Part 39

The feeling of swelling in my feet of walking on sponges sensation continues; a springiness, with a sense of looseness in stepping out, which requires some caution, as if I were not sure of my steps. The trembling of my hands is on the increase; feeling of soreness in my heart, more under left nipple; pain in my back, lumbar region. Some little scalding of urine; flow not so free and full, intermitting slightly, as if I had some calculus in the bladder which interfered with continuous flow. Stool more free and full.

Earwax, which had been very dry, now flows from both ears, but is more free on the left side. Left nostril sore; ulcerated. Throat sore and tender to outside touch. * * *

9 P.M. Very weak feeling, with pain in my heart; same place, under left nipple. Head aches and arctic rays in various parts of my body. * * *

January 5, 12 noon. Took twelve more globules. Numb feeling in my head. A feeling as if I would fall on my right side. A good drive this morning in the snowstorm; and felt a desire to bear to the right side and could not walk straight because of this, and had repeatedly to stop or step to the left to get a straight course on the causeway. A good deal of the same feeling, but very weak and sleepy; was compelled to lie down, but did not sleep, although feeling very drowsy; laid very quiet, as if I was in a stupor; the old feeling in various parts of my body, only more acute; a feeling in various parts as if a needle were being thrust into my flesh.

4:45 P.M. Took thirteen globules. A very stiff neck the most prominent feeling. All the previously recorded feelings, only more intensely. I have a painful boring feeling in the middle third of left thigh. * * *

8:30. Flushed, hot feeling in my head and face, but no increase in color; but then I have just come out of the storm.

9:30. Took twelve globules more and retired to rest; very tired; slept very profoundly until 1 A.M., then could not sleep. My back, in the lumbar muscles, ached so and my left leg that I could not sleep for hours, and my brain felt as if scalded; an intense burning feeling in the meninges, for this did not affect my power to think. This hot feeling commenced and spread down my back. An intense pain over left eyebrow, through my left eye to base of brain and down my back. The pain in the back of my head caused me to bore my head deep into my pillow, and reminded me of cases I have seen of cerebro-spinal meningitis. An intense weakness, as if I had no power to move, and no wish to do so, and yet I was afraid I could not attend to my business. Yet, strange to say, I was not alarmed, but passively indifferent. I could not open my eyes without great effort; it was hard work to keep them open and the easiest thing for them to close, as if there were a great weight upon them, keeping them down. I begged to be allowed to remain in bed until some one wanted me professionally, and yet I could not thus give way to my feelings, and so got up.

7 A.M. Feeling very weak and giddy. Staggering about my bedroom trying to dress. It was all that I could do to lift a hod of coal to the stove. The pains in my head and lumbar muscles, back of my head near atlas and middle third of left thigh and right elbow are the most noticeable from the great pains; and arctic coldness in my feet and hands and arms; have had a transient feeling of pain in the little finger and little toe of right side. Very feverish or parched in the night, and my breathing was hard and sounded as if I was drawing my breath through iron pipes. I feel that I must not take any more medicine at present. When I remember what a long time I was in getting to the end of the previous proving, I feel that I dare not go any further.

The dose I have been taking, a No. 35 globule, is as large as ten such as is ordinarily used for the 30th or for high dilutions, so that I have taken as good as sixty high dilution globules as a dose, and lately as high as one hundred and twenty-four and sometimes oftener daily.

I was surprised at these hot flushes and burnings in my head and along my spine. And these strongly reminded me of some feeling a proving of Gelsemium caused, only that has sweat, whilst this has no moisture, everything being dried up. Saliva, tears, nostrils, and earwax; the great weakness and pain in the body reminds me of cerebro-spinal meningitis.

My pulse rate is 68. 8:15. Temperature, 97 only.

1 P.M. What fearful aching in my body! Arctic feeling throughout my body, except my head and face, and oh! so tired. A feeling as if it were almost impossible to keep my eyes open. While out on my professional rounds a feeling came over me as if it would be far easier to lie down in the snowy streets than to keep trying to get along. The trembling is very persistent.

