Part 10

When the sun is very hot, Bring it abundantly, but mind the people’s clothes. Observe the station and the ages, With regard to whom thou shalt begin with, if there is none to tell thee.

At table it behoves Not to give bad or offensive news; Unless delay might produce Danger—and then only to the person concerned.

Be thy mouth abstinent From eating while the first table is set. In drinking do likewise, So far as gratification goes, but thirst excuses thee:

Which if thou feelest, accustom thyself Not to drink underhand, nor of the best. Neither is a servant liked Who afterwards is long over his eating,

If he is where he can do this; And still less he who sulks if he is called When he has not yet done eating; For he serves best who serves other than his gullet.’

Before parting from the Documenti d’Amore, I will summarize a few more of Barberino’s dicta on points of courtesy and demeanour in general.

There are seven offences in speaking: 1. Prolixity; 2. Curtness; 3. Audacity; 4. Mauvaise Honte; 5. Stuttering; 6. Beating about the bush; 7. Restlessness of gesture, and this is the least supportable of all. Remedies against all these evils are assigned. For the 6th, as we are told, the (then) modern usage is to speak out what you have to say with little or no proem. As to the 7th, the moving about, as a child would do, the hands, feet, or head, or the using action in speech, shows deficient firmness. See that you stand firm. Yet all this is to be modified according to place, time, and the auditory. (It is amusing to find the dignified Tuscan of the thirteenth to fourteenth century reprobating that luxuriance of gesture which is one of the first things to strike an English eye in Italy down to our own day—more especially in the southern parts of the country. To have striven to obey Barberino’s precept, under pain of being pronounced bad company, must have proved hard lines to some of his contemporaries and catechumens.)

If you chance into uncongenial company, take the first opportune occasion for getting away, with some parting words that shall not bewray your antipathy.

To casual companions speak on their own respective subjects; as of God to the clergy, health to doctors, design to painters. ‘With ladies of refinement and breeding, laud and uphold their honour and state by pleasant stories not oftentimes told already. And, if any one is contrary and froward, reply in excuse and defence; for it is derogatory to contend against those the overcoming of whom is loss.’

If you come into the company of a great lord, or of persons who are all your superiors, and if they invite you to speak, inquire what the topic shall be. If you find nothing to say, wait for some one else to start you; and at worst be silent. In such company, be there no gesturing (again!).

If you are walking with a great lord in any country, conform in a measure to the usages there prevalent.

Following your superior, be respectful; to your equal, complaisant, and treat him as superior; and, even with your inferior, tend towards the same line of conduct. This, however, does not apply to your own servant. Better exceed than fall short in showing respect to unknown persons. If your superior, in walking with you, wants to have you by his side, go to his left as a general rule, so that he may have the full use of his sword hand. If it rains, and he has no cloak, offer him yours; and, even if he declines, you must still dispense with it yourself. The like with your hat. Pay similar attentions to your equal, or to one that is a little your inferior: and even to your positive inferiors you must rather overdo courtesy than fall short. Thus also with women: you must explore the way for them, and attend on them, and in danger defend them with your life.

In church, do not pray aloud, but silently.

Wait not to be saluted. Be first in saluting; but do not overdo this, and never reiterate a salutation. Your own lord you must not salute, unless he comes from afar. You should uncover to him: then, if he is covered, cover again. Do not exceed in saluting an intimate, but enter at once into conversation; and do not hug him, unless he and you are indeed one. Bow to ladies without much speaking: and in towns ascertain the ordinary practice in such cases, and observe it. If you see a female relative in your own town, she being alone, or in company with only one person, and if she is handsome, accost her as though she were not your relative, unless your relationship is a fact known to the bystanders, (This is a master-touch: and here is another, of a nearly similar sort)—

In serving a man of distinction, if you meet his wife, affect not to observe her; and, if she gives you any commission to fulfil, don’t show that it gratifies you.

The 16th ‘Documento’ sets forth ‘the method of making presents so that the gift be acceptable.’ It is so admirable in point of both sense and expression that I quote the original in a note, secure that that will be a gift acceptable to all such readers of these pages as may be readers of Italian also. What can be more perfect than the censure awarded to those who are in a chafe until, by reciprocating any service rendered to them, they shall have wiped it out?

‘Be all aware That it is no small flaw to mislike Remaining under an obligation: Nay, it then seems that one is liberal by compulsion.’

Barberino’s second work, Del Reggimento e dei Costumi delle Donne, furnishes, strange to say, hardly any express rules for conduct, at table; but some details may, for our general purpose, be picked out of an emporium whose abundance can be surmised from the following programme.

