Part 41

Hepworth Dixon, on being asked what men most desire in a wife, and what quality held them longest, unhesitatingly replied, "That she should be a pillow." Then, noting the inquiry thus suggested, he went on to say: "What a man most needs is that he should find in his wife a pillow whereon to rest his heart. He longs to find a moment's rest from the outer whirl of life, to win a ready listener that sympathizes where others wound." And she whose eyes are flattering mirrors, whose lips console and soothe, will find that she has secured a hold upon the heart of her husband, that the embodiment of all the virtues of her sex could not secure, were she wanting in this sympathetic tact.

Sweet-tempered people are the joy of the world. Their civilities, their self-sacrifice, their thoughtfulness for others it is that oils the wheels of domestic life. People who, according to the old phrase, have "tempers of their own," are not, at the best, agreeable companions. We may respect their good qualities, but we are apt to give them a wide berth where possible. But when they are inmates of our own households, the evil spirit must be confronted and exorcised if possible.

Many a wife has, by exercising her own self-control, subdued and shamed a tyrannical, evil-tempered husband into a better disposition, but never by argument, dispute, or anger on her part.

Many a husband, too, has by the firmness and sweetness of his own temper, won his young, impatient wife, tried by the half-understood cares of her new existence, to evenness of spirit and control of temper. "It is impossible to be cross where Charlie is," said one young wife, taken from a home where self-control had never been taught. "I am always ashamed of it afterward."

Fault-Finding.

"Take us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil our vines," and of the insidious foxes that spoil the tender fruitage of the household vine, a fault-finding disposition is most dangerous.

A quick, ungovernable temper is not as destructive to household peace and comfort as the nagging, carping, fault-finding spirit that sees good in nothing. A temper that is like a tornado in its violence at least clears the air as it passes, and is usually followed by quick repentance and ready reparation. But the fault-finding, nagging, suspicious temperament is a veritable foe in a man's own household.

Where no word of praise is heard, no commendation follows the best-intentioned efforts, but the ceaseless nagging, the ever recurring criticism meets one at every turn, it is not strange if the ties of affection are too often strained even to breaking.

Temper proceeds from, and is an indication of the character. It is inherited, even as features are; but, like features, it may be modified by culture and training, and a temper thus conquered becomes a very desirable possession.

Home Conversation.

Educate yourself, as a wife, to keep up with the times sufficiently to be at least a companionable conversationalist. Read the papers, read late books; endeavor to be as entertaining to your husband as you were to your husband-elect.

As a husband, share your knowledge of the activities of life with your wife, who, from the very nature of her occupation is excluded from much of its exciting whirl. Read together, talk together of art, of music, of literature, of the stirring events of the outer world, and put afar the evil day when topics of mutual interest shall have been worn so threadbare that the average man and women must feel a strange desire to fall asleep directly dinner is over.

Then, too, the children hunger for new ideas, and one of the greatest educational advantages they can enjoy is to listen daily to the conversation of intelligent people. Too many parents who are bright and entertaining abroad are dull and uninteresting in their own households, to the great detriment of their children and to their own loss of intelligent companionship in one another.

"What little Jack learneth not, the same neither learneth great John." There is a truth in this old saying that the parents and guardians of children would do well to ponder in their hearts, for it is a well substantiated statement that the first ten years of a child's life stamp upon his character the imprint for good or ill-breeding. Thus is spared the after struggle on their part to attain the grace and self-possession that should have been theirs by birthright.

Children are naturally imitative, hence the value of example over precept. The children of courteous parents will imbibe courtesy as naturally and unconsciously as the growing plant absorbs oxygen from the air and sunlight that bathes its leaves and petals.

Softly modulated tones should mark the words spoken to a child, and reproof carries an added weight when lowered tones convey the rebuke. Even a baby before it can speak recognizes shades of meaning in the tones the mother utters, and is soothed by the one and startled by the other.

Kindliness, politeness of the parents one towards another, are the first steps toward training children in the acquirement of good manners. Gentleness and sweetness of manner can be taught at the cradle far more surely than from the school-room desk, and when baby has learned to preface its little wants with "please," and Master Four Years-old to run and open the door for mamma, or mamma's visitors, or to give up the easiest chair without being asked, the firm foundation has been laid for courteous behavior in after life.

And so on, all through the school years, boys and girls may be so taught to respect one another's possessions, letters, feelings, and to discriminate closely between meum and tuum after such wise that they will be made better husbands, better wives, better citizens, for all their days.

Slang and Exaggerations.

By our own speech it is that we are sure to be judged, for,--

"'Tis only man can words create, And cut the air to sounds articulate By nature's special charter. Nay, speech can Make a shrewd discrepance 'twixt man and man. It doth the gentleman from the clown discover; And from a fool the great philosopher. As Solon said to one in judgment weak:-- 'I thought thee wise until I heard thee speak.'"

And if we talk with flippancy and exaggeration, load our sentences with slang phrases, and preface and punctuate them with oft-repeated expressions of "Say!" "Well!" "You know," "Do tell," and so on, ad infinitum, all wisdom, or propriety of speech will be lost.

It is difficult to believe in the refinement of a girl who permits her fresh young lips to utter the slang of the bar-room hanger-on, the gambler and the street gamin.

Equally difficult is it to believe in the absolute truthfulness of one who declares to you that the heat of a lovely June day is "simply awful" or "perfectly terrible," from sheer wonder as to what terms she would use to characterize the intense heat of some sweeping fire.

Again, it is hard to understand the taste of one who informs you gravely that "the chicken salad was too lovely for anything!" or the last evening's sunset was "perfectly elegant!" The Websterian definition of "elegant" being "polished, stylish, refined, etc.," it is to be wished that all perpetrators of like sins could meet the punishment a young lady once dealt to a gentleman who remarked with great effusion: "This moonlight is perfectly elegant!" To this observation she answered with gravity, "Yes, it really is very stylish!"

Let, therefore, all who strive for the grace of good breeding, men and women, boys and girls alike, "set a watch over their lips and keep the door of their mouth," for "words have wings, and so soon as their cage, the mouth, is opened, out they fly and mount beyond our reach, and past recovery."

Some Do's for Girls.

The following hints for girls, each prefaced by the auxiliary "Do," will prove a safe guide, not only for the girls but for any of their elders who may choose to follow them.