CHAPTER II. Be Polite.

BE POLITE.

William of Wickham, Bishop of Winchester, and founder of Winchester and of New College, Oxford, was so convinced of the value of manners that he had the phrase “Manners Make a Man,” inscribed in several places upon the walls of those structures. “Good manners,” said Emerson, “are made up of petty sacrifices.” Pleasant expression and action, pleasing exterior and true kindness are gentle delights which win the esteem of others and often contribute to one’s advancement more than real merit. Coarseness and gruffness, loose habits and “don’t-care” manners, never fail to lock doors and close hearts. “You had better,” wrote Chesterfield to his son, “return a dropped fan genteelly, than give a thousand pounds awkwardly; better refuse a favor gracefully than grant it clumsily. All your Greek can never advance you from secretary to envoy, or from envoy to ambassador; but your address, your air, your manners, if good, may.” These will give, as Emerson says, “The mastery of palaces and fortunes wherever one goes without the trouble of earning or owning them.”

Cultivation of politeness is like putting the finishing touch upon the picture, it sets one off to the best advantage. Like a flower bed encircling the lawn, it beautifies character. Like a lamp in a dark room, it makes one’s presence cheerful. Nothing has greater influence, and as Matthew Arnold said, “It is three-fourths of life.” As honey on the skin is a protection from the sting of the bee, so politeness will be a safeguard from the stings of the world. Doors will open at its knock. Sunbeams will sparkle in its presence, and everywhere, with everyone, it will act as a magic passport.

DEFINITION OF POLITENESS.

Politeness has been defined in various ways, but all meet at the same point, like the spokes of a wheel which center in the hub. “It is the art of showing, by external signs, the internal regard we have for others.” “It is,” said Lord Chatham, “benevolence in little things,” as the giving others the preference in every enjoyment at the table, walking, sitting or standing. “It is a willingness to please and to be pleased.” “It consists in treating others just as you love to be treated yourself.” Henry IV, King of France, was once taken to task for returning the salute of a poor man as he was passing through a village. He replied, “Would you have your king exceeded in politeness by one of his meanest subjects?” Because Nicholas I, Czar of Russia, saw an officer of his household treat an old beggar woman discourteously, he summoned him to his imperial presence. The official was quite pleased. Nicholas soon undeceived him, and in the presence of a dozen courtiers cut him to the quick with his indignant reproof. “Enough!” he said, finally, “you will walk up and down that corridor all night, and every time you turn you will say, in a loud voice, ‘I am a puppy! I am a puppy!’”

“I treat him as well as he treats me,” said a boy to his mother. She had just reproved him because he did not attempt to amuse or entertain a boy friend who had gone home. “I often go in there and he doesn’t notice me,” said the boy. “Do you enjoy that?” asked the mother. “O! I don’t mind, I don’t stay long,” was the reply. “I should call myself a very selfish person,” remarked the mother, “if friends came to see me and I should pay no more attention to them.” “Well, that’s different, you’re grown up,” answered the son. “Indeed!” replied the mother, “then you really think that politeness and courtesy are not needed among boys?” The boy thus pressed, said he didn’t mean exactly that. His father, having overheard the conversation, turned to him and said: “A boy or a man who measures his treatment of others by their treatment of him, has no character of his own. He will never be kind or generous. If he is ever to be a gentleman, he will be so in spite of the boorishness of others. If he is to be noble, no other boy’s meanness will change his nature. Remember this, my son, you lower yourself every time you are guilty of an unworthy action because someone else is. Be true to your best self, and no boy can drag you down, nor will he want to.”

Years ago, when Queen Victoria began her reign, the famous Lord John Russell was the minister in attendance upon her majesty at her Scottish home. There came late one evening a messenger—a little old man buried in a greatcoat—to the Aboyne telegraph office, and delivered to the clerk a message from Lord John Russell to one of the officials of the government in London. The message did not bear a signature. On seeing this, the ill-mannered clerk flung it back to the old man, and said, “Put your name to it; it’s a pity your master doesn’t know how to send a telegram.” The name was added and the message handed back. “Why, you can’t write either,” cried the enraged clerk, after vainly trying to make out the signature; “here, let me do it for you. What’s your name?” “My name,” said the little old man, very deliberately, “is John Russell.” Through his impoliteness that clerk lost his position.

POLITENESS A BADGE OF TRUE GENTILITY.

In some European countries the word gentleman stands for a titled or wealthy man. When Sir Lawrence Alma-Tadema was knighted a lady expressed herself to his lordship thus: “O, dear Sir Lawrence, I am awfully glad to hear of the honor you have received; I suppose now that you have been knighted you’ll give up painting pictures and live like a gentleman.” Many are they who have this idea of gentlemanship. But in our land the real gentleman stands for such personal qualities as honesty, truthfulness, gentleness and gracefulness which characterize a boy or man. Such a gentleman subjects his appetite, refines his taste, subdues his feelings and controls his speech. When accidentally running against or passing before another, it will be, “I beg your pardon.” “Please excuse me.” When receiving a gift or extending a favor, it will be, “I thank you.”

Some boys are not careful in their expressions. “Sir,” said Doctor Johnson, “A man has no more right to say a rude thing to another than to knock him down.” A young man once accosted Zachariah Fox, a Quaker, a rich merchant of Liverpool, with “Old chap, how do you make all your money?” The Quaker replied, “By dealing in an article that thou may’st deal in if thou wilt—civility.”

