Part 15

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A young “efficiency expert” in Chicago tells his audiences that because a woman’s heart is in matrimony she is and always will be a failure in business. Give her a chance, son! Business is a matter of the head.

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Under the English poor law medicine cannot be supplied to a sick wife unless her husband makes application for it, and if he can’t or won’t support her the almshouse will not receive her unless he will come along. To understand the reason for the suffragette movement over there, read the laws.

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Those clever antis! What wonderful research work they are doing! Having discovered that woman suffrage has led to polygamy in Wyoming, Colorado, Idaho, Washington, Oregon, California, Arizona, Kansas, Nevada, Montana and Illinois, they have now found, according to their official statement, that it means “the deliberate return to savagery.” Alas, yes! one can hear the war whoops even now—they sound like the suffragists celebrating a victory!

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Frenchmen often express great sympathy for the wife-ruled American husband, but they can’t point to a case over here where wives have a quarrel and then stand their husbands up to fight a duel in order to settle it.

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Congress treats women better than their forefathers did, for rather than pay taxes they destroyed the women’s favorite beverage—tea—and held onto rum; but Congress has taxed beer and whiskey to the limit and left the women their soft drinks.

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The New York Tribune congratulates the country that the American woman is not trying to be a man. The very idea! As if women, having almost reached the top step, would deliberately turn around and tumble to the bottom!

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The-anti-suffragists have declared officially that they “recognize man as the head of the nation’s household.” All right, he is welcome to sit at the head of the table; but that doesn’t mean that the rest of the family must not have anything to eat.

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The Chicago American allows the women to get out a “suffrage” edition and they clean up a neat little profit of $15,000 for the “cause.” The New York Hippodrome gives the suffragists a benefit performance and their treasury can’t hold the profits. Seems as if we never hear of any anti-suffrage special editions or theater benefits. Wouldn’t anybody buy or go?

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All the pilots and captains on the Panama Canal are now required to be teetotalers. Pretty soon they will be forbidden to swear, and then Colonel Goethals will have to get women to run his boats.

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President John Adams is said to have declared that “politics are the devil’s own,” but that was when “they” belonged entirely to the masculine half of the population.

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A London physical-culture professor has announced that it is possible for every woman to have as perfect a figure as the Venus de Milo. If it is to be so common as that, the most of them would prefer to look like somebody else.

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They do say that out in those Western States husband and wife frequently vote the same ticket to avoid discord in the family, but it is not always the ticket which the husband thought he was going to vote when they began discussing the matter.

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A number of States have enacted a law that men who are physically unable to get to the polls may send their ballots by mail. This should dispose of the objection that the franchise must not be given to women because so much of the time they would not be well enough to go to the polling place. Incidentally, if men are not able to get to the polls, they are not able to fight, and therefore, if women must not be allowed to vote because they cannot fight, then these incapacitated men should be disfranchised.

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The National Women’s Anti-Suffrage Association announces that it spent less than $10,000 in the seven campaign States last fall. Why should it waste even that much good money when the other branches of the opposition were amply able to furnish hundreds of thousands and did so?