Part 7

When Father Thomas Conecte, who was afterwards burnt at Rome, preached in the great towns of Flanders and Artois, the churches were so filled that he used to be hoisted in the middle of the church by a cord, in order to be heard!

"ATTERBURY'S PAD."

During the debates on the Occasional Conformity and Schism Bills, in the House of Lords, in December 1718, these measures were very warmly opposed by Atterbury, Bishop of Rochester; who said "he had prophesied last winter that this bill would be attempted in the next session, and he was very sorry to find that he had turned out a true prophet." Lord Coningsby, who always spoke in a passion, rose immediately after Atterbury, and remarked that "one of the right reverends had set himself forth as a prophet; but, for his part, he did not know what prophet to liken him to, unless to that famous prophet Balaam, who was reproved by his own ass." The Bishop, in reply, with great calmness and wit met the attack of Lord Coningsby, thus concluding: "Since the noble Lord has discovered in our manners such a similitude, I am well content to be compared to the prophet Balaam; but, my Lords, I am at a loss to make out the other part of the parallel. I am sure that I have been reproved by nobody but his Lordship." From that day forward, Lord Coningsby was known by the sobriquet of "Atterbury's Pad."

THE FOOT-SCRAPERS REPROVED.

When a preacher was very obnoxious to the students at Cambridge, it was the custom for them to express disapprobation by scraping with their feet on the floor. A very eloquent but intriguing preacher, Dr. James Scott--known as a political partisan by the pamphleteer and newspaper signatures of "Anti-Sejanus" and "Old Slyboots"--being one day saluted thus, signified his intention to preach against the practice of scraping; and fulfilled his promise very shortly afterwards, taking for his text, "Keep thy foot when thou goest to the house of God, and be more ready to hear than to give the sacrifice of fools; for they consider not that they do evil." On the text being read out, the galleries became one scene of confusion and uproar; but Dr. Scott called to the proctors to preserve silence. This being effected, he delivered a discourse so eloquent, as to extort universal approbation, even from those at whom the text was aimed.

A PRESCRIPTION IN DISGUISE.

General D---- was more distinguished for gallantry in the field than for the care he lavished upon his person. Complaining, on a certain occasion, to Chief Justice Bushe, of Ireland, of the sufferings he endured from rheumatism, that learned and humorous judge undertook to prescribe a remedy. "You must desire your servant," he said to the General, "to place every morning by your bedside a tub three-parts filled with warm water. You will then get into the tub, and having previously provided yourself with a pound of yellow soap, you must rub your whole body with it, immersing yourself occasionally in the water, and at the end of a quarter of an hour, the process concludes by wiping yourself dry with towels, and scrubbing your person with a flesh-brush." "Why," said the General, after reflecting for a minute or two, "this seems to be neither more nor less than washing one's self." "Well, I must confess," rejoined the judge, "it is open to that objection."

HOW TO DRESS A CUCUMBER.

Dr. Glynn, of Cambridge, being one day in attendance on a lady, in the quality of her physician, took occasion to lecture her on the impropriety of eating cucumbers, of which she was immoderately fond; and gave her the following humorous receipt for dressing them: "Peel the cucumber with great care; then cut it into very thin slices; pepper and salt it well--and then throw it away."

GILPIN AND THE NORTHUMBRIAN BRAWLERS.

Bernard Gilpin, the great Northern apostle, did not confine his labours to the church of Houghton-le-Spring, of which he was minister; but at his own expense, and with great risk and hardship, visited the then desolate churches of Northumberland once every year, usually about Christmas, to preach the gospel. The Northumbrians about that time retained so much of the customs of our Saxon ancestors, as to decide every dispute by the sword; they even went beyond them, and, not content with a duel, each contending party used to muster what adherents he could, and began a kind of petty war, so that a private grudge would often occasion much bloodshed. In one of his annual tours, Mr. Gilpin found a quarrel of this kind raging at Rothbury. During the first two or three days of his preaching, the contending parties observed some decorum, and never came to church both at the same time. At last, however, they met; one party had come early, and just as Mr. Gilpin began the sermon the other entered. They did not stand long quiet, but, mutually enraged at the sight of each other, began to clash their arms. Awed, however, by the sacredness of the place, the tumult somewhat fell, and Mr. Gilpin could proceed with his sermon. In a short time, however, the combatants anew brandished their weapons, and approached each other. Mr. Gilpin now came down from the pulpit, went between the two parties, and, appealing to the chiefs, stayed the quarrel for the time, though he could not perfectly reconcile them. They promised that until the sermon was over there should be no further disturbance. Mr. Gilpin then remounted the pulpit, and devoted the rest of the time to endeavour to make the combatants ashamed of their behaviour; and his courage and earnestness so much affected them, that at his further entreaty they agreed to abstain from all acts of hostility while he continued in the country. Another time, when he entered the church, Mr. Gilpin saw a glove hanging up, and was told by the sexton that it was as a challenge to any one that should take it down. The sexton refusing to take it down, because he "dared not," Mr. Gilpin procured a long staff, took it down himself, and put it in his breast. When the congregation assembled, he went into the pulpit, and took occasion severely to rebuke these inhuman challenges, and especially this fashion of hanging up the glove in church. "I hear," said he, "that there is one among you who even in this sacred place hath hanged up a glove to this purpose, and threateneth to enter into combat with whosoever shall take it down. Behold, I have taken it down myself!" and, plucking the glove out of his breast, he held it up before them all, and again proceeded to condemn such barbarous fashions, and to commend the practice of love and charity. So much did his faithfulness win for him respect, and soften the stern mood of the country folk, that so often as he came into the parts where he had administered these rebukes, if any man was in fear of a deadly foe, he resorted usually where Mr. Gilpin was, supposing himself to be more safe in his company than under an armed guard.

