Part 21

“Remember, if a house is pleasant, and you like to remain in it, that to be well with the women of the house is the great, the vital point. If it is a good house, don’t turn up your nose because you are only asked to come in the evening, while others are invited to dine. Recollect the debts of dinners which an hospitable family has to pay; who are you that you should always be expecting to nestle under the mahogany? Agreeable acquaintances are made just as well in the drawing-room as in the dining-room. Go to tea brisk and good-humoured. Be determined to be pleased. Talk to a dowager. Take a hand at whist. If you are musical, and know a song, sing it like a man. Never sulk about dancing, but off with you. You will find your acquaintance enlarge. Mothers, pleased with your good humour, will probably ask you to Pocklington Square, to a little party. You will get on--you will form yourself a circle. You may marry a rich girl, or, at any rate, get the chance of seeing a number of the kind and the pretty.”

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“The dressing, the clean gloves, and cab-hire, are nuisances, I grant you. The idea of the party itself is a bore, but you must go. When you are at the party, it is not so stupid; there is always something pleasant for the eye and attention of an observant man.”

IN CHURCH.

I know a young man who makes it a practice to arrive late in church every Sunday. I often wish that he did not go to my church, for he makes me cordially despise him, thus disturbing the calm and quiet of the proper frame of mind for Sundays. I conclude that he likes to be looked at, though why he should do so is not apparent. It is, in fact, not only rude, but irreverent, to be late in church for the beginning of the service. If one should be accidentally late, it is good manners to wait till the congregation rises from the kneeling posture before making one’s way to a seat. It is almost an awful thing to interrupt a prayer. But I have seen people do it with no more scruple than if they were passing in a crowded street.

Eighteen inches are the measurement of space allowed to each sitter in the churches. In some it may be more; in others it may be less. But I have reason to believe that this is the average. Now, if any man of extra size should find himself in a pew with other persons, he must, in common courtesy, keep himself as well within the limits of eighteen inches as the width of his shoulders will allow. But I have occasionally seen quite slim young men sprawl far beyond the frontier lines.

Lounging is a habit of the day, and there are men who get themselves into marvellously corkscrew attitudes, in church as elsewhere.

Fidgety men are more so in church than anywhere else. They seem to find it impossible to keep still. Sometimes they even produce a cough wherewith to amuse themselves, though they are not troubled with it at any other time. The charm of a reposeful manner is denied to them. Reverence for the sacred place conduces to a quiet manner; but this is not always felt by those who attend public worship.

The conventional idea seems to be that such assemblies are merely phases of social life; that it is respectable to be seen there; and that the service and the sermon are things to be worried through in deference to a prevalent idea that they form part of an institution that is generally regarded as excellent.

The small minority are those who regard church services in their true light as lifting the thoughts above earthly things, and yet by no means unfitting them for earth. Where, for instance, could a better law of good manners be found than in the Book of Books? A glance at the end of the fourth chapter of Ephesians will show a code of conduct that, if followed, would make a man a perfect member of society.

CORRESPONDENCE.

It is impolite to leave letters unanswered for several days, especially if the writers are ladies, or, if men, superior in age or station. Notes of invitation should be replied to within twenty-four hours.

Plain white cream-laid notepaper and envelopes should be used, the latter either square or wallet-shaped, but never of the oblong, narrow shape peculiar to business correspondence. The address on the notepaper should be embossed or printed in simple characters, over-ornament being in the worst taste. If the writer is entitled to use a crest, it should be produced as simply as possible, with or without the family motto, and free from the glow of varied colour in which some men and women delight. There are letters whose devices in scarlet and gold are strangely in contrast with the meagre and disappointing character of their contents. They make one think of fried sprats served up on a gold entrée dish.

The writing should be clear, neat and legible, the ink black.

In beginning a letter with “Sir” or “Madam,” the omission of the name is remedied by inscribing it in the left-hand corner at the bottom of the note. In commercial correspondence it seems to be the rule to put the name of the addressee just above “Dear Sir” or “Madam.”

Should it be advisable to enclose in any letter an envelope for a reply, ready addressed, it is not good form to put “Esq.” after one’s own name in addressing it.

Married women and widows are not addressed by their own Christian names, but by those of their husbands. For instance, no one versed in social forms would write “Mrs. Mary Smith,” but “Mrs. John Smith.” Widows of titled men have their Christian name put before their surname, thus, “Laura Lady Ledding,” “Maria Marchioness of Adesbury,” “Georgina Viscountess Medway,” “Mary Duchess of Blankton.” The unmarried daughters of dukes, marquises, and earls have their Christian name invariably inserted between their courtesy title and surname, as: “Lady Mary Baker.” When married they retain this form, only substituting the husband’s surname for their own, as “Lady Mary Garth.” But if their husband should be a peer, they merge their courtesy title in his.

The third person in correspondence is falling considerably into disuse, and “presenting compliments” is almost obsolete. Invitations of a formal kind, and their replies, are couched in the third person, but for purposes of correspondence with strangers it is almost always better to use the first person. The exception is in replying to a letter written in the third person, when it is in better taste to reply in the same way. The third person is also used in writing to tradespeople: “Mr. Edlicott will feel obliged if Mr. Jones will kindly call on Thursday morning with reference to some repairs.” In this case the reply would be written in the first person.

Letters of introduction, says La Fontaine, “are drafts that must be cashed at sight.” They are sometimes difficult to write, especially if they have been asked for, not volunteered. They are always left unsealed, but should there be circumstances about the person introduced which the other party should know, it is well to communicate them in a private letter, which should be despatched so as to arrive before the letter of introduction is presented. Any one receiving a letter of introduction would immediately take steps to show some attention to the individual introduced. The usual thing is to ask him to dinner, if he is a social equal; to offer his services, if he should be a superior; and to ascertain in what way one can be useful to him, if he is an inferior.

A personal call must precede all invitations. This is a fixed and rigid rule, the exception being in the case of persons presenting their own letters of introduction, as is usually done. But should the person to whom they are addressed be out, the formal call must follow.

All ladies, from the Queen downwards, are addressed in beginning a letter as “Madam”; all gentlemen, from the highest to the lowest, as “Sir.” Tradesmen, however, begin “Your Royal Highness,” “Your Grace,” or “Your Ladyship,” in writing to their titled employers. They also address their letters quite differently, as will be seen from the following instructions:--

ADDRESSES OF LETTERS.

Her Majesty the Queen.

To His Royal Highness the Prince of Wales.

To Her Royal Highness the Princess of Wales.

This same form is used in addressing communications to all other members of the Royal Family, adding the title where the word “Prince” or “Princess” would be incorrect, as:--

To His Royal Highness the Duke of York.

To Her Royal Highness the Duchess of York.