Part 3

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The New York City board of education dismissed a woman fireman from one of the public schools, on the ground that it was not suitable work for a woman. It’s all right for her to get up at home winter mornings and make the fire but whenever there is a salary attached the work becomes unwomanly. Strange that women cannot see these things without having to be shown so often. There ought to be little sign-boards set up along their path, saying, “Public salaries are only for voters.”

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“Yeast,” a new suffrage play, is just being tried out. It is sure to cause a rise among the “antis.”

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A bill is before Congress to annex the North Pole as United States territory. Bet it comes in with a Votes for Women flag on the end of it.

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If the suffragists and the “antis” don’t quit writing letters to members of Congress the latter will raise the rate of postage instead of lowering it.

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Recent census reports show that 86.7 of all persons over twenty-five marry. That is quite enough—the other 13.3 are needed to show the married what they escaped.

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The woman-suffrage question in this country has been settled. The Colonel did it in his whirlwind tour of New York’s East Side. “How about votes for women?” called out the unscareable Maud Malone. “Madam,” said Mr. Roosevelt, “I have asked that you women be allowed to vote to determine whether or not you shall vote.” Just that; he never told whom he had asked, but the mere fact that he had asked was enough. All the women have to do now is to keep still and wait till somebody “allows” them to vote whether they want to vote. If one over one-half of the twenty-four millions says “yes,” then they can all go right out and vote. But if one over one-half says “no,” then the 11,999,999 that want to can’t. Beautiful plan—so simple, so statesmanlike! But it seems to lack provision for a recall and a new deal.

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Two women card sharps on a big ocean liner are said to have relieved a number of the male voyagers of all their ready cash. Another flagrant instance of woman’s usurping an occupation that rightfully belongs to man!

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Vice-President Marshall can’t do anything for woman suffrage because his wife doesn’t believe in it. That might be a sufficient excuse for Mr. Marshall as an individual but it is rather thin for the Vice-President of the United States.

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“Bachelors are much more likely to become insane than married men,” is the decision of the Massachusetts Mental Hygiene Conference. Yes, the mere fact that they choose to remain bachelors shows a mental twist.

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A New York paper sagely remarks, “Under any system we shall not get a government of cherubs until we become cherubs ourselves.” That’s too long ahead. Men have always told women they were angels, so why not begin with woman suffrage as the first step?

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“All the blessed creatures have to do,” said Representative Adamson, of Georgia, in his speech, “is to intimate in a gentle way, in their charming tones and pleasing manner to the lords of creation that they wish to have the privilege of voting.” How much that reminds one of Heflin, of Alabama—it’s so different!

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“Women of New Jersey,” said ex-Assemblyman Matthews at the legislative hearing, “if you want to improve the conditions of public life, I beg you to keep on being women.” As they felt that conditions very much needed improving, and for various other reasons, they adopted a resolution to keep on being women.

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For the fourth year in succession a woman has won the prize of $1,250 offered by an English publishing house for the best first novel. It is bad enough that there are a million more women than men over there, without having them add to the offense by such performances as this. They’ll never get the vote.

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The president of the Pennsylvania Anti-Suffrage Society asks its members to “write to all the United States Senators, except those from the suffrage States, and tell them that the great, silent majority of women do not want the vote.” She was very kind to omit those gentlemen—they might laugh themselves to death.