Part 4

Now, let us speake of those things which (without any hurt or anoyaunce to the senses) offende the minds of most men, before whome they be doone. You shall understand, that The appetites of men, (throughe a naturall instinct and inclination) be verie strange and divers: Some be cholerike & hasty, & may not be satisfied with out revenge: other doe give them selves cleane over, to pamper the belly: this man sets his delighte in lust and sensualitie: that man is carried away with his covetous desires: and many suche appetites more there are, to which mans minde is too subject: but you shall not in any company, easily judge or discerne betweene them, where and in what, they bee moste affected. For, these matters doe not consist in the maners, the fashions and speache of men: but rest in some other point. They seeke to purchase y^t which the benefit of mutuall conferrence may yeald them, & that doe (as I weene) good will, honour, comforte and pleasure, or some other thing like unto these: & therfore we must neither say or doe the thing, that may give any signe of litle loving or esteming them, we live withall.

So that, it is a rude fashion, (in my conceipte) y^t som men use, to lie lolling a sleepe in that place, where honest men be met together, of purpose to talke. For his so doing, shewes that he doth not esteeme the company, and little rekoneth of them or their talke. And more then that, he that sleepeth (and specially lying at litle ease, as he must) wonts (for the moste parte) to doe some fowle thing, to beholde, or heare: and many times they awake sweating and driveling at the mouth. And in like maner, to rise up where other men doe sit and talke, and to walke up and downe the chamber, it is no point of good maner. Also there be some that so buskell them selves, reache, streatch and yawne, writhing now one side, and then another, that a man would weene, they had some fever uppon them: A manifest signe, that the company they keepe, doth weary them.

Likewise doe they very ill, y^t now & then pull out a letter out of their pocket, to reade it: as if they had greate matters of charge, and affaires of the common weale committed unto them. But they are much more to bee blamed, that pull out their knives or their scisers, and doe nothing els but pare their nailes, as if they made no account at all of the company, and would seeke some other solace to passe the time awaye. Theis fashions to, must be left, y^t some men use, to sing betwene the teeth, or playe the dromme with their fingers, or shoofle their feete: For these demeanours shewe that a body is carelesse of any man ells.

Besides, let not a man so sit that he turne his taile to him that sitteth next to him: nor lie tottering with one legg so high above the other, that a man may see all bare that his cloathes would cover. For such parts be never playde, but amongst those to whome a man needs use no reverence. It is very true, that if a gentleman should use these fashions before his servants, or in the presence of some friende of meaner condition then him selfe: it would betoken no pride, but a love and familiaritie.

Let a man stand uppright of him selfe, and not leane or loll uppon another mans shoulder: and when he talketh, let him not pounche his fellow with his elbowe, (as many be wont to doe) at every worde they speake, saying: "Did I not say true Sirra. Master. N. It is Master. H." And still they be jotting with their elbowe.

I would have every man well appareled, meete for his age and calling: for otherwise, they seeme to have men in contempt that be better attired then themselves.

And therefore the Citizens of Padua, were woont to take it done of spighte unto them, when any gentleman of Venice walked up & downe their citie in his coate, as though he thought him selfe in the countrey. And a mans apparell, would not be made of fine cloathe alone: but he must frame it, all that he may, to the fashions that other men weare, and suffer him selfe to bee lead by common use: although (perchaunce) it be, and seeme to be lesse commodious, lesse gallant, and lesse faire in shewe, then his oulde.

And if all men els, doe weare their heads powled: it shalbe an ill sight for thee alone, to weare a longe bushe of haire. And where other men, make muche of their beardes and weare them longe: thou shalt not doe well to cut thine of, or shave it. For that weare to be overthwarte in everything: which thou must (in any case) beware of, except necessitie require it, as thou shalt heare hereafter. For this singularitie, beyond all other ill customes, makes us generally spited of all men. Thou must not then go against common custome in these things, but use them measureably: that thou maist not bee an odd man alone in a countrey: that shall weare a long Gowne downe to the foote, where other men weare them very shorte, litle beneath the waste. For as it hapens to him, that hath a very crabbed ilfavoured face, (I meane suche, as is more harde and sower then most mennes be, for nature doth mostly shape them well in moste men) that men will wonder and (with a kinde of admiration) gape most uppon him: So fares it with them that attire them selves, not as most men doe: but as they are egged by their owne fantasticall heads, with long heare spred downe to their shoulders, their beardes short and shaven, and weare quaiues or greate cappes after y^e Flaundres fashion: that all men doe gaze uppon them, as wondering at suche, whome they weene have taken uppon them, to conquer all countries wheresoever they come. Let your apparell then, be very well made, and fit for your body: for they that weare rich and coastly garments, but so illfavouredly shaped, that a man would weene the measure had bin taken by another: geve us to judge one of these twaine, that either they have no regarde or consideration how to please or displease: or els have no skill to judge of measure or grace, or what doth become them.

