hooraws: Eshbecially some Amerigans ash vas shtandin' near de door, Und who in all deir leben long nefer heard so moosh sense pefore.)

"Dese ish de brinciples I holts, and dose in vitch I run: Dey ish fixed firm und immutaple ash de course of de 'ternal sun: Boot if you ton't approve of dem - blease nodice vot I say- I shall only pe too happy to alder dem right afay.

"Und undo my Demogratic friendts I vould fery glearly shtate- Since dis useless mit oop-gecleared minds to hold a long depate- Dat dere's no man in de cidy who sells besser liquor ash I, Und I shtand de treadts free-gradis vhenefer mine friendts ish try.

"Ad finem - in de ende - I moost mendion do you all, Dat a dootzen parrels of lager bier ish a-gomin' to dis hall: Dere ish none of mine own barty here, bot we'll do mitout deir helfs; Und I kess, on de whole, 'twill pe shoost so goot if ve trink it all ourselfs."

Soosh drementous up-loudation pefore vas nefer seen, Ash dey svored dat der Copitain Breitmann vas a brickpat, und no sardine; Und dey trinked demselfs besoffen, sayin', "Hobe you wird sookceed!"- De nexter theil will pe de ent of dis historisch lied.

III.

PARDT DE VIRST.

THE AUTHOR ASSERTS THE VAST INTELLECTUAL SUPERIORITY OF GERMANS TO AMERICANS.

DERE'S a liddle fact in hishdory vitch few hafe oondershtand, Deutschers are, de jure, de owners of dis land, Und I brides mineslf oonshpeak-barly dat I foorst make be-known, De primordial cause dat Columbus vas derivet from Cologne.

For ash his name vas Colon, it fisiply does shine, Dat his Eldern are geboren been in Cologne on der Rhein, Und Colonia peing a colony, it sehr bemerkbar ist, Dat Columbus in America was der firster colonist.

Und ash Columbus ish a tove, id ish wort' de drople to mark, Dat an bidgeon foorst tiscofer land a-vlyin' from de ark; Und shtill wider - in de peginnin', mitout de leastest toubt, A tofe vas vly ofer de wassers und pring de vorldt herout.

Ash mein goot oldt teacher der Kreutzer to me tid ofden shbeak, De mythus of name rebeats itself - vhitch see in his "Symbolik," So also de name America, if we a liddle look, Vas coom from der oldt king Emerich in de Deutsche Heldenbuch.

Und id vas from dat fery Heldenbuch - how voonderful it ron, Dat I shdole de Song of Hildebrand, or der Vater und der Sohn, Und dishtripude it to Breitemann for a reason vhitch now ish plain, Dat dis Sagen Cyclus full-endet, pring me round to der Hans again.

Dese laws of un-endly un-windoong ish so teep and broad and tall, Dat nopody boot a Deutscher hafe a het to versteh dem at all, Und should I write mine dinks all out, I tont peliefe inteed, Dat I mineslf vould versteh de half of dis here Breitmann's Lied.

Ash der Hegel say of his system - dat only von mans knew, Vot der tyfel id meant - und he couldn't tell - und der Jean Paul Richter, too, Who saidt: "Gott knows I meant somedings vhen foorst dis buch I writ, Boot Gott only wise vot das buch means now - for I hafe fergotten it!"

Und all of dis be-wises so blain ash de face on your nose, Dat der Deutscher hafe efen more intellects dan he himself soopose, Und his tifference mit de over-again vorldt, as I really do soospect, Ish dat oder volk hafe more soopose - und lesser intellect.

Yet oop-righty I confess it - mitout ashkin' vhy or vhence, Dere ish also dimes vhen Amerigans hafe shown sharp-pointet sense, Und a fery outsigned exemple of genius in dis line, Vas dishblayed in dis elegdion py Mishder Hiram Twine.

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PARDT DE SECONDT.

SHOWING HOW MR. HIRAM TWINE "PLAYED OFF" ON SMITH.

Vide licet. Dere vas a fillage whose vote alone vouldt pe Apout enof to elegdt a man und give a mayority, So de von who couldt "scoop" dis seddlement vouldt make a lucky hit, But dough dey vere Deutschers, von und all, dey all go von on Schmit.

Now id hoppinet to gome to bass, dat in dis little town, De Deutsch vas all exshpegdin' dat Mishder Schmit coom down, His brinciples to foresetzen und his idees to deach- (Id est, fix oop de brifate pargains) - und telifer a pooplic shbeech.

Now Twine vas a gyrotwistive cuss ash blainly ish peen shown, Und vas always an out-findin' votefer might pe known, Und mit some of his circumswindles he fix de matter so, Dat he'd pe himself at dis meeding, und see how dings vas go.

Oh shdrangely in dis leben de dings kits vorked apout, Oh voonderly Fortuna makes doorn us inside out. Oh sinkular de loock-vheel rolls - dis liddle meeding dere, Fixt Twine ad perpendiculum: - shoosh suit him to a hair.

Now it hopponet on dis efenin', de Deutschers von und all, Vere erwaitin' mit oonpatience de onfang of de Ball, Und de shates of nighdt vere fallin' und de shdars pegin to plink, Und dey vish dat Schmit vouldt hoory, for 'twas dime to dake a trink.