Pamphlets and Parodies on Political Subjects

BOOK I.. Thus Kings Were First Invented, and Thus Kings

Thus Kings were first invented, and thus Kings Were burnish'd into heroes, and became The arbiters of this terraqueous swamp; Storks among frogs that have but croak'd and died!

Cowper.

Original Power--The ancient Gods--Tyrant-kings--The Apotheosis of James II. in the Chapel Royal--Charles II.--Paternal Government--God prescribed no Rules of Government--Origin of Kings--Saul.

Arise, O Satire!--tune thy useful song, Silence grows criminal, when crimes grow strong; Of meaner vice, and villains, sing no more, But Monsters crown'd, and Crime enrobed with Power! At vice's high Imperial throne begin, Relate the ancient prodigies of sin; With pregnant phrase, and strong impartial verse, The crimes of men, and crimes of Kings rehearse! What though thy labour shall to us be vain, And the World's bondage must its time remain; Let willing slaves in golden fetters lie, There's none can save the men who will to die.

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Yet some there are that would not tamely bow, Who fain would break their chains, if they knew how; And these, from thy inspired lines, may see, How they choose bondage when they may go free.

He that can levy War with all mankind, Retard the day-spring of the human mind; Buy Justice, sell Oppression, bribe the Law, Exalt the Fool, and keep the Wise in awe; With pious Peter, * cant of heaven's commands, Pray with his lips, and murder with his hands; Insult the wretched, trample on the poor, And mock the miseries mankind endure; Can ravage countries, property devour, And trample Law beneath the feet of Power; Scorn the restraint of oaths and promised Right, ** And ravel compacts in the people's sight;

* Peter the Cruel, King of Caslile He married the daughter of a Duke of Bourbon, whom he divorced, in order to renew his connexion with a former mistress. His excesses occasioned the people to dethrone him. He affected piety, and to govern by divine right!

** Despots seldom keep engagements.--The People of Prussia have a 'promised right' from their king of some years standing. After the Battle of Waterloo, he promised them a Constitution--but became a member of the Holy Alliance. In 1814, this king, with another of the fraternity, the Emperor of Russia, was entertained at an expense of 20,028L. 7s. 10d. in Guildhall London, by the Corporation in Common Council assembled, who also presented addresses of congratulation to the worthies, on their having contributed, by encaging Napoleon, to restore what the addresses called, "the Legitimate dynasties." The result is, that the legitimate Emperor of Russia backs the crusade on the People of Naples; and the legitimate king of Prussia is as little inclined to let the Prussians have a Constitution, as the Corporation of London find it convenient to return the 14,000L. of the Bridge-House money which they borrowed towards paying for the feast. The 'company they kept' and the money they owe in consequence, must be a satisfactory, because the only apology from the metropolis of the most free country in Europe, to the Neapolitans, for not assisting them in defending their national Independence, and their new-born Liberty, against the combined attack of "the Legitimate dynasties."

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That thing's a Tyrant!--and that People Fools, Who basely bend to be that Tyrant's tools! Examine then the early course of things, And search the ancient roll of Tyrant Kings, When the first man usurp'd upon his kind, Assumed exotick right, assuming reigned; Supreme in wickedness, more wicked grew; First forced a homage, then decreed it due.

Trace the first Tyrants to their fancied thrones, Placed in that heaven that all their crimes disowns:-- If in the Royal lists some monsters reign'd, Abborr'd by heaven, and hated by mankind, By lust and blood exalted to a throne, For all the exquisites of Tyrant known, The meaner name of monarch they despise, Alive, usurp the throne, and dead, the skies; Above the clouds th' incarnate devil stands, And nations worship with polluted hands! Old Saturn, Bacchus, and high-thundering Jove, And all the rabble of the Gods above, Whose names for their immortal crimes are fear'd, Monarchs and Tyrant-princes first appear'd;

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By rapes and blood the path to greatness stain'd, By rapes and blood the glittering station gain'd; Succeeding knaves succeeding Gods became, And sin aspired to an immortal name! The mighty wretches dwell among the stars, And vice in virtue's glorious robes appears; And Poets celebrate their praises there, As Indians worship Devils that they fear! Yet let us look around the world awhile, And find a Patron-God for Albion's Isle; Has she so many Tyrants borne in vain? Has she no Star in the celestial train? Heaven knows, the difficulty only lies, In who's the fittest monster for the skies!-- Satire, reflect with care, due caution give, Some -------- are dead, beware of those that live. If thou too near the present age begin, Truth will be crime, and courage will be sin!