9 P.M. Oh! this bad feeling in my head, the aching, aching in my bones, in every part of my body, head to feet; no part entirely free from pain, my body so cold; a feeling as if I had holes in my garments, and cold, frosty winds were blowing through and freezing my flesh; cold penis and testicles, no feeling but coldness. A slight gluey discharge; a fluent discharge from nose, with great sneezing. * * *

January 9th, 8 A.M. Pulse rate 68; is not so full or jerky, but it is some. Temperature under the tip of the tongue, 96; deeper in, 97. This morning awoke at 3 A.M. and got up to urinate, but I could not stand without I had hold of something. Oh, such a weak, giddy feeling! I never fainted but once, from loss of blood, and these sensations are similar. Plenty of strength to hold me up, but unable to balance myself, and when I put forth an effort I staggered about like a man trying to walk with paralysis or locomotor ataxy. This idea was the most prominent in my mind, but I have a patient recovering from paralysis who has to swing his body as he walks, to get his feet forward, and is very weak and shaky about his knees, and these sensations very strongly reminded me of his efforts. His weakness is in his knees, but mine was from the base of my skull--cerebrum--where the pains have been so persistent near the atlas extending downward. When I arose, at 7 A.M., it was very hard work for me to balance myself enough to complete dressing myself, and very hard work to carry my head. If I bent forward, then it required great effort to keep from falling on my face or backward. This lack of balancing power was accompanied by a sensation of nausea, as if I were going to vomit. I persisted in my efforts to work, in hopes of shaking off these very alarming sensations, and by effort got through my morning work. Whilst shaving a severe jerk of my right arm caused me to gash my face; very strange, but I ought not to have tried to do this. I have now some numbness in my right hand and arm, and a good deal of trembling. Arctic feeling in my feet and in various parts of my body. This feeling of want of balancing power does not entirely leave me; a full, pressing feeling in all parts of my head. And when I walk I notice I lift my feet higher than usual, or than is necessary, and I put my heel down hard, as if I was not sure of holding on to the ground. I notice some twitching, as if my feet would spring up, making me walk as if I had the cock's gait, as it is described. * * *

7 A.M., January 10, 1893. Thank God I began this day with more comfort and more control of myself; my limbs are easier to manage; a little giddiness and staggering, and stiff, bruised sensation in my back and lower limbs. My cervical vertebra is less sore and have little pain; and altogether feel very much better. My pulse rate is 80 this A.M.; full and round; no jerks perceptible. Temperature 98 under the tongue, by the root. Mercury very slow in rising; had to keep the thermometer in a long time. I have a flushed, hot feeling in my face and head; no trembling, less staggering, and can manage my limbs fairly well. I feel as I dared not trifle with myself any further, for I am very weak. A very little exertion would make me feel very ill. I am feeling like a man who had just come from under a deadly risk; am very weak and prostrated, with every nerve on the jump. Oh, so very weak! A sinking feeling. A parched thirstiness in my throat and mouth. My tongue is clean; bowels regular; a good deal of flatus, very fetid; pale yellow, greenish urine (specific gravity 1008), smelling very fetid; same smell as the flatus; more like the smell of rotting sweet fruit or vegetables. * * *

January 14, 1893. Could not get out of bed at my usual time; very severe pain in head and back of neck, going down my back and right leg; twitches, with cold, stinging, ice-needle pricks. My right hand is feeling as if it were frozen. Pulse rate 64; full, round, but appears to have a pendulum motion or twitch. Temperature 96 3-5. Mind clear, but very weak in my body, and I can not get warm over a hot register or with hot fluids. This constant arctic cold is very hard to bear and makes me this morning feel as if I had a cake of ice on my back. My hands are blue with cold and my feet feel like lumps of ice. Headache and giddiness; could not keep from trembling while some patients were in my consulting room, and had a good deal of difficulty in steadying and controlling my voice; when excited could not get hold of the right words I wanted and dropped some when speaking, from a want of flexibility or a catch in my tongue. Pains in various parts of my body; the same locations and character. Quite a rush of business to-day and very ill-fitted to attend to it. My hands and feet blue and aching with cold, even while I was sitting over a hot register that scorched my boot leather, yet no feeling of warmth in hands or feet. A good deal of throbbing and aching in the upper part of my kidneys, the right one the sorest. Sharp pains in my bowels, near the caecum; some trembling (when asleep it awoke me) in my right arm and left leg, with a sharp pain near the ankle joint. * * *