Such maner of people, with their rude behaviours and fashions, make men with whome they live, suspect, they doe esteeme them but light. And that causeth them worse welcome whersoever they com and ill beloved amongest men.

But there be some besides these, that deserve more then bare suspicion: their deeds and their doings be so intollerable, that a man cannot abide to live amongest them by any meanes. For they be ever a let, a hurt and a trouble to all the companie, they be never redie: ever a trimming: never well dressed to their mindes. But when men be readie to sit downe to the table, the meate at the boorde, and their handes washed: then they must write or make water, or have their exercise to doe: saying, "It is too early: we might have taried a while: what haste is this, this morning?" And thus they disquiet all the company, as men, caring for them selves alone & their owne matters, without consideration in the worlde of other men. Besides this, they will in all things be preferred above others: they must have the best bed, and best chamber: they must take uppon them the highest place at the table, and be first set and served of all men. And they be so deintie and nice, that nothing pleaseth them, but what they them selves devise: they make a sower face at any thing ells. And they be so proude minded, that they looke that men should waite uppon them when they dine, ride, sporte, or solace them selves.

There be other so furious, testie & waywarde, that nothing you doe can please them: and what soever is said they aunswer in choler, and never leave brauling w^t their servants, and rayling at them, and continually disturbe the company with their unquietnes: using such speeches: "Thou cauledst me well up this morning. Looke heere how cleane thou hast made these pynsons. Thou beaste, thou diddest waite well uppon me to Churche. It were a good deede to breake thy head." These be unsemely and very fowle fashions: suche as every honest man will hate to death. For, albeit a mans minde were full fraught with all humilitie, and would use these maners, not uppon pride or disdaine, but uppon a rechelesse care, not heeding his doings, or elles by meanes of ill custome: yet notwithstanding, because his outward doings, woulde make men thinke him proude: it cannot be chosen, but all men woulde hate him for it. For, Pride is none other thinge, then to despise and disdaine another. And as I have saide from the beginning: Eache man desireth to bee well thought of, Albeit there bee no valoure or goodnes in him.

It is not long, since there was in Rome a worthy gentleman, of singular good witt and profound learning, whose name was Ubaldino Bandinelli. This gentleman was woont to say, that as ofte as hee went or came from the Courte, although the stretes weare ever full of gallant Courtiers, of Prelates and Noble men, and likewise of poore men, and people of meane and base condition: yet he thought he never encountred any, that was either better or worse then himselfe. And without doubte hee could meete with fewe, that might bee compared in goodnes to him: respecting his vertues, that did excel beyond measure. But we must not alwayes in these things measure men by y^e Elne: We must rather waye them in the millers scoles, then in the goldsmythes balaunce. And it is a courtious parte, redily to receave them in to favour: not bycause they bee woorthe it: but as men doe with coines, bycause they be currant.

To go further, wee must doe nothing in their sight whome wee desire to please, that may shewe wee covet, rather to rule and to reigne, then to live in a familiar equalitie amongest them. For hautines of harte and ambitious disposition, as it kindleth an ill opinion: so it ministreth muche cause of contempte, which in conclusion will so woorke against thee, y^t thou shalt bee cleane cast out of honest company. But our dooings must rather beare a signe and shewe of reverence, meekenes, & respect to y^e company, in which wee fellowship ourselves. So that, what so ever is doone in meete and convenient time, may hapely deserve no blame: but yet in respect of the place and the persone, it may be reproved well: althoughe for it self, y^e matter deserve no rebuke. As to brawle and to raile at your servaunts (which we have talked of before) but muche more to beate them. Because these partes, are asmuche as to reigne and to rule: which no honest and civil gentleman will use, in presence of them he doth respect with any reverence or courtesie. Besides this, the company is muche offended with it, and their meetinges are broken, and especially, if it be done at the table, which is a place of solace and mirthe, and not of brawle and scolding. So that I must nedes commend Currado Gianfigliazzi for his civil behaviour in y^t he multiplied no words with Chichibio to trouble his guests: albeit he deserved to be sharply punished for it, when he would sooner displease his master then Brunetta. And yet if Currado had made lesse adoe about it then he did: it had ben more his praise. For then he should never have neded, to call uppon God, to witnes his threatnings so muche as he did.

But to returne to our matter: it is not good for a man to chide at the table for any cause. And if thou be angrie, shew it not, nor make no signe of thy greefe, for the reason I have tolde thee, and specially if thou have straungers with thee: because thou haste called them to be merry, and this wil make them sad. For, as the sharpe and tarte things y^t other men doe feede uppon in thy sight, doe set thy teeth likewise on edge: so to see other men vexed and out of quiet, it maketh us unquiet too. I call them Fromward people, which will in allthings be overtwhart to other men: as the very worde it selfe doth shewe. For, Frome-warde, signifieth asmuche, as Shorne against the wooll. Now, how fit a thinge this frowardnes is, to win the good will of men, and cause men to wishe well unto them: that you your self may easily Judge, in that it consisteth in overtwharting other mens desiers: which qualitie never mainteineth friendship, but maketh friends become foes. And therfor let them that desire to be well thought of and welcome amongst men, endevour them selves to shunne this fault: For it breedes no good liking nor love, but hatred and hurt. I would councell you rather to measure your pleasures by other mens willes: where there shal come no hurt nor shame of it: and therin alwayes to doe & to saye, more to please other mens mindes and fansies, then your owne.

