Part 4

DRESS, as trifling as it may appear to a man of understanding, prepossesses on the first appearance, which is frequently decisive. And indeed we form some opinion of a man’s sense and character from his dress. Any exceeding of the fashion, or any affectation whatever in dress, argues a weakness in understanding, and nine times in ten, it will be found so.

THERE are few young fellows but what display some character or other in this shape. Some would be thought fearless and brave; these wear a black cravat, a short coat and waistcoat, an uncommon long sword hanging to their knees, a large hat fiercely cocked, and are flash all over. Others affect to be country squires; these will go about in buckskin breeches, brown frocks, and great oaken cudgels in their hands, slouched hats, with their hair undressed and tucked up under them to an enormous size, and imitate grooms and country boobies so well externally, that there is not the least doubt of their resembling them as well internally. Others, again, paint and powder themselves so much, and dress so finically, as leads us to suppose they are only women in boy’s cloaths. Now a sensible man carefully avoids all this, or any other affectation. He dresses as fashionably and as well as persons of the best families and best sense; if he exceeds them, he is a coxcomb; if he dresses worse, he is unpardonable.

DRESS yourself fine, then, if possible, or plain, agreeably to the company you are in; that is, conform to the dress of others, and avoid the appearance of being tumbled. Imitate those reasonable people of your own age, whose dress is neither remarked as too neglected or too much studied. Take care to have your clothes well made, in the fashion, and to fit you, or you will, after all, appear awkward. When once dressed, think no more of it; shew no fear of discomposing your dress, but let all your motions be as easy and unembarrassed, as if you were at home in your dishabille.

ELEGANCE OF EXPRESSION.

HAVING mentioned elegance of person, I will proceed to elegance of expression.

IT is not one or two qualifications alone complete the gentleman; it must be a union of many; and graceful speaking is as essential as gracefulness of person. Every man cannot be a harmonious speaker; a roughness or coarseness of voice may prevent it; but if there are no natural imperfections, if a man does not stammer or lisp, or has not lost his teeth, he may speak gracefully; nor will all these defects, if he has a mind to it, prevent him from speaking correctly.

NOBODY can attend with pleasure to a bad speaker. One who tells his story ill, be it ever so important, will tire even the most patient. If you have been present at the performance of a good tragedy, you have doubtless been sensible of the good effects of a speech well delivered; how much it has interested and affected you; and on the contrary, how much an ill spoken one has disgusted you. ’Tis the same in common conversation; he who speaks deliberately, distinctly and correctly: He who makes use of the best words to express himself, and varies his voice according to the nature of the subject, will always please, while the thick or hasty speaker, he who mumbles out a set of ill-chosen words, utters them ingrammatically, or with a dull monotony, will tire and disgust. Be assured then, the air, the gesture, the looks of a speaker, a proper accent, a just emphasis, and tuneful cadence, are full as necessary to please and be attended to, as the subject matter itself.

PEOPLE may talk what they will of solid reasoning and sound sense; without the graces and ornaments of language, they will neither please nor persuade. In common discourse, even trifles elegantly expressed will be better received than the best of arguments homespun and unadorned.

A GOOD way to acquire a graceful utterance is to read aloud to some friend every day, and beg of him to set you right, in case you read too fast, do not observe the proper stops, lay a wrong emphasis, or utter your words indistinctly. You may even read aloud to yourself, where such a friend is not at hand, and you will find your own ear a good corrector. Take care to open your teeth when you read or speak, and articulate every word distinctly; which last cannot be done, but by sounding the final letter. But above all, endeavour to vary your voice, according to the matter, and avoid a monotony. By a daily attention to this, it will, in a little time, become easy and habitual to you.

PAY an attention also to your looks and your gestures, when talking even on the most trifling subjects; things appear very different according as they are expressed, looked and delivered.

NOW, if it is necessary to attend so particularly to our manner of speaking, it is much more so, with respect to the matter. Fine turns of expression, a genteel and correct style, are ornaments as requisite to common sense, as polite behaviour and an elegant address are to common good manners; they are great assistants in the point of pleasing. A gentleman, ’tis true, may be known in the meanest garb, but it admits not of a doubt, that he would be better received into good company, genteelly and fashionably dressed, than if he appeared in dirt and tatters.