‘I will divide this work into 20 parts: And each part Shall present certain distinct grades, As the foregoing reading shows, The 1st will relate how a girl Should conduct herself When she begins to appreciate right and wrong, And to fear shame. 2nd, How, when She comes to a marriageable age. 3rd, How, when she has passed. The period for marriage. 4th, if, after she has given up the hope of ever Obtaining a husband, it happens That yet she gets one, and remains At home awhile before going to him. The 5th, How, after she is married; And how the first, and how The second and third, Up to fifteen days; and the first month, And the second and third; And how on to her end: Both before having children, and afterwards, and if she Has none: and how in old age. The 6th, How, if she loses her husband: And how if she is old; And how if she is of middle age; And how if she is left young; And how if she has children; And how if she is a grandmother; And how if she still Remains mistress of her husband’s property; And if she, being a widow, takes The garb of religion. The 7th sets forth How she should comport herself If she marries again; And how if to a better [husband], And how if to a worse And less wealthy one; And how if she yet goes to a third; And how, after she has become a widow, And has again taken a husband, She remains awhile at home Before going to him; And how far re-marrying is praised or blamed. 8th, How, she Who assumes the habit Of a religious order at home; And how this is praised or no. 9th, How, being shut up in a monastery In perpetual reclusion; And how the Abbess, Superior, and Prioress, And every other Portress or Nun. 10th, How she Who secludes herself alone Is named a Hermitess; and wherein this is to blame. 11th, How The maid who is In companionship with a lady; And how if she is alone, And how if one among others in the like office. 12th, How Every serving-woman shall conduct herself, Whether serving a lady alone, or a lady along With the master; and also if any, by herself, Serves a master; and how This is to be praised, and how not. 13th, How, A nurse in the house, and how apart. 14th, How, The female serf or slave; And how, being a serf, She may afterwards, through her conduct, obtain her liberty. 15th, How Every kind of woman Of the common sort should behave, And of a lower and poorer sort; and all Save the bad ones of dissolute life Who sell their honour for money,— Whom I do not purpose To put in writing, Nor to make any mention of them, For they are not worthy to be named. 16th treats Of certain general precepts To all women; and of their ornaments, And their adventures. 17th, of their consolations. 18th, because sometimes They must know how to speak and converse And answer, and be in company, Here will be treated upon questions of love And courtesy and breeding. 19th treats Of certain motetts and messages Of ladies to knights, And of other sorts Of women and men. The 20th treats Of certain orisons. And in this part is the conclusion Of the book; and how I carry this book To the Lady who is above-named, And how she receives it; And how the Virtues Come before her.’

The promise here is rich indeed, and the performance also is rich; though it may fairly be said that various sections fall considerably below one’s expectations, and some of them are jejune enough. But, after every deduction has been made, the work fills a niche of its own, and without competitor.

I add a few of the details most germane to our purpose.

A young girl should drink but little, and that diluted. She must not loll at table, nor prop her arms thereon. Here she should speak even less than at other times. The daughters of Knights (Cavalier da Scudo), Judges, Physicians, or others of similar condition, had better learn the art of cooking, though possibly circumstances will not call upon them to put it in practice.

A Princess approaching the marriageable age should not go out to church; as she ought, as far as possible, to avoid being seen about. (The marriageable age, be it understood, is very early by Barberino’s reckoning, being twelve years.) A woman should never go out alone.

An unmarried young lady had better wear a topaz, which is proved by experience to be an antidote to carnal desire.

A Provençal gentleman, who was praising his wife for her extreme simplicity in attire, was asked, ‘Why then does she comb her hair?’ He replied: ‘To show that she is a woman, whose very nature it is to be trim in person.’

A Lady’s-maid should not tell tales to her mistress of any peccadilloes of the husband: still less should she report to the husband anything against his wife, unless it be a grave and open misdoing.

The section concerning Nurses (Part 13) contains much curious matter: especially as showing how much reliance was placed upon swaddling and other details of infant management, for the improvement of good looks, and correction of blemishes. Here we find also that the system against which Rousseau waged such earnest war, of mothers’ not suckling their own children, was already in full vigour in Barberino’s time. He enters no protest against it; but does recommend mothers to follow the more natural plan, if they can, and so please God, and earn the children’s love.

A she-Barber must not ogle or flirt with her customers, but attend to her washes and razors. A Fruiteress must not put green leaves with old fruits, nor the best fruits uppermost, to take her customers in. A Landlady must not sell re-cooked victuals.