Againe, you must be neither clownishe nor lumpishe: but pleasaunt and familiar. For there should bee no oddes, betweene the Mystell and the Pungitopo: but that the one is wilde: the other growes in gardens. And you must understand, that he is pleasaunt and courteous: whose manners bee suche in his common behaviour, as practise to keepe, and maintaine him friendeship amongst them: where hee that is solleyne and waywarde, makes him selfe a straunger whersoever hee comes: a straunger, I meane, asmuch as a forreigne or alienborne: where contrariwise, he that is familiar & gentle, in what place so ever he comes: is taken for a familiar and friend with all men. So that it shalbe necessarie for a man, to use him selfe to salute, to speake, and to answer after a gentle sorte, and to behave him selfe w^t all men so: as if hee were their countryman borne, & of their olde acquaintance. Which some can ill skill to doe, that never give a man a good countenaunce: easily say, No, to all things: never take in good worthe, the honour and courtesie that men doe unto them (like to the people I spake of before, rude and barbarous): never take delight in any pleasaunt conceites or other pleasures: but ever refuse it all, what soever is presented or offered unto them. If a man say: "Sir, suche a one willed me to commend him unto you:" They aunswere straite: "what have I too doe with his greetings?" And if a man say: "Sir, suche a one your friend, asked me how you did." They aunswer againe in choler: "Let him come feele my pulse." These carterlike and clownishe aunswers and maners, and the men them selves that doe use them: would bee chased and hunted away, out of all good and honest company.

It ill becomes a man when hee is in company, to bee sad, musing, and full of contemplation. And albeit, it may bee suffered perchaunce in them that have long beaten their braines in these Mathematicall studies: which are called (as I take it) the Liberall Artes: yet without doubte it may not be borne in other men. For, even these studious fellowes, at suche time, when they be so ful of their Muses: should be much wiser to get them selves alone.

Againe, to bee to nice or to deintie: it may not be abiden, and specially in men. For, to live with suche kinde of people: is rather a slaverie then pleasure. And sure there bee som such, so softe & tender: y^t to live and deale with such people, it is as daungerous: as to medle with the finest and brittelest glasse that may be: So muche they are affraide of every light touche. And they wilbe as testy and frowarde, if you doe not quickly and readily salute them, visite them, worship them, and make them answer: as some other body would be, for the greatest injurie y^t can be donne unto them. And if you doe not give them all the due reverence that may be: they will presently take a thousand occasions to quarell and fall out with you. If you chaunce to Master him, and leave out his title of Honour or worship: he takes that in dougeon, and thinkes you doe mock him. And if you set him beneath as good a man as him self at the table: that is against his honour. If you doe not visite him at home at his house: then you knowe not your dutie. Theis maner of fashions and behaviours, bring men to such scorne and disdaine of their doings: that there is no man, almost, can abide to beholde them: for they love them selves to farre beyonde measure, and busie them selves so much in that, that they finde litle leisure to bethinke them selves to love any other: which (as I have saide from the beginning) men seeke to finde in the conditions and maners of those with whome they must live: I meane, that they should apply them selves to the fansies & mindes of their friendes. But to live w^t suche people, so hard to please: whose love and friendship once wonne, is as easily lost, as a fine scarfe is lightly caried away with the winde: that is no life but a service: and, besides that it yealdeth no pleasure, it geves a man greate disdaine and horror. Let us therefore leave these softe and wanton behaviours to women.

In speach a man may fault many wayes. And first in the matter it selfe that is in talke, which may not be vaine or filthye. For, they that doe heare it, will not abide it: as y^e talk they take no pleasure to heare: but rather scorne the speache and the speaker both. Againe, a man must not move any question of matters that be to deepe & to subtile: because it is hardly understoode of the moste. And a man must warely foresee, that the matter bee suche, as none of the company may blushe to heare it, or receave any shame by the tale. Neither must he talke of any filthy matter, albeit a man would take a pleasure to heare it: for, it ill becomes an honest gentleman, to seeke to please, but in things that be honest.

Neither in sporte nor in earnest, must a man speake any thing against God or his Saintes, how witty or pleasaunt so ever the matter be. Wherein, the company that Giovan Boccaccio hathe brought to speake in his Novelles and tales, hath faulted so muche: that me thinkes every good body, may justly blame them for it. And you must thinke It is not only a token of great detestation & Impietie in a man, to talke in jestinge wise of God: but hee is a wicked & sinfull man, that will abide to heare it. But you shall finde some suche good men, as will flie asmuche as the plague, the company of such as talke so unreverently, and without respect, of