Part 23

A very common form of mistake is that of omitting the Christian name from the courtesy titles of the sons and daughters of dukes, marquises, and earls. The sons have the title “Lord” prefixed to the Christian and surname: for instance, “Lord Alfred Osborne,” “Lord Henry Somerset.” It is extremely incorrect to call either of these “Lord Osborne” or “Lord Somerset.” The daughters of dukes, marquises and earls have the title “Lady” before their Christian and surname; “Lady Emily Heneage,” for instance, must not be addressed as “Lady Heneage.” Should she marry a commoner only the surname is altered, the “Lady Emily” remains. This may all appear a little involved to those unaccustomed to titles, but neglect of these forms indicates very clearly a lack of savoir faire. It is a source of great annoyance to the owners of courtesy titles to have the Christian name omitted. Anybody, even a knight’s wife, may be a “Lady Smith” or “Jones”; the insertion of the Christian name before the “Smith” or “Jones” means that the possessor is the daughter of a duke, marquis, or earl.

In beginning a letter to any of the above a stranger would say “Dear Lady Mary Smith,” but the usual form would be “Dear Lady Mary.” Inferiors would begin by writing the lady’s title over the word “Madam,” or merely beginning “Madam” and writing the title at the end of the letter.

In writing to an ambassador or his wife the title is placed above the word “Sir” or “Madam.” Inferiors would write “May it please your Excellency,” and would conclude with “I have the honour to be Your Excellency’s most humble, obedient servant.”

In writing to an archbishop a correspondent would begin “Your Grace,” ending, “I remain Your Grace’s most obedient servant.”

To a bishop the form would be, “My Lord,” or “Right Reverend Sir,” or “May it please Your Lordship,” the last being, of course, the humblest form of address. The conclusion would be, I remain, “My Lord” (or “Right Reverend Sir”) “Your most obedient servant.”

The beginning of a letter to a dean would be, “Reverend Sir” or “Mr. Dean,” the title of all these dignitaries being, in formal letters, indited above the beginning. Those having slight acquaintance would begin, “Dear Mr. Dean.” Strangers would end the letter, “I have the honour to be Your most obedient servant.”

Doctors of divinity are addressed as “Reverend Sir,” as well as archdeacons and all other clergy.

Intimates would begin letters to the above with: “Dear Archbishop,” “Dear Bishop,” “Dear Dean,” or “Dear Doctor.”

With the sole exception of lieutenants in the army, all officers have their military rank prefixed to their name. Ensigns and lieutenants are addressed as “Esq.”

In the navy admirals of the flag--white, blue, or red--are addressed as “The Honourable,” this being prefixed to the name. Otherwise a letter would begin “Sir,” and end, “I remain, Sir, Your obedient servant.” Commodores, captains, and lieutenants in the navy are all addressed in the same way.

PERSONAL SPEECH WITH ROYALTY AND RANK.

It is sometimes difficult to know how to address personally people of high rank. The Queen is addressed as “Ma’am” by those immediately surrounding her person and by princesses, duchesses, and others who are on terms that may be described as those of acquaintanceship with her Majesty. All others would speak to her as “Your Majesty.”

The Princess of Wales and all other princesses are in the same way addressed as “Ma’am,” or “Your Royal Highness,” according to the position of the person speaking to them.

The Prince of Wales, with all other royal dukes and princes, is addressed as “Sir,” or “Your Royal Highness”; the Duke of Teck as “Your Serene Highness,” as well as many foreign princes. Equals would address all these as “Prince.”

The following list will show the correct modes of addressing the nobility informally and formally, in conversation, the first being the custom among acquaintances, the latter by all others:--

Rank. Informal. Formal.

Duke Duke. Your Grace.

Duchess Duchess. Your Grace.

Marquis Lord A. My Lord, or Your Lordship.

Marchioness Lady A. My Lady, or Your Ladyship.

Earl Lord B. My Lord, or Your Lordship.

Countess Lady B. My Lady, or Your Ladyship.

Viscount Lord C. My Lord, or Your Lordship.

Viscountess Lady C. My Lady, or Your Ladyship.

Baron Lord D. My Lord, or Your Lordship.

Baroness Lady D. My Lady, or Your Ladyship.

It is one of the rules of etiquette that, in speaking with royal persons, the inferior leaves it to them to originate subjects of conversation, and never introduces any topic of his own.

Letters of condolence are among the most difficult forms of composition. They are almost equally trying to read and to write. The best rule to be given for these is to make them as brief as possible. If “brevity is the soul of wit,” it is also, in such cases, the very heart of sympathy. A very usual fault committed is to begin by dilating upon the shock or grief felt by the writer. The absurdity of this becomes apparent when one compares mentally the shock or grief as felt by the recipient. Two lines conveying the expression of sympathy are better than pages of even the most eloquent composition. Mourners require all their fortitude at times of loss, and anything likely to impair their self-command is the reverse of a kindness.