January 20. Awoke this morning in a shivering fit. Trembling, giddiness and headache, but not very severe. Cold arctic feeling. Pulse 68. Temperature 97 1-5. My feet, 8 A.M., cold. Severe pain in left testicle, extending through to the back to anus. Bleed very much from old piles. An aching at end of penis, and no sexual desire. A feeling as if the testicles were swollen and painful, as in orchitis; this is only a transient pain, and comes and goes at infrequent periods, or remittent in their character. I notice my urine is taking on the greenish-yellow again, and my right arm is chilly from the arctic rays. My feet are cold, and the coldness creeps up higher in my legs. A great deal of arctic feeling in and around my heart. My breath is cold. Headache, but mind clear. Cold chills run over me in various parts of my body. My hands tremble very much at times, so that I can not write. Pain in testicles and coldness, as if they were frozen. Pass a large quantity of urine. * *

January 21. 8 A.M. Did not get up before, owing to the pressure in my skull, as if it were too full; dropsy or some swelling of my brain; giddiness, and a numbness down my left leg, and a jerking upward in both of them. Some trembling and coldness around my heart, and in my lungs and down my arms. My feet were very hot in the night until 5 A.M., when they became cold, numb and jerky, upwards. My pulse rate is very slow this morning, only 56 beats. Temperature is slowly forced up to 98. I have a sensation as if my left cheek were swollen, but it is not so. Trembling very much in my hands.

2:30 P.M. Have not been warm yet to-day; very intense arctic sensation in my body and heart and lungs. Slight cough. Numbness in my right arm. Much trembling, and a sensation of inward trembling in all parts of my body. Generative organs frozen cold, and this coldness extends up my back. My feet so cold that I have burned my boots, and yet cannot get them warm. Coldness extends up to my knees. Stiffness and pain in left thigh. Cold arctic band round my head, with fulness in skull. Pulse 60. Temperature 97 4-5. Good appetite. Mentally clear, although very weak; very tired and discouraged that these feelings last so long. They seem to be all beginning over again; worse now than they were a week ago. I feel more like giving up and going to bed sick, but I cannot afford to do so, so I brace up and resist this temptation to try and find an antidote for these recurring series of feelings. * * *

January 23. Slept well until 5 A.M.; then awoke with pains in head and burning in my feet, with some trembling and stiff feeling in my lungs and heart, as if they were tied or unable to move. As I lay awake I could hear my heart pounding away, but, oh! so slow. Felt very weak and wanted to stay in bed, but after some hard thinking I got up. 7 A.M. Very weak; staggered about while dressing. Pains in the base of the brain. Pulse 64 and irregular in its beats, some of them failing altogether to declare themselves only by their absence to respond. Temperature, after being held under my tongue ten minutes, 97 2-5. Very cold in my back and over my shoulders; hands and feet are blue with cold. Itching all over my body, and as if I was bitten with fleas or bugs were crawling over me. Skin of my hands very rough and cracks are in them. My ears have a feeling as if wax were running out of them.* * *

January 26, 10 P.M. It has required a mighty effort to keep up this day. My pulse 56, slow and irregular; temperature 98. Headache, yet mind clear; backache. Weakness in all my body; my limbs so weak in walking that it was difficult to keep going, and felt as if I could lay down or drop down anywhere. What heart failure symptoms are I do not know, but fear I came very near it and yet I have resisted this feeling, and kept awake and about. Have felt very ill all the day, and am so now on retiring, 11 P.M. * * *

