Part 3

As soon as you begin to bear your share in the expenses of home, you will naturally look to have your word in the arrangements thereof. From the time that you begin to earn your own living, until the time that you make a home for yourself, there will be certain home duties which you have no right to neglect.

First of all, you must be ready to bear your fair share in the expenses of the home. When first you go to work, you will probably be expected to bring home all your money, and have a certain sum given to you for pocket money. As you grow older, you will agree to pay a certain sum for your board and lodging, and keep the rest for yourself. Let your payments be such as will do a little more than actually cover the expense of what you have. Give a thought to the general comfort of the home, and in time of need when perhaps your father's work is slack, be ready to increase your help, even though it may decrease your own personal comfort.

Secondly, you must acknowledge the authority of the head of the house, and respect his wishes as to home arrangements, time for being in at night, &c.

Thirdly. Recognise your responsibilities to your brothers and sisters. If you are the eldest son you are bound to be the example, and if need be the protector of the others, and whether elder or not you have still your duties and responsibilities. A good brother is a great help to a sister, and her brother's good opinion will be something which she will be very sorry to forfeit through any fault of hers. For your sisters' sake specially you are bound to be careful that your companions whom you may bring home with you should not be such as would not be fit company for them. Your duties to your parents I have already mentioned, and the older you grow the more thoroughly you should carry them out, so that, as you grow out of mere boyhood, you may become more and more the companion and friend of your father, and more and more the comfort and support of your mother. It is a great thing in time of trouble to have one son to whom they can look without fear of his help failing them. It is far too common to see young fellows, so soon as they can earn enough to support themselves, leaving home and going into lodgings because they are freer and more comfortable, and leaving their parents to struggle on with the youngsters. It is a selfish and ungrateful course, and therefore sure to be without a blessing from God. I am talking now of those whose work keeps them near home, and who only leave their home to escape its duties, or as they would miscall them, its burdens. Many, of course, must leave home. If work calls you elsewhere it is another matter. It would be a very good thing in many instances if young fellows would have the pluck to emigrate and make their way in a new country. Englishmen are getting too fond of stopping at home where the labour markets are overstocked. Emigration is one of the best openings for a young fellow if he makes up his mind to work, and does not expect a fortune to fall into his lap because he has gone to a new country to seek it.

SELF-IMPROVEMENT.

Boys generally leave school at about thirteen years of age, but they make a very great mistake if they leave off learning at that age. Time might be roughly divided off into four parts--necessary work, work for others, self-improvement, and recreation. A man's education is never completed. A man is never too old to learn. Whilst you are a boy and lad you need to be taught; afterwards you can to a great extent learn for yourself. You should never be content to remain just where you are, you should endeavour to make the most of your opportunities, and to advance in knowledge and capability. You are taught in your catechism to "do your duty in that state of life unto which it shall please God to call you." This does not mean that you are not to try and better your position. Quite the contrary; it means that while you are to go on contentedly in the station and work which God has allotted to you, you are also to try and use to the utmost all the opportunities and powers which he has given. He has called you to your present position, He may be calling you to something more. If he has given you the power and opportunity of raising yourself, he meant you to use them. It is a false humility and a false view of religion that encourages sloth under the pretence of being contented with one's humble lot. There is God's work--real every day work to be done in worldly as well as in what seems to be more directly spiritual work. One's whole interest is not to be centred on earthly things, neither are we to be so heavenly minded as to neglect earthly duties, and the talents which God has committed to our trust. It is your duty then to do your utmost to improve your stock of knowledge. School has laid the foundation, and you must work at the building. Your own particular tastes or your work will suggest the subjects to which you should first turn your attention. Develop the natural powers you have, and advance steadily from one subject to another. Set apart a certain portion of your spare time for study and self-improvement. Remember also that you have certain duties to your neighbours and your country, and that in order to fulfil them you must understand your position as a man and a citizen. Read the history both of your own country and of other lands. Read your paper. Study the questions of the day, both at home and abroad, and learn to form your own opinion concerning them. Learn to think for yourself, and not take as gospel all that you read in your favourite paper. Look at both sides of a question and make up your own mind. Comparatively few people think for themselves, and for that reason men are so often carried away by popular leaders, and obstinately follow opinions, the truth of which they have never tested, and the consequences of which they have never considered. There are many opportunities in classes and lectures for men to gain information, but they will be of little real use unless men will think for themselves, and work out the subjects instead of taking their opinions ready made. Study, not simply listen. Study both secular and religious subjects. You may be sure that there can be no advance in real self-improvement unless it is well balanced. Religious knowledge should go hand in hand with secular knowledge. Christ should be our great example in this as in all else, and He "increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and men."

CHUMS.

