Part 13

Should any lady sing or play, the gentleman nearest to her escorts her to the piano and helps her to arrange her music, to dispose of her gloves, fan, handkerchief, &c.

It is scarcely etiquette for young men to leave first after a dinner-party. It is more usual for the elders of the party to make the first move towards departure. But should the young man have an engagement of a pressing kind, such as a promise to escort ladies to a ball, he must withdraw in good time, explaining the position to his hostess.

No one leaves after a dinner-party without saying “Good-night” to his host and hostess. Even in the case of an early departure, before the gentlemen have left the dining-room, the guest must visit the drawing-room to make his adieux, not only to the lady of the house, but to any others who may be of his acquaintance. Those whom he has met for the first time that evening may be saluted with a parting bow.

At a formal dinner-party the evening suit is imperative, with dress-coat, white or black waistcoat, black trousers, and white tie. When dining with friends with whom one is on terms of familiarity, the dinner-jacket may be substituted for the coat. Black ties often take the place of white. Patent-leather shoes or boots must be worn. It would be unpardonable to appear in thick walking-boots or shoes; and the necessity for immaculately polished footgear has cost the young man of the present day many a cab. His varnished shoes must show no trace of mud or dust. To tell the truth, he often carries a silk handkerchief in his pocket wherewith to obliterate the traces of the latter.

The pocket-handkerchief used with evening dress must be of white cambric, and of as good a colour as one’s washerwoman will permit. It ought to be of fine quality. The hair must be short and very well brushed.

It used to be the custom to tip the servants on leaving the house where one had dined as a guest, but this has fallen into disuse. There are many men who hand a silver coin to the butler, or footman, or waiting-maid who helps them into their coats, calls up their carriage, or hails a cab for them, seeing them into it, or rendering any other service of a similar kind. This is a matter that each man must decide for himself. It is only necessary to remark that the custom of giving shillings or half-crowns to the servants after a dinner-party no longer reigns; though there are always good-natured folk who will not let it absolutely die out.

PUBLIC DINNERS.

The following information is supplied by a gentleman well-known in the City, and thoroughly au fait in such matters.

“Public dinners may be classed as those given by associations, or public bodies, and those given by institutions, such as some of the great City companies.

When given by an association, the function is generally managed by a committee, who have the arrangement of all the details, such as choosing the menu, the wines, preparing the programme of music, instrumental or vocal, and arranging the due sequence of the speeches.

A guest invited to such an entertainment who may not be of the few highly placed personages who sit at the cross-table or on the daïs, and from whom speeches are expected, will, on arriving at the hall, hotel, or public institution selected, find that the first thing required of him will be his invitation card. In exchange for this he will be handed a more or less elaborate menu card, which will also contain the list of music and a sketch showing the positions of the guests’ seats at the tables.

After depositing his hat and overcoat in the cloak-room, receiving a numbered ticket for them, he enters the reception-or drawing-room, his name is announced, and he passes into the room, goes up to the members of the committee, who stand by themselves to receive the guests, bows or shakes hands, and passes on to join the other guests who are either sitting or standing in groups engaged in conversation.

When dinner is announced the hosts and the highest in rank of the guests file into the dining-room and take up their position by their chairs, followed by the rest; any clergyman present says grace on being asked to do so, and the banquet commences.

Strangers sitting next to each other soon fall into conversation, and after the dispatch of the solid portion of the repast come the speeches. Music is played at intervals, perhaps a few songs sung by professionals, then dessert, cigars, and coffee, after which the guests find their way to the drawing-room for more general conversation, some preferring to leave without re-entering the drawing-room. In such large gatherings it is not necessary to take leave of their hosts, as a rule.

“Dinners given by City companies are very much on the same principle. The guest has but to don his evening clothes and carry himself with easy composure, not always quite a simple matter to the inexperienced, if one may judge from the hurried steps and the sudden bob that many give on entering the reception-room after arrival.”

At dinners given on behalf of charities, it is well to go prepared with a subscription, as a collection is often made on these occasions. If not prepared to subscribe, it is more discreet to stay away.

With regard to tips the only ones really recognised are those for which the plates on the cloak-room table are laid ready in expectation of small silver coins. Though no fees are actually necessary at table, the initiated person is well aware that the man behind his chair can administer to his wants and see that he is liberally provided with viands and wines or other matters without keeping him waiting longer than necessary. A tip, quietly conveyed before the dinner is under way, is not by any means wasted.

It sometimes happens that semi-official dinners are given at private houses, when proprietors of

newspapers or wealthy men interested in certain undertakings, entertain the staff of those employed. In such circumstances it may be as well to warn the guests against addressing the footmen as “waiter.” This may appear to be superfluous advice, but I have myself been present when the mistake was made, evidently to the intense indignation of the magnificent being thus addressed.

At such dinners as these, the host treats his guests as his social equals for the nonce. By having invited them to his house he places himself in the position of regarding them as he would his own friends at his dinner-table. Any infraction of this would be in the worst taste. It is also usual to abstain from any business talk at such times as these, the conversation being encouraged to dwell on general topics.

Though the fiction of social equality is maintained by the host, the guests need not adopt a familiar, free-and-easy manner in response. True manliness involves sufficient self-respect to preserve the possessor from falling into this error; but it is, perhaps, a little difficult for the novice, on such occasions, to bear himself in such wise as to avoid undue familiarity on one hand and an air of stiffness and standoffishness on the other. In his anxiety not to appear to presume upon the friendliness of his host’s manner, he is apt to wear a rather repellent air. And this is more particularly so when the employé is by birth the equal, if not the superior, of his entertainer. It often happens that a man at the head of a great business has risen from obscure beginnings to the command of wealth and a high position in the world, enjoying a title and many of the extraneous advantages of rank. Among those whom he employs may be several who are his social superiors in all but wealth; but any of them who imagine that this fact gives them any claim upon his consideration or entitles them to converse with him upon a footing of equality, make a radical mistake. Their position, as regards their employer, is exactly that justified by their standing in his firm. The true gentleman is well aware of this, and would never dream of asserting himself in any way on the strength of being well-born or highly educated. He leaves all that kind of thing to the man who feels his claim to gentlemanhood to be so shadowy and insecure as to need constant insistance.

Besides, the host is usually the elder, and deference to seniority is an important part of good manners, and sits extremely well upon the young.

AT A RESTAURANT.

When accompanying ladies who express a wish for refreshment, it is not necessary to select a very expensive restaurant or confectioner’s. One suitable to the social status of the party should be chosen.

The young man must pay for what his companions eat and drink, and very often this is a most embarrassing matter. He may have enough money in his pocket to defray the bill, and he may not.

In any case, he is often unable to afford it, but the probabilities are that if he has the wherewithal about him, he will pay in order to extricate himself from an awkward predicament, even though he may consequently be crippled financially for some days to come. If he has only two or three shillings in his pocket, he feels extremely uncomfortable.

No well-bred woman or girl would ever place an acquaintance on the horns of such a dilemma. But unfortunately there are many girls and women who are lacking in taste and refinement, and who would regard it as an excellent joke to play such a trick upon a “fellow,” as they would probably call him, and enjoy his discomfort.

The best thing to do in such a case is to be perfectly frank and open. “I’m extremely sorry, but I have not sufficient cash with me for the purpose.” It is very disagreeable to have to say so, but it is less mortifying than to have to acknowledge it to the waiter at the restaurant. A young man told me that he had once, in such a case, to leave the table on pretence of speaking to the proprietor and fly round to a pawnbroker’s to pledge his watch.