Part 6

I can not bring into the compass of these pages all that followed in our talk, but I would like to give the points of truth to the young mothers for whom I write.

The answer to my young questioner is found in the fact that boys, as well as girls, have been left in ignorance of the principle, as it is in God, of which the kiss is one form of expression, and have been left to catch up its perversion as Satan has undertaken to work it into custom and habit, in the world. Anything which Satan can not wholly spoil, he will counterfeit; or, better yet for his purpose, make so common, if possible, that it shall become worthless, as was the case with silver in the days of Solomon, when it became as the stones of the street, and “was nothing accounted of.”

The kiss, made common, is ridiculous. To be worth anything, it must speak exclusively the language of a pure, changeless affection, such as is represented in the love of God for his children. It belongs more to the parent and child, brother and sister, than to friend and companion. It is, as before intimated, fraternal, not social. As soon as any attempt is made to drag it into society, it becomes disgusting, and is always soon driven out by storms of ridicule. Therefore good form has taken it in hand, and has determined its sphere and office with the most arbitrary insistence. And again the voice of society is but an echo of the voice of truth and purity. Good form has decreed that the kiss, public and indiscriminate, is either an indication of unmitigated rusticity, of shameless immorality, or is to be understood as a joke,—very funny on its first spontaneous utterance, but very flat if repeated. Indulged in private, outside the sacred boundaries of the family, between men and women, it is unpardonable,—unatonable, at least as far as the woman is concerned. Good form requires that every young lady shall be so well trained that she will keep her lips absolutely untouched for her husband, after the words have been spoken that make him her husband.

The “betrothal kiss” of the romancer has been brought under suspicion in real life by the fact that betrothal is, in our day, not by any means equivalent to marriage; and the young man who knows the world, and yet sufficiently regards truth and purity to seek them in a wife, would vastly prefer to find his lady friend rigidly determined to keep her lips to herself as long as they two are yet twain, rather than to find them always at even his command.

In the correspondence that has come to me as a result of “Studies in Home and Child Life,” is to be found pitiful evidence of the ignorance in which young people are allowed to grow up, even in a matter which may seem, like this one, trivial and bordering on the ridiculous.

The habit among children of kissing everybody is little short of vicious. Kissing games of every description are considered vulgar, anywhere outside the immediate family circle, and even then, because of the trend of habit, they are not good form.

There is great possibility of infection in the kiss. The remains of old teeth, the breath and lips of those who are in any wise diseased, make kissing dangerous. It is well-nigh impossible to find a clean, sweet mouth in these days of human degeneracy; and because of these facts the little children are exposed to every malignant disorder that is afloat, and many that are hidden deep in the foul cisterns of the broken-down body of grandparents, father, mother, and the strangers who straggle in and use their “rights” on the freely rendered lips of the little innocents.

The warnings of science, of which so many make light, are timely, and should be religiously regarded as the authority of God by every one who does not know within himself that he has so faithfully brought his whole being into conformity with every law of life and health that he is clean through and through, so that the sensitive lips of his babe can come to his with the same certainty of a blessing in the caress that the bee has when he goes to the white clover of the meadow.

He, and he only, who has brought himself fully into harmony with both the letter and the spirit of Isaiah fifty-eight may freely give his lips to his child, out of which to drink his fill of love. And the home that is brought into this beautiful accord with Christ may be as the garden of the Lord, from which all lips shall, with every caress, gather that word of life that is sweeter than honey.

The time is at hand when the truth must be taken into every lane and walk of life—into king’s palaces, into halls of learning, into banquet rooms, and into homes of refinement and culture, as well as to the haunts of poverty and crime; for the whole earth must be filled with the knowledge of the Lord. No soul must be left to arise in the second resurrection and say, I did not know the way of life, or I would not have been here. There are being prepared in all Christian homes those who shall become the messengers of this gospel of the kingdom to every rank, grade, and condition among men.

This is a consideration for every Christian mother and father. As among the children of Israel every maiden held in her heart the secret hope that she might be the mother of the promised seed of David, so now, however humble and far away from every center of influence your home may be, however meager its furnishing, however much you may seem to lack incentive to noble effort, there should be inspiration in the thought that the little child playing about your feet, whose life and habits you are molding, may be one who shall be called to bear the vessel of the Lord, which is his Word, filled with the holy oil of his Spirit, before some council of earth’s great men, and to answer for the principles by which the world is to receive its final test.

By this I do not mean that he may be called to suffer martyrdom,—although that is possible—but I refer to the fact that he may have the yet grander ministry of standing up to be quizzed and catechized by those learned in the wisdom of the world concerning all that he has been taught of Christian principle, health, disease, and life in the Holy Ghost.

Unquestionably, this work is waiting for some select few of our young people in the not far distant future. Some great council of physicians will wish to know all about what the medical missionary physicians teach, and why; the chemists of the world will wish to know the philosophy of the system of dietetics which will keep the temple of God in repair; and, as is almost always the case among the people of the world, there will be eating and drinking on a large scale connected with all these investigations; and your boy or girl may have to accept the place as guest of honor at some such feast, and carry himself elegantly, for Christ’s sake and the truth’s; for the banquet, the dinner, the lunch, play an important part in all social affairs to-day, and will until the end of probation.