Birds of a feather flock together. A man is known by his friends. It is of great importance therefore that your friends should be such as will show that you yourself are of the right sort. A boy, unless he is a particularly disagreeable one, will probably have a fair number of friends, that is to say, of fellows that he knows and associates with, but above and beyond these he will probably have some one particular chum, one who shares in all his plans, one with whom to talk over all his schemes, one often with whom to join in some piece of mischief. Chums to do one another much good should be about the same age. There may be a friendship between an elder and a younger boy, or between a boy and a man, but they will not be exactly chums. A friendship of this sort is very useful if the elder is one who will lead aright, but if the elder is the weaker of the two, or still more if the elder is viciously inclined, such an acquaintance is one of the worst possible things for a lad. A young boy, hanging on to an elder one, learning all his bad habits, is only too likely to prove an apt pupil, and come utterly to grief. Remember no one is worthy of the name of friend who would ever counsel you to do anything wrong, or who would not give you a word in season when he found you were going on a wrong tack. A chum of one's own age is quite a different article. Very often they are not lads of the same dispositions and tastes, and are drawn to one another by these very differences. It not unfrequently happens that a bright active lad will chum with a very quiet meditative one. The one doing the thinking and the other the acting. Such friendships will last on sometimes through life, but generally well through boyhood. Very often the last act of chumship is the acting as best man at the friend's wedding. Such friendships will work great good so long as they are on the give and take principle, and that nothing is given or taken of the bad qualities which may be in each. A boy without a chum is very likely to grow either conceited or selfish, or both. A good-natured chum is a very useful check. He does not mind chaffing him out of any little absurdities, and rubbing against one another they manage to knock off many odd corners and polish up one another. Any chumship in evil is to be avoided. If a chum, however much he may be liked, wants you to go in for a partnership in evil he must be given up. I don't say that you can give up caring for him, but he must be made to see clearly that he must make his choice between the evil doing and you--that he cannot be chums with both. Chums should have strict honour between themselves, and always be ready to stand up for one another. A good chum prevents one becoming a prig, and there is nothing short of actual vice which is so hateful in a boy as priggishness. There is as much difference between a prig and a right- minded boy as between chalk and cheese. A right-minded boy goes on his way trying to do right and live honestly and purely, because it is right and honourable, and because deep in his own heart he knows he has promised Jesus Christ that he will live a godly life. A prig is also doing right and living purely and honestly, but is all the time trying to make other people see it, and not doing it simply because it is right. Hence he has not half the strength when real temptation comes, because he has always been looking at the outside effect of his life, instead of looking inward, to see if he is true to his promise. Avoid priggishness, but do not be afraid of being called a prig when it is only the taunt by which someone hopes to shame you into doing that which you know in your heart is wrong.

COURTSHIP.

There comes a time when a young man begins seriously to look forward to settling in life and having a home of his own. As a boy he may have had his likings among the girl companions with whom he was acquainted, but now it becomes a totally different question, and his intercourse with young women assumes the position of courtship.

It is only natural and right that man should look where God intended him to look for a help-meet and companion, but all depends upon the way in which he does it. There is no need to be in a hurry. Better to wait and make quite sure. As a general rule I should say that twenty-five was quite young enough for a man to marry, but still that must entirely depend upon circumstances.

Before I venture to suggest a few thoughts concerning courtship and the choice of a wife, I should like to make a few remarks upon the manner in which women ought to be treated by men. It is too much the custom for men to look upon women as beings the object of whose creation was to be pleasant companions for them before marriage and useful servants after marriage. Hence there is a very great want of respect and honourable treatment. A young fellow, before he steadies down as the expression is, does not think there is anything mean or dishonourable in his leading a girl on, and without any intention of ruining her, allowing her to lower herself by her conversation and manners. He does not consider the harm that he is doing to the girl, how it may be the first step to ruin. He means no harm, only just amusing himself with her. Is it not mean, however, simply for his own pleasure to treat a woman as if she were merely a plaything, instead of a being as valuable in God's sight as himself, and equally with him an object of God's love and care. No words suffice to denounce the wickedness and meanness of the coward, who, taking advantage of a girl's real though misguided love for him, will seduce her into sin and then leave her to bear the punishment and disgrace. No words can describe the heartless wickedness which will rob a woman of that which is her greatest treasure and ornament, and bring upon her a sorrow which the grave alone can end. He may escape punishment here. He may even gain a sort of reputation as one who can always gain the attention of women, but he will only receive the greater punishment from the judge and avenger of all. One word more before I close these remarks, which I would have gladly omitted from these papers, but truth demands them.

Some men seem to think that the sin and responsibility is very slight if it be committed with a woman who trades upon her sin. Undoubtedly it is not so cowardly as the ruin of a pure and innocent woman, but who can tell that you may not have met with that woman at the turning point in her life, when but for you she might have repented? and at the very least you have added to the weight of her sin. Once she had been pure, God alone knows her history, but who of the many who have taken advantage of her misery and helped to chain her to her life of sin will be held guiltless by Him? Great, fearful is her guilt, but God alone knows how she may long to be free. Far greater is their guilt who for their own selfish enjoyment do not hesitate to plunge deeper into ruin a soul for whom Christ died. If men treated all women honourably--all, not simply their relations and friends,--there would not be those who make their living by sin. Such a state of things it may be hopeless to expect, so long as cowards are to be found amongst men, but it is not too much to expect from honourable men and Christians that they should treat all women with such respect, that, as far as lies in their power, the stigma of meanness and cowardice should not rest upon the men of this land. Treat them with respect, not only in your intercourse with them, but in your conversation about them, and your thoughts concerning them.