Look back two ages, see where shines on high Great James, the modern Bacchus of the sky; But give him time before his ghost appear, Lest his uneasy fame bewray his fear: Alive, the patron of the tim'rous race, Fear in his head, and frenzy in his face; His constellation, were it felt beneath, Would make men strive to die--for fear of death! His exaltation with his crimes begin, See how we worship in his House of Sin, Aloft--we view the Bacchanalian King; Below--the sacred anthems daily sing; His vast excess the pencil's art displays, And triumphs in the clouds above our praise:

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What can, with equal force, devotion move, We pray below, and He's debauch'd above!* Look lower down the galaxy and see, In yon crown'd Goat another Deity; His orgied reel and lecherous leer outvie The old Priapian glory of the sky; His furious lusts the other Gods deface And spread his viler image through the place; On obscene altars blaze unholy fires To him, the God of all unchaste desires! **

* The Banqnetling House at Whitehall is now the Chapel Royal, where sermons are preached and Divine service is sung by the choir of the king's household. On the floor, are the pews for the congregation, the pulpits of the clergy, the altar with the sacramental vessels, and the other arrangements for sacred wor-ship. On the ceiling, the apotheosis of King James the First, painted by Rubens, represents the king in different situations crowned with the triumphs of drunkenness.

James the First held the highest notions concerning Divine Right. He had a mighty desire to be a great tyrant, but was merely a great driveller. He said on a certain occasion that "there is an implicit tie among kings, which obligeth them, though there be no other interest or particular engagement, to stick to, and right one another, upon an insurrection of subjects."--How-ell's Letters, B. 1. §. 2. Letter iii.

This obligation among kings to right one another, flows from their 'Right Divine to govern wrong!' The implicit tie to suffo-cate liberty, wherever it appears, is co-eval with tyranny--but it was never openly avowed until the present concert of kings. The Holy Alliance is--Despotism shewing itself.

** It was for this king, Charles II., that the phrase, "our Religious king," was invented by the Bishops.

If such Vicegerents are by Heaven appointed, The Devil himself may be the Lord s anointed! --De Foe

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We turn disgusted from the contemplation Nor seek more royal samples of our nation; But leave Posterity to find the place Of other heroes, of another race.

Europe, thy thrones have many a name in store, As bright in guilt as any crown'd before; Who, turn'd to Gods, shall shine in Poets' rhymes, And faithful Hist'ry shall record their crimes.

The first Paternal ruler of mankind That e'er by primogenial title reign'd, In dignity of government was high But all his kingdom was his family.

His subjects--were his household and his wife; His power--to regulate their way of life; His sway--extended not beyond his gate; That was the limit--of his regal state; And every son might from his rule divide, Be King himself, and by himself preside; And when he died, the government went on In natural succession to his son.

Next Families of mutual love and unity Together join'd for friendship and community; Form'd Laws, and then the natural order was To trust some man to execute the Laws.

Hence him they best could trust, they trusted--chose; And thus a Nation and a chief arose, Both constituted by a mutual trust; The people honest and the ruler just. *

* No hereditary king ever reigned in the world, but to govern by laws and constitutions which were established before he came to be king.--Coke's Detection, vol. i. p. 13.

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'Tis plain, when man came from his Maker's hand, He left him free, and at his own command; Gave him the light of nature to direct, And reason, * nature's errors to inspect; No rules of Government were e'er set down, Nature was furnish'd to direct her own; The high unerring light of Providence, Left that to latent cause and consequence.

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