January 29. 9 A.M. Just after breakfast, pulse 68, temperature 99; slept very heavy, but dreamed of treating many cases of black diphtheria. Awoke, slept, dreamed the same dream again, and again the same dream, three separate times. How very singular! During these provings, I have done this three separate times. Three dreams in one night--the same dream, the same disease, the same families in my dream. This singularity caused me to lay awake wondering what this can mean. I have not any patients suffering from this disease, and I do not know of any in the town, and nothing that I know of to bring this disease to my mind. Awoke feeling very stiff and sore. * * *

January 30. Head pains again, the same old character. Sensation of swelling in my face and pain in nerves of teeth, molars. Hot feeling. Pulse, 68. Temperature, 99. Very weak, but my mind clear. Much trembling and the oppression round my heart and chest producing a suffocating feeling that makes me afraid, and I must now seek some means to arrest this difficulty and give me some relief. I know it looks cowardly to give up, but my family compels me to do something to enable me to keep about. I cannot do any more; this heart oppression makes me think of heart failure. Pulse, 56, and temperature 96. Very weak. I hope it will wear away and this trembling improve. They have been caused by this drug, one of the most powerful. I gave up and went to bed very ill. I had to keep it from my family, but I was afraid my heart would stop beating and had a very restless night. I took acetic acid, as vinegar I had in some pickles I thought changed or relieved the first class or effort of provings and caused me to stop and begin again. I think it did help me. Next day very prostrated but did not take any note of my pulse or temperature, because I had began to try to find an antidote, and this vinegar and lemon juice has relieved many of them. I fear sometimes that the trembling in my hands may never fully leave me now.

February 12, 1893. Copying my notes has brought so vividly to my memory that I can almost feel the old arctic rays through my body, and the giddiness and staggering gait of the Heloderma hor. days. I hope that you may have many others more courageous than I have been, whose provings will compare or improve upon this poor effort of mine.

CLINICAL.

The case of paralysis that I spoke of, whose staggering gait was called to my mind by my feelings, is now taking Heloderma.

In the following case, Mrs. Ford, eighty-one years of age, has been my patient several times during the last four years. She suffered from erysipelas and dropsy in the legs. In September I was again called in for the same old trouble; the usual remedies were effectual. In October she caught cold, and had also a bad fall; her symptoms were those of pneumonia, fever, delirium and cough, pain in chest and hard work to breathe, blueness of lips, tongue and cheeks, cold extremities and was very low in appetite, and appeared to be sinking. Pulse, fifty; temperature, ninety, and to all human appearance was rapidly dying; all said so, and I fully believed so, but left Heloderma horridus, one powder in water, and ordered her tongue to be moistened with a feather dipped in this every half hour. I did not call the next day until evening. I was waiting to be notified of her death, but no such notice coming called to see, and, to my surprise, found everything changed. I then gave Helo. hor. 200, every four hours, with placebos. All the bad symptoms gradually disappeared, breathing became natural, heart gained strength, pulse increased to seventy, temperature to ninety-eight and appetite became better, asking frequently for food. This continued so long as she was taking this medicine. She was so well that I ceased to attend, she having no aches or pains, was eating and sleeping well, bowels moved regularly and night watching was given up. All who saw the recovery were pleasingly surprised, and so was I, and have frequently asked myself could anything else have done this. Lachesis has changed a slate colored tongue, and has aroused those who appeared to be dying for a short time, but to extend the life of one as good as dead for thirty days is a triumph for the Helo. hor.

(To the foregoing we may add that some have thought that the proving was too sensational, but other evidence that has not appeared in print leads to the conclusion that it is essentially true, and that the proving was made by one peculiarly susceptible to the remedy. We know of one gentleman who laughed at it and in bravado took a number of doses during an afternoon. He felt no immediate effects, but during the night awoke with some very peculiar feelings that he could attribute to nothing but the Heloderma, and they were of such a character that he refused to take any more. It would be well to use the remedy with caution until the practitioner has gauged its powers.)