MASSES TRANSFERRED.

Bernal Diaz relates, that while Cortes was absent on his expedition against Christoval d'Oli, his death was reported by men who assumed the government at Mexico; they ordered ceremonies and masses for his soul, and paid for them with his effects. When he returned in safety, Juan de Caceres, "the rich," bought all these acts of devotion for his own benefit--like some modern buyer of shares, expecting a regular entry of the transfer to be made in the books of the concern in which he invested.

PRECEPT AND EXAMPLE OF ABSTINENCE.

John Wesley having learned that a wealthy tradesman of his neighbourhood indulged to excess in the pleasures of the table, paid him a visit, and, discussing the subject with him, urged every argument and every passage of Scripture he could against the sin of gluttony. Observing the tradesman silent and thoughtful, Wesley flattered himself that he had gained his point and produced the desired reformation. The dinner cloth was by this time spread, and sumptuous elegance decorated the board. Mr. Wesley was asked to dine; and having consented, was thus addressed by his host: "Sir, your conversation has made such an impression on me, that henceforward I shall live only on bread and water; and to show you that I am in good earnest, I will begin immediately." The dinner was then ordered to be removed, and bread and water introduced; to the disappointment of the preacher, who, although an abstemious man, wished for something better than an anchorite's fare.

QUEEN ELIZABETH'S BLOOD JEWELS.

In the Parliamentary History, under date of 1601, the Lord Keeper is reported to say: "I have seen her Majesty wear at her girdle the price of her blood; I mean, jewels which have been given to her physicians to have done that unto her which I hope God will ever keep from her. But she hath rather worn them in triumph, than for the price, which hath not been greatly valuable."

THE POWER OF TAR-WATER.

Doctor Hill, a notorious wit, physician, and man of letters, having quarrelled with the members of the Royal Society, who had refused to admit him as an associate, resolved to avenge himself. At the time that Bishop Berkeley had issued his work on the marvellous virtues of tar-water, Hill addressed to their secretary a letter, purporting to be from a country surgeon, and reciting the particulars of a cure which he had effected. "A sailor," he wrote, "broke his leg, and applied to me for help. I bound together the broken portions, and washed them with the celebrated tar-water. Almost immediately the sailor felt the beneficial effects of this remedy, and it was not long before his leg was completely healed!" The letter was read and discussed at the meetings of the Royal Society, and caused considerable difference of opinion. Papers were written for and against the tar-water and the restored leg, when a second letter arrived from the (pretended) country practitioner: "In my last I omitted to mention that the broken limb of the sailor was a wooden leg!"

THE CURATE AND THE DUKE.

The Duke of Grafton, when hunting, was thrown into a ditch; at the same time a young curate, calling out, "Lie still, your Grace," leaped over him, and pursued his sport. On being assisted to remount by his attendants, the duke said, "That young man shall have the first good living that falls to my disposal; had he stopped to have taken care of me, I never would have patronised him"--being delighted with an ardour similar to his own, and with a spirit that would not stoop to flatter.

A LOYAL AND FATAL PRAYER.

It is related by Thoresby that Mr. John Jackson, a good old Puritan, and a member of the Assembly of Divines at Westminster, "was yet so zealously affected for King Charles I., when he heard of his being brought before a pretended high court of justice, that he prayed earnestly that God would please to prevent that horrid act, which would be a perpetual shame to the nation, and a reproach to the Protestant religion; or, at least, would be pleased to remove him, that he might not see the woful day. His prayer was heard and answered as to himself, for he was buried the week before" the execution of Charles took place.

FLAVEL'S "DAY OF HEAVEN."

This distinguished Nonconformist divine, who lived about the end of the seventeenth century, in his Treatise on the Soul of Man relates of himself--so at least it is understood, though he speaks in the third person--that for a day he was wrapt in such intimate spiritual communion with heaven, as exhausted the powers of physical nature, and for a time appeared to leave him on the brink of the grave. This singular season of trance he used to style "one of the days of heaven;" and he affirmed, that in that time there came to him more insight into the heavenly life, than he had all his days gained from books or sermons.

"Being on a journey, he set himself to improve his time by meditation; when his mind grew intent, till at length he had such ravishing tastes of heavenly joys, and such full assurance of his interest therein, that he utterly lost the sight and sense of this world and all its concerns, so that for hours he knew not where he was. At last, perceiving himself faint through a great loss of blood from his nose, he alighted from his horse, and sat down at a spring, where he washed and refreshed himself, earnestly desiring, if it were the will of God, that he might then leave the world. His spirits reviving, he finished his journey in the same delightful frame. He passed all that night without a wink of sleep, the joy of the Lord still overflowing him, so that he seemed an inhabitant of the other world." It was taken by his religious friends as a special promise of heavenly favour, that at the birth of Flavel a pair of nightingales made their nest close to the chamber of his mother, and welcomed him into the world with their delightful warble.

A ROYAL MEDICINE.

Even so late as the days of Queen Elizabeth, ignorance and superstition continued prime regulating powers in the practice of physic; accomplished as some of the physicians of the day were, it was, as Lord Bacon has affirmed, in every department excepting those that immediately touched their own profession. Sir William Bulleyn was not one of the least prominent and enlightened; but some of the prescriptions which he has left on record, attest a very deplorable state of things, existing little more than half a century before Harvey achieved his great discovery. Take for example this recipe for an