But to turn to a pleasanter subject, the honourable courtship of man and maiden. Certain things should be taken into consideration in making your choice. First, that the object of your choice should be one whom you can thoroughly love and entirely trust. Secondly, that she should be one whom you feel would be a real help in life. Thirdly, that she should be of the same religion as yourself (otherwise difficulties in after life are sure to arise) and a really religious woman. And Fourthly, that she should be not merely, or even necessarily, a bright and pretty companion, but should have such qualities as are necessary for a good wife and mother--one who can manage a home as well as help to pass an hour or so pleasantly.

Your courtship should be thoroughly open and above-board. The parents consent should first be obtained, and remember that you are bound to respect their wishes. Be careful also that she shall never in any way be compromised by your conduct. I say no more because I have assumed at the beginning that your courtship is honourable, that you love the girl of your choice, and that as you would shield her from all injury from others, so she will be safe under your protection. Take no ordinary standard as the rule of your courtship, but determine from the very beginning that it shall be so conducted, that when as man and wife you look back upon it, it may be with feelings free from any taint of sorrow or shame; that when you stand before God to be married it may be as honest man and maiden, seeking for God's full blessing upon your married life, as it has rested upon your unmarried days. One thing I would say in conclusion, and I mention it last as being the most important, let your choice of a wife be a subject of earnest prayer to God, and when your choice has been made, and your love pledged one to another, let it be a subject of mutual prayer that each may help the other to live to the glory of God, in the station of life in which he sees fit to place you.

HUSBANDS.

The headship of a family carries with it heavy responsibilities. We may shrink from them and avoid them, but still they remain. A good husband and a good father makes a happy home and honest children. Drunkenness is too often the destruction of home. If the head of the family can rule himself in this as in other matters then he may reasonably hope for a happy and comfortable home, but if drink is allowed to take the place of wife or children, drink will rule the household and swallow up its peace and prosperity. Nevertheless, drunkenness is not by any means the only fault or indeed the beginning of the break up of a home. It is very often the result of a home made miserable by other and easily avoided faults. Many I suppose start their married life with the full intention of realising their ideas of a happy home. The picture is very pleasant, the reality is too often quite the reverse. Why? Very often because of a want of mutual forbearance. It takes some little time really to know one another, and unless there is a spirit of mutual forbearance the little differences will become great quarrels. The husband is to rule, but he is not to be a tyrant. The wife is not bound to give a blind obedience to all his commands, and the husband is bound to respect his wife's wishes. It ought to be a rule that in matters of importance, where either feels it to be a question of duty, that if they cannot agree neither should endeavour to force the other to act against their conscience.

My first piece of practical advice to husbands would be to have a proper understanding about money matters, and to be liberal therein. Give your wife a regular sum per week, and let it be clearly arranged what expenses she is responsible for.

Secondly, do not have any friends that you cannot or do not care to bring to your home, and let no one come between you and your wife, or draw you away to enjoy yourself apart from her.

Thirdly, do your church-going together as far as you can, and when that is impossible arrange one with the other, so that each may be able to go at some time every Sunday. Above all keep one another up to your regular Communions, for there is little blessing on the married union that is not blessed with a higher communion.

Fourthly. When you have children train them yourself, specially the boys, who will gain far more good from father than from anyone else. It is too much the custom to leave all the religious training to mother or to school. Take your children to Church with you instead of seeing that they are sent. Come is a much better word of instruction than go.

A few words in conclusion as to the general duties of a man, be he married or single. You have no right to shirk your duties as a man to your home, as a Christian to your Church, or as a citizen to your country. The support and training of your family is your first duty, and nothing may rightly come in the way of that, but the fulfilling of that need not prevent your carrying out your other duties. You are a Christian, you receive spiritual benefits from your connection with the Church, you are bound then to make some return. Your prayers, your alms, and your active work, according to your means and opportunities, ought to be available for the work of the Church. There ought not to be any drones in the Church's hive, but each member should bear his share of the burdens, as well as partake of the blessings. There is work for everyone that is ready to help.

You have still your duty to your country. Your own personal influence may not be great, but you are nevertheless bound to use it on the side which you believe to be right. Public opinion is made up by the agreement of many, and the course of the nation is guided eventually by the votes of the people. You have your share in the responsibility of all that is done, and are therefore bound to endeavour to understand the questions of the day, and to act upon the conclusions you may form. No man has a right to shirk any of the responsibilities of his position, and a true man will endeavour to serve God and his fellow-men to the best of his ability--to do as much good as he can in the little time allotted to him, and to leave the reward of his labours in the hands of Him for whose sake and after whose example he has endeavoured to spend his life.