Part 10

History is full of examples of the failure of men and nations through the loss of Self-control. The Greek nation was destroyed because the people gave themselves up to idleness and the gratification of their desires. So were the Romans, who were conquered by the savage Goths, who possessed the virtue of Self-restraint. No man ever yet became great who did not practise the great virtue of Self-denial.

St. Paul said: "I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection."

No. XVIII.

SELF-RELIANCE

+Self-reliance is the power to help one's self. It is personal independence. It is that which makes labour enjoyable. It is that which adds Zest to a man's pursuits in life, and produces the highest success.+

He who learns the great lesson of Self-reliance will never lack the means of livelihood or the opportunity for usefulness. It is the duty of every boy to learn to depend upon himself. His father may be a rich man now, but it is far easier to lose wealth than to create it, and the day may come when his father may have to depend upon him. That every man should earn his own bread is one of the fundamental duties of life. St. Paul laid it down as a law for the Christians in Thessaly that "if any would not work, neither should he eat."

Most people have the stern necessity to labour laid upon them; but there are some who have inherited, or expect to inherit, wealth, and who see no need to employ their abilities in active, steady, persistent labour, and yet it is just these who have the power to confer special benefits and blessings upon their fellow-men. He who has no cares about the earning of his daily bread has a great opportunity to devote himself to some special line of labour which will result in a lasting benefit to the community in which he lives, and which requires leisure for its proper development. The rich man is a curse to his country, instead of a blessing, if he keeps his capital from active employment, and at the same time neglects to use for the good of his fellows that higher sort of capital--his personal abilities.

If the schoolboy wish to make real progress, he must learn to depend upon himself alone. He will never master a subject thoroughly if he go constantly to the master, or to another boy, for help. He who gets another to do his lessons for him cheats not only the master, but himself also. The boy who loves to overcome difficulties, whether they be in the gymnasium, or the class-room, or the cricket field, is sure to succeed in the struggles of after life.

Self-reliance comes naturally to some people, especially to those who have bodies trained by vigorous exercise. To others it becomes a habit only after long effort, but it is beyond the reach of no one. Two things are required for its attainment: determination and practice. We need not expect to attain any good habit without failure at first. But, as has been wisely said: "Perseverance, self-reliance, energetic effort, are doubly strengthened when you rise from failure to battle again."

Emerson said: "Self-trust is the first secret of success"; and in another place: "Self-trust is the essence of heroism."

It would be easy to give a great many examples of the virtue of Self-reliance. One of the greatest in modern times was that of Lord Beaconsfield, Prime Minister of England. He tried many times before he at last got a seat in parliament. The first time he tried to speak in that great assembly, he was received with shouts of laughter, when he said: "Gentlemen, I now sit down, but a day will come when you shall hear me." All will remember the wonderful Self-reliance of the Black Prince at the battle of Creçy. At the close of his life, Jean Paul said: "I have made as much out of myself as could be made of the stuff, and no man should require more."

Lord Bacon said: "Men seem neither to understand their riches nor their strength: of the former they believe greater things than they should, of the latter much less. Self-reliance and Self-control will teach a man to drink out of his own cistern, and eat his own sweet bread, and to learn and labour truly to get his living, and carefully to expend the good things committed to his trust."

Self-reliance does not mean Self-assertion. The truly self-reliant man is modest in his language and manners. The boaster has usually very little backbone to his character. Self-reliance is a deeply-rooted feeling of reserve power, which makes a man strong under all circumstances. It carries with it an equally strong feeling of self-respect. The old French proverb says that a man is rated by others as he rates himself.

Goethe's advice to young men was: "Make good thy standing place, and move the world."

No. XIX.