BE careful then of your style upon all occasions; whether you write or speak, study for the best words and best expressions, even in common conversation, or the most familiar letters. This will prevent your speaking in a hurry, than which nothing is more vulgar; though you may be a little embarrassed at first, time and use will render it easy. It is no such difficult thing to express ourselves well on subjects we are thoroughly acquainted with, if we think before we speak; and no one should presume to do otherwise. When you have said a thing, if you did not reflect before, be sure to do it afterwards; consider with yourself, whether you could not have expressed yourself better; and if you are in doubt of the propriety or elegancy of any word, search for it in some dictionary, or some good author, while you remember it: Never be sparing of your trouble while you would wish to improve, and my word for it, a very little time will make this matter habitual.

Footnote 1:

Johnson’s folio Dictionary you will find very serviceable; and the Difference between Words reputed synonimous; a work in two volumes, written by me some years ago, and published by Dodsley.

IN order to speak grammatically, and to express yourself pleasingly, I would recommend it to you to translate often any language you are acquainted with into English, and to correct such translation till the words, their order, and the periods, are agreeable to your own ear.

VULGARISM in language is another distinguishing mark of bad company and education. Expressions may be correct in themselves, and yet be vulgar, owing to their not being fashionable; for language and manners are both established by the usage of people of fashion.

THE conversation of a low-bred man is filled up with proverbs and hackneyed sayings. Instead of observing that tastes are different, and that most men have one peculiar to themselves, he will give you, ‘What is one man’s meat is another man’s poison;’ or, ‘Every one to their liking, as the old woman said, when she killed her cow.’ He has ever some favourite word, which he lugs in upon all occasions, right or wrong; such as vastly angry, vastly kind; devilish ugly, devilish handsome; immensely great, immensely little. Even his pronunciation carries the mark of vulgarity along with it; he calls the earth, yearth; finan’ces, fin’ances; he goes to words, and not towards such a place. He affects to use hard words, to give him the appearance of a man of learning, but frequently mistakes their meaning, and seldom, if ever, pronounces them properly.

ALL this must be avoided, if you would not be supposed to have kept company with footmen and housemaids. Never have recourse to proverbial or vulgar sayings; use neither favourite nor hard words, but seek for the most elegant; be careful in the management of them, and depend on it your labour will not be lost; for nothing is more engaging than a fashionable and polite address.

ADDRESS, PHRASEOLOGY, AND SMALL-TALK.

IN all good company, we meet with a certain manner, phraseology, and general conversation, that distinguish the man of fashion. These can only be acquired by frequenting good company, and being particularly attentive to all that passes there.

WHEN invited to dine or sup at the house of any well-bred man, observe how he does the honors of his table, and mark his manner of treating his company.

ATTEND to the compliments of congratulation or condolence that he pays; and take notice of his address to his superiors, his equals and his inferiors; nay, his very looks and tone of voice, are worth your attention, for we cannot please without a union of them all.

THERE is a certain distinguishing diction that marks the man of fashion, a certain language of conversation that every gentleman should be master of. Saying to a man just married, ‘I wish you joy,’ or to one who has lost his wife, ‘I am sorry for your loss,’ and both perhaps with an unmeaning countenance, may be civil, but it is nevertheless vulgar. A man of fashion will express the same thing more elegantly, and with a look of sincerity, that shall attract the esteem of the person he speaks to. He will advance to the one, with warmth and cheerfulness, and perhaps squeezing him by the hand, will say, ‘Believe me, my dear Sir, I have scarce words to express the joy I feel, upon your happy alliance with such or such a family,’ &c. To the other in affliction, he will advance slower, and with a peculiar composure of voice and countenance, begin his compliments of condolence with, ‘I hope, Sir, you will do me the justice to be persuaded, that I am not insensible of your unhappiness, that I take part in your distress, and shall ever be affected where you are so.’

YOUR first address to, and indeed all your conversation with, your superiors, should be open, cheerful and respectful; with your equals warm and animated; with your inferiors, hearty, free and unreserved.

THERE is a fashionable kind of small-talk, which however trifling it may be thought, has its use in mixed companies: Of course you should endeavour to acquire it. By small-talk, I mean a good deal to say on unimportant matters; for example, foods, the flavour and growth of wines, and the chit-chat of the day. Such conversation will serve to keep off serious subjects, that might sometimes create disputes. This chit-chat is chiefly to be learned by frequenting the company of the ladies.

OBSERVATION.

AS the art of pleasing is to be learnt only by frequenting the best companies, we must endeavor to pick it up in such companies by observation; for, it is not sense and knowledge alone that will acquire esteem; these certainly are the first and necessary foundations for pleasing, but they will by no means do, unless attended with manners and attentions.

THERE have been people who have frequented the first companies all their life time, and yet have never got rid of their natural stiffness and awkwardness; but have continued as vulgar as if they were never out of a servant’s hall: This has been owing to carelessness, and a want of attention to the manners and behaviour of others.