Part 3

("My wife is against suffrage, and that settles me."--Vice-President Marshall.)

My wife dislikes the income tax, And so I cannot pay it; She thinks that golf all interest lacks, So now I never play it; She is opposed to tolls repeal (Though why I cannot say), But woman's duty is to feel, And man's is to obey.

I'm in a hard position for a perfect gentleman, I want to please the ladies, but I don't see how I can, My present wife's a suffragist, and counts on my support, But my mother is an anti, of a rather biting sort; One grandmother is on the fence, the other much opposed, And my sister lives in Oregon, and thinks the question's closed; Each one is counting on my vote to represent her view. Now what should you think proper for a gentleman to do?

Sonnet

("Three bills known as the Thompson-Bewley cannery bills have been advanced to third reading in the Senate and Assembly at Albany. One permits the canners to work their employés seven days a week, a second allows them to work women after 9 p.m. and a third removes every restriction upon the hours of labor of women and minors."--Zenas L. Potter, former chief cannery investigator for New York State Factory Investigating Commission.)

Let us not to an unrestricted day Impediments admit. Work is not work To our employés, but a merry play; They do not ask the law's excuse to shirk. Ah, no, the canning season is at hand, When summer scents are on the air distilled, When golden fruits are ripening in the land, And silvery tins are gaping to be filled. Now to the cannery with jocund mien Before the dawn come women, girls and boys, Whose weekly hours (a hundred and nineteen) Seem all too short for their industrious joys. If this be error and be proved, alas The Thompson-Bewley bills may fail to pass!

To President Wilson

("I hold it as a fundamental principle and so do you, that every people has the right to determine its own form of government. And until recently 50 per cent. of the people of Mexico have not had a look-in in determining who should be their governors, or what their government should be."--Speech of President Wilson.)

Wise and just man--for such I think you are-- How can you see so burningly and clear Injustices and tyrannies afar, Yet blind your eyes to one that lies so near? How can you plead so earnestly for men Who fight their own fight with a bloody hand; How hold their cause so wildly dear, and then Forget the women of your native land? With your stern ardor and your scholar's word You speak to us of human liberty; Can you believe that women are not stirred By this same human longing to be free? He who for liberty would strike a blow Need not take arms, or fly to Mexico.

Home and Where It Is

(An Indiana judge has recently ruled: As to the right of the husband to decide the location of the home that "home is where the husband is.")

Home is where the husband is, Be it near or be it far, Office, theatre, Pullman car, Poolroom, polls, or corner bar-- All good wives remember this-- Home is where the husband is.

Woman's place is home, I wis. Leave your family bacon frying, Leave your wash and dishes drying, Leave your little children crying; Join your husband, near or far, At the club or corner bar, For the court has taught us this: "Home is where the husband is."

The Maiden's Vow

(A speaker at the National Education Association advised girls not to study algebra. Many girls, he said, had lost their souls through this study. The idea has been taken up with enthusiasm.)

I will avoid equations, And shun the naughty surd, I must beware the perfect square, Through it young girls have erred: And when men mention Rule of Three Pretend I have not heard.

Through Sturm's delightful theorems Illicit joys assure, Though permutations and combinations My woman's heart allure, I'll never study algebra, But keep my spirit pure.

Such Nonsense

("Where on earth did the idea come from that the ballot is a boon, a privilege and an honor? From men."--Mrs. Prestonia Mann Martin.)

Who is it thinks the vote some use? Man. (Man is often such a goose!) Indeed it makes me laugh to see How men have struggled to be free.

Poor Washington, who meant so well, And Nathan Hale and William Tell, Hampden and Bolivar and Pym, And L'Ouverture--remember him?

And Garibaldi and Kossuth, And some who threw away their youth, All bitten by the stupid notion That liberty was worth emotion.

They could not get it through their heads That if they stayed tucked up in beds, Avoiding politics and strife, They'd lead a pleasant, peaceful life.

Let us, dear sisters, never make Such a ridiculous mistake; But teach our children o'er and o'er That liberty is just a chore.

A Suggested Campaign Song

("No brass bands. No speeches. Instead a still, silent, effective influence."--Anti-suffrage speech.)

We are waging--can you doubt it? A campaign so calm and still No one knows a thing about it, And we hope they never will. No one knows What we oppose, And we hope they never will.

We are ladylike and quiet, Here a whisper--there a hint; Never speeches, bands or riot, Nothing suitable for print. No one knows What we oppose, For we never speak for print.