FRIENDSHIP

+Friendship is that feeling between people which leads them to trust each other entirely, to tell each other of their difficulties, hopes, and fears; to share with each other pleasures and sorrows; to help each other when need arises, even though it involves a sacrifice.+

Cicero thought Friendship of so much importance in life that he wrote a treatise on it. He said: "Of all the things which wisdom provides for the happiness of a lifetime, by far the greatest is friendship." Certainly, it is a thing for which human nature seems to cry out. Lord Bacon quotes an old saying: "Whosoever is delighted in solitude is either a wild beast or a god." Just as we all desire to be liked rather than to be hated, so we long to have, at least, one friend to whom we can tell everything, and who will stand by us. We envy him who has many friends. We may set it down as a truth, that if we have no friends the fault lies in ourselves. There is something lacking in us, or there is some horrid thing in our character that others cannot like. Real Friendship must be based on admiration, or liking for some quality that he who is desired as a friend possesses. The boy who lacks friends, but longs for them, must search his own heart and character to see if he cannot find out what is the matter with him.

It is better to have one or two friends than to be popular with the crowd. Some boys will do anything to be popular, even to sacrificing Friendship. It is quite a common thing for boys to make themselves out to be much worse than they really are in order to gain admiration. They will pretend to be guilty of all sorts of things in order to get others to think them more daring than themselves. The worst of it is that a boy of that kind often becomes thoroughly bad at heart.

It is in the power of every one to have at least one sincere friend; if we are willing to be unselfish, to forget ourselves, and to try to help others, we can have many. There is nothing that makes the daily life so pleasant as the companionship of a friend present, or the thought of a friend absent. Cicero said: "A true friend is he who is, as it were, a second self." But, if we wish to keep our friends, we must be prepared to make sacrifices sometimes. No man ever kept a friend for a long time without occasionally doing something to prove the warmth of his feeling for that friend. Friendships are generally broken because one or the other partner turns out selfish. Boyish Friendships would be much more lasting than they are, except for the great difficulty most boys have in "giving up" to others.

If Friendship is a sacred thing, how necessary it is to use care in making a friend! It is the sign of wisdom to have many companions, but few friends. To have many companions is to knock off our own rough corners, and to teach us the principle of "give and take." In dealing with a real friend, it should be mostly "give" and very little "take." He who tries to make a friend should begin by giving his Friendship, and give it with all his heart. But if he does that to one who is morally below his own standard, the result will be disastrous. The old Romans had a saying, taken from their poet Virgil, Facilis descensus Averno est, which means that it is wonderfully easy to lower one's standard of right and wrong. The poet went on to say: "But to retrace your steps, and escape to the upper air, this is a work, this is a toil."

There is nothing truer than the saying that a man is known by his friends. A man's Friendships are the test of his character. A Spanish proverb says: "Tell me whom you live with, and I will tell you who you are." When a boy leaves school to go into a bank, or other business house, his employers watch to see what friends he has. If they are not what they should be, the young man is looked upon with suspicion; he is not put into a position of trust; he may, some day, be told that his services are no longer wanted. In buying an article which we intend to last a long time, we are careful to choose the very best that can be had for the money. If a man is going to buy a horse, how careful he is to see that there is no blemish in him, and how particular he is to secure a thoroughly reliable man to look after him! And yet the same person is perhaps quite careless about the choice of his friends, though their power to yield him the greatest pleasures in life, or to bring to him the greatest sorrows, cannot be measured. Wise is he who heeds the words of the wise man:

"Enter not into the path of the wicked, And go not in the way of evil men. Avoid it, pass not by it, Turn from it, and pass away.

"For they sleep not, Except they have done mischief; And their sleep is taken away, Unless they cause some to fall.

"For they eat the bread of wickedness, And drink the wine of violence.

"But the path of the just Is as the shining light, That shineth more and more Unto the perfect day."

If you possess a friend who satisfies your heart and conscience, cling to him under all circumstances. If he find fault with you, be patient. "Faithful are the wounds of a friend." If he give way to wrath, give back the soft answer that turns it away.

If you cannot have the Friendship of the illustrious living, it is easy to obtain that of the illustrious dead. The Friendship of good books is one of the greatest pleasures of life. To win it, it is only necessary to form the habit of reading regularly, no matter how little at a time.