If a man of means and social standing becomes interested enough in what you know of Christ to hear you out on it, he will make you a dinner, invite a few friends, and give you a chance to talk and tell all you know. And if you know how to take advantage of the opportunity—how to avoid giving offense by your manner of speech and habits of conduct; if you know how to charm and win by your personality, you have placed at the command of truth an instrument that can be made effective where, otherwise, no entrance could be gained.

Nowhere is the observance of good form more necessary to one who has work to do in the social world than at the table; for here bad habits may be given such disgusting publicity as to render them a cause of reproach to any good cause; and the obligation is upon every Christian home to see that its children are so instructed that they shall be ready to quickly fill any place to which the work may call, and to stand with dignity for the truth in any place that can be opened to its consideration.

A home of wealth and elaborate appliances is not necessary for such training. A child who is instructed in the proper use of the few simple things that constitute the furnishing of the most humble home, and in those rules of good form that ought to be the natural order in any place, will not be left to carry with him into some important convocation careless table habits, which, under the pressure of a sense of responsibility, would certainly come to the front, in place of the few better ways that he might have picked up and stored away for occasional and special use.

In “acting out just what is in him,” he will not bring himself and that which he represents into ridicule; the opportunity of giving the truth a chance to shine will not be lost, while honest souls are left in the dark; the breath of personal contempt will not obscure the character of Christ, which he is supposed to represent. He will be accepted, first, because it is agreeable to look at him; he will be heard because no good reason appears why he should not be; and after that, everything will depend on what he really is and has down under the surface, in the place where he lives alone with God.

“But,” you say, “the Lord, who calls a man to stand in any place, will prevent any disaster to the cause, provided his servant is honest.”

Yes, God will be able to use even his servants’ infirmities after he has “helped” them (Rom. 8:26); i. e., added to them his strength and wisdom. And this which we are considering is all in the nature of helps to infirmity and ignorance. It is in the direct line of legitimate education for the very best Christian service.

The honest-hearted laborer for God, who, with his heart full of love, starts out in his ignorance and awkwardness to “do something” for God and souls, will find “something” to do; but we are now considering a work which every man could not do, and yet which some one must do.

XI.

I must believe that the parents who fail, from carelessness or from “lack of ambition”—the holy sort, which is equivalent to consecration and diligence—to give the child the best possible preparation for a good work, will be held responsible for the failure that would have resulted if God had not stepped in with some special helps and prevented it.

Love for God will cover a multitude of social sins; but those who are responsible for the sins will sometime have their reproach to bear. God does not like to have to cover sins; he only does it so as to keep things looking as tidy as possible, until they can be put entirely out of the way. Covet the best gifts for your child, give him the best possible social habits, and then turn him over to God for work, and God will find rare service for him.

There are many teachings as to what constitutes good form at table. It would be impossible for the ordinary mortal so to acquaint himself with them as to become a “social success;” and this is far from our purpose. All we need care about is to see that the habits formed are free from anything offensive. Society is kind to one who is not ambitious for social distinction,—one who has something to say that is worth hearing, who represents a principle, or some new thing the discussion of which may possibly furnish an agreeable diversion,—very much after the manner of the Athenians in Paul’s time; so that even if one does not “know all the ropes,” like one “to the Manor born,” he will be received and heard, provided he does not blunder into the few things which good form has decreed that he must not do under any circumstances.

Among these prohibited things are thrusting out the elbows from the side so as to push his neighbor at table; resting the elbows on the table; and extending the legs under it so as to bring the feet in the way of those belonging to the guest opposite. If any guest does these things, he may be sure that there will be at least three people over whom the best and truest things that he can say will have very little influence.

The eyes of those who chance to glance his way will be seriously offended and quickly averted if he should take up even a half-slice of bread and bite into it. Good form says that bread must be broken off in small bits, just when needed, not spread, but with a small lump of butter placed upon it (provided one uses butter), conveyed to the mouth with the thumb and finger of the left hand. You will be permitted to bite the piece in two once if you wish, but no more; that is, it must not be more than two “mouthfuls” to begin with. Under no circumstances must anything, such as fruit-pits, etc., be ejected from the mouth into a spoon, fork, or plate, but taken from the lips with the left thumb and finger, and placed on the plate. Neither bread nor any refuse is ever to be placed on the cloth, but on the side-dishes provided; or, lacking these, on the one plate that is being used.

Food should not be conveyed to the mouth with a knife, but with a fork, always excepting soup, and such sauce as must be handled with a spoon.

Do teach your children not to thrust the point of the spoon into the mouth, but to take its contents with the lips from that part nearest the handle, without the least possible sound. Teach them not to lift the spoon so full that it will drip; and as your boy grows up into mustaches he will need to learn how to take soup and sauce without defiling those manly ornaments, or else to let soup alone at the banquet. But you can teach him from childhood to handle his napkin so deftly as to keep his lips clean, even after they have put on their thatch.