How to Become Rich: a Treatise on Phrenology, Choice of Professions and Matrimony

Part Ii. Professional Interviews.

Physiognomy of Matrimony. Some People You Meet. Study in Ancient Skulls. A Phrenological Study. Was Hawes Insane? How Living Heads and Dead Skulls are Measured. Crime and its Causes. A Murdererís Mentality. Phrenology in Politics. Definitions of the Faculties of Intelligence. The Phrenological Examination. Examples of Phrenometrical Measurements. Examinations from Photographs. Advertisements The Grand Table of Vitosophy. Eat Some Sand! The Vitosophy Club Lessons. "The Solution of the Problem of Human Life". Donohueís Hand Book and Manual of Information There is Money in Poultry

Phrenology.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN:--

In presenting the Science of Phrenology to you to-night, I make one request, and hope you will grant it as a personal favor to me, that is, that you will dismiss from your minds everything that you ever heard about Phrenology and listen to my argument with your minds freed from the prejudices, favorable or unfavorable, that may have been created by other lecturers upon the subject, for this reason: There are, I regret to say, in our country, a class of men lecturing upon Phrenology, who have never mastered even the rudiments of the science; who have merely learned the location and nomenclature of the organs of the brain, and who, by flattery and cheap wit, degrade this noble science to the level of mere "bumpology," until the average good citizen who has never investigated the subject has come to look upon the term Phrenologist as signifying one who goes about over the country feeling the bumps on the heads of those who consult him, looking for hills and hollows, depressions and ridges of the cranium, and predicating thereon a delineation of character.

It is my happy privilege to-night to disabuse your minds of this conception, and to present Phrenology in its true light, and I bespeak from you the thoughtful consideration which an honest man may demand from honest thinking men and women in the investigation of a practical science.

I am always able to recognize in my audience, three classes of persons. I can tell them by their phrenological appearances whenever they are before me. The first class is composed of those who have already tested phrenology and found it valuable, who have studied the subject and appropriated its truths, and before whom I need not argue its utility. I shall be able to please the members of my audience who belong to this class, and to lead them further in the paths they have already found pleasant and profitable. I shall unfold some new truths and add to their store of valuable knowledge.

The second class is composed of that large number of intelligent persons, in every community, who have not investigated this subject, who are willing to approach it in a spirit of candor and honest inquiry, anxious to accept anything which is reasonable and good, and equally intent upon rejecting that which is fraudulent and evil, and I invite the careful criticism of this class; and if, in my exposition of this subject, I announce a single proposition which will not bear the closest scrutiny; if I say aught which conflicts with common sense or reason, nay, if you can find one single natural fact to militate against the principles which I announce as fundamental to this science, I will be obliged to the gentleman or lady who will raise the question with me, and I will either prove my position to the satisfaction of this audience or retire from the field forever.

The third class, unfortunately, are always with us, but I do not expect to convince them. They never were known to be convinced of anything. You can easily learn to distinguish an individual of this class by the shape of his head. Here is one I carry for illustration. He argues that the world is flat and does not revolve on its axis once in 24 hours, because, if it did, the water would all be spilled out of the Mississippi river. Life is too short to argue with this class, and I can only promise them that before I leave this platform they will be in the same category that a fellow was once who went to a prayer-meeting slightly intoxicated and fell asleep. Toward the close of the meeting everybody began to get happy, and the preacher called on everybody who wanted to go to Heaven to stand up. Everybody stood up but our intoxicated friend, who was awakened by the uprising. Then the preacher called on everybody who wanted to go to hell to stand up. Our friend by this time comprehended that something was before the house and staggered to his feet. He took one look at the preacher standing at the other end of the church and said: "Parson, (hic) I don't know what the question, is (hic) before the house, but you and I (hic) are in the smallest minority that ever I saw."

So it is with you, my friends. If you don't believe in Phrenology when I dismiss you to-night, remember that you are in the minority in this audience, and a very small minority at that, composed of unprogressive mossbacks and persons of small mental capacity, and if you will call at my rooms to-morrow, I'll tell you to which of these classes you belong.

In the study of scientific topics it is well in the outset to establish definitions. I will, therefore, commence by looking our subject squarely in the face, and establishing a concise definition of Phrenology.

PHRENOLOGY is the science of intelligence. It is derived from two Greek words--Phren intelligence Logos "discourse" or science. But before we can properly understand this definition we must have a definition of the term "Science," which is about as often misused as any word I know.

Science is classified knowledge. The word itself in its etymology signifies what we know about a particular subject. And whenever we learn two facts about any subject, and we differentiate and classify those two facts, we have a science of that subject. Thus we have the science of Astronomy, containing the classified facts that intelligent observers have learned concerning the stars. The science of Mathematics, a classification of knowledge concerning numbers, and the science of Phrenology, which simply means the facts that intelligent observers have collected concerning intelligence, classified and reduced to rules to serve a practical purpose.

Before I leave this term "Science," I wish to draw a distinction between a science and an art. The science is the classified knowledge; the art is the process of turning that knowledge to practical account. The science of Astronomy never discovered a star, the science of Arithmetic never computed the value of a fraction. The sciences are merely icebergs of cold, hard facts piled up in crystallized principles and rules. Art is the warm, living application of these principles and rules to serve the needs of mankind. The art of Astronomy, with the assistance of its handmaiden, the art of Mathematics, astounds the world with its achievements, and holds in one hand the balances with which it weighs the sun, and in the other the chain with which it surveys the distance to the Pleiades.

So with the Science and Art of Phrenology. The science is as absolute as Mathematics. In its principles there are no fallacies. To its rules there are absolutely no exceptions. The Art of Phrenology, on the other hand, is estimative, and the results of its application will depend on the graces, the gifts and the abilities of him who seeks to apply it. As we have brilliant astronomers and poor astronomers, as we have correct mathematicians and incorrect ones, so we may have phrenologists whose discoveries and whose workmanship may command the admiration of the world, those whose talents are of the order of mediocrity, and those who blunder on all occasions.

You have had Phrenology defined to you as the Science of Intelligence, and you naturally ask for a definition of intelligence itself.

Intelligence is the result of the radiation of magnetism from every object in the universe. Magnetism is radiated by different bodies in different degrees of intensity. Man is provided with seven distinct organs of sense, which receive and interpret these radiations. The lowest rate of vibration is received and interpreted by the sense of gender and the next stage by the sense of touch. Above that we have the senses of taste, hearing, sight, smell and clairvoyance. So that the human body is in reality a magnetic musical instrument of seven octaves, each octave constituting a separate sense and each sense subdivided into seven degrees. The radiation of magnetism from exterior objects strikes the human body in these different degrees of vibration and it is the ability of the body to receive these vibrations and of the brain to analyze them, which constitutes the intelligence of the individual. The absence of any organ of sense or the absence of any part of the brain needed in its analysis is accompanied by the corresponding absence or diminution of intelligence. Reasoning therefor from these premises it follows that by inspection of the organization of an individual and by careful examination of his organs of sense and brain capacity we are able to determine how much intelligence he possesses and in what direction it will be projected.

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