Part 2

Although the pearls of thought and monitory gems herewith presented are intended mainly for young men just entering upon the great work of life, there is neither man nor maid, stripling nor patriarch, saphead nor sage who may not scramble for them with avidity, and glory in their possession.

Young man, are you hesitating in the choice of a vocation? A reference to the admonitions under this head in “STOP” may be the means of your becoming a Millionaire, a Police Magistrate or an ornament to society. Are you in love, or willing to be? A consultation of the advice at your command may place you in such hobnobbing, soul-wedded relations with the rosy god as shall cause you to charm, to captivate, and finally to wrest the rapt, responsive throb from Beauty’s battlemented heart. Are you a driveling idiot in money matters? Imbibe, and be wise. And so on, through all the departments of existence.

Thus, panoplied, as it were, against the World, the Flesh and the Devil, you might eventually, in an agony of gratitude and wonderment, eulogize the author in the significant words of Hamlet, slightly altered, to the following effect:

“’Sblood! he plays on me easier than on a pipe! He would seem to know my STOPS; he would pluck out the heart of my mystery; he would sound me from my lowest notes to the top of my compass; there is so much music, excellent voice and incomparable counsel in this little book!”

Contents.

In Choosing a Vocation 9

In General Deportment 19

In Love Affairs 27

In Money Matters 39

In Guarding Against Bad Habits 48

In Judging Others 55

In Recreations 64

In the Domestic Relations 73

In Business Life 84

In Thought, Word and Deed 91

Stop!

In Choosing a Vocation.

Stop, first, and reflect what you are fit for. To rush recklessly into an occupation of which you are as ignorant as a horse is of music, is not to be thought of.

Stop, next, and consider if what you have in view is respectable. Or, if too much of an ass to distinguish between banking and bunco, for instance, read up carefully on horse-sense.

Stop, again, and be sure that your choice is in keeping with your capacity. To essay one of the learned professions if wholly uneducated, speculative pursuits if a natural born fool, or hod-carrying if lily-handed, spindle-propped and wasp-waisted, is hardly a proof of intellectuality.

Stop, your career being chosen, to master its rudiments before essaying its higher walks. Rome was not built in a day, nor is any vocation a spring-board to waft you into the empyrean at the primary bounce.

Stop long enough to master the rule of “addition, division and silence,” if seeking political preferrment, or employment as a confidential clerk.

Stop long enough in one vocation to give it a fair trial. Jacks-of-all-trades--men who are studying law in the morning, counter-hopping after dinner, peddling soap to-day, starting a bank to-morrow--are seldom successful.

Stop, and ponder deeply, before becoming that pitiable object, a professional office-seeker. Rather sink your independence of thought and action at once by marrying for money, or toadying upon a rich relative.

Stop, if a lawyer’s office-boy, before intruding your legal views upon your employer’s graver consultations. Think! Should you excite his professional envy at the outset?

Stop, if beginning as a dry-goods clerk, before imagining yourself a silent partner in the concern, with your four dollars a week as its chief investment. Self-respect is one thing, unmitigated, idiotic asininity another.

Stop, if at the tape-and-shoestrings counter, before aspiring to the glittering generalities of the ribbons and laces, or the grave responsibilities of the white-goods department. The cares of these high functions may surpass your conception, and we must creep before we climb.

Stop before entering the ministry, if without religious convictions, a sacrilegious scoffer, and morally depraved.