Monroe was so polite that he was called “A Gentleman of the Old School.” Henry Clay was said to make the most engaging bow of any gentleman of his day. Madison made it a point to touch his hat to everyone who bowed to him, and the front part of it was always worn threadbare in consequence of his lifting it. William Penn’s formal but kindly politeness impressed even the Indians with whom he dealt, so that they named him: “The Good-Big Chief.” James Russell Lowell was as courteous to a beggar as to a lord, and was once observed holding a long conversation in Italian with an organ-grinder whom he questioned about scenes in Italy with which both were familiar. “You should not have returned their salute,” said the master of ceremonies, when Clement XIV bowed to the ambassadors who had bowed in congratulating him on his election. “Oh, I beg your pardon,” replied Clement, “I have not been pope long enough to forget good manners.”

A number of years ago a company of workmen was standing before a store in Oxford street, London, looking at some pictures. The Honorable William E. Gladstone, who was then at the height of his popularity, halted a moment to look at the artist’s work. One of the workmen recognized him and stepping up, said, “Excuse me, Mr. Gladstone, but I should like to shake hands with you.” “Why, of course, I shall be glad to do so,” the Premier of England responded, as he extended his hand not only to the man who had accosted him but also to the little group of men who stood near, taking no notice of soiled hands or garments. Then he directed their attention to a fine engraving in the window, quietly pointing out not only its beauty, but some special feature in its execution that constituted its charm. Then raising his hat with a smile he bade the men “Good morning,” and passed on his way up the street. No wonder that in later years his fellow-countrymen called him “The Grand Old Man,” “The People’s William.” He was a gentleman, exhibiting a lovely spirit of true friendship and absolute equality.

POLITENESS SHOULD BE FIRST PRACTISED AT HOME.

What one is in the home is a fair criterion as to what he will be away from home. The manner in which a person conducts himself in the home determines largely his course and conduct in life. He who is polite and kind to his parents, considering their wishes, and heeding their advice and counsel, paves the way to future happiness and success. But he who spurns paternal suggestions, speaks and acts disrespectfully, is seldom respected and is always at a disadvantage. When Prince Bismarck was a boy, he was rebuked by his father for speaking of the King as Fritz. “Learn to speak reverently of his Majesty,” said the old squire of Varzin, “and you will grow accustomed to think of him with veneration.” Bismarck laid the advice to heart and from that day profited by it.

The truly polite boy is not only respectful to his parents but also to his sisters and brothers, always returning a pleasant “Thank you” for any kindness received at their hands, and showing as much courtesy to all at home as to those in the home of a neighbor. “A beautiful form,” says an American essayist, “is better than a beautiful face, and a beautiful behavior is better than a beautiful form; it gives a higher pleasure than statues or pictures; it is the finest of the fine arts,” it gives grace to one’s bearing and enables one to look on the bright and beautiful side of things.

POLITENESS SHOULD BE ACCORDED ALL.

Politeness is a universal debt that each boy owes to every person. The matter of caste, sex, position and intelligence have nothing whatever to do with it. It should be the rule of conduct wherever and in whatever society one may be, to practise politeness.

Charles V was renowned for his courtesy. When he passed John Frederick, Elector of Saxony, he took off his hat and bowed to him, though his prisoner, who had been taken by him in battle. The poet Burns was one day walking in the street of Edinburgh when an honest farmer saluted him, which salute he returned, when some one rebuked him. Mr. Burns replied that it was not the greatcoat, the scone bonnet or the saunders boot-hose that he spoke to, but the man that was in them. Daniel Webster was once walking with a friend in Washington when a colored man passing by bowed very low to him. Mr. Webster promptly returned as deep an obeisance. “Do you bow in that way to a darky?” asked his friend. “Would you have me outdone in politeness by a negro?” replied the great statesman.

WHAT POLITENESS DID.

Mr. Winans, of Philadelphia, became independently rich through his courteous manner. One day two strangers called on him. One was a foreigner who had visited some larger establishments in the city, but on their coming to Mr. Winans’, a third or fourth rate factory, he took so much pains to show all its parts and workings, and was so patient in his explanations and answers to their inquiries, that within a year he was surprised by an invitation to transfer his labors to St. Petersburg and manufacture locomotives for the Czar of Russia, He went, accumulated a large fortune, and ultimately received from his Russian workshops a hundred thousand dollars a year. Investing his money in real estate he laid the foundation of one of the largest private fortunes in Philadelphia; and all this was the result of civility.

It pays to cultivate politeness. To this day the Japanese people revere the memory of General Grant. While visiting the emperor, he was invited to cross the imperial foot bridge near the palace at Tokyo, across which none but the blood royal had ever trod. General Grant accepted the invitation and walked beside the Mikado until they reached the center of the bridge. Then he stopped, profoundly saluted the emperor, and said: “Your majesty, I have come so far to show you that I was not insensible to the honor you would do me, but I cannot violate your traditions. Let us return the way we came.”

Politeness serves one well. It is keener than sharpened steel. It is more magnetic than loadstone and worth more than jewels. At home or abroad, among young and aged, employers or teachers, inferiors or superiors, this glorious characteristic is a diadem from which sparkles a jewel, which is, as Chesterfield said: “The treatment of others just as you love to be treated yourself.” In the words of One greater than he, it is, “Do unto others as ye would they should do unto you.” All other things being equal, the boy who adheres to these mottoes is the one who succeeds. It makes him an acceptable companion, wins friendship and creates popularity. “Give a poor boy fine manners and accomplishments,” said Voltaire, “and he will become the master of fortunes and palaces, while princes stand upon their threshold to solicit his friendship.” Charles II. is described by Macaulay as being “the grandest rascal and most popular man in England.” Hume in giving the reason of this says, “He was the best bred man alive.”

“What thou wilt, Thou must rather enforce it with thy smile, Than hew to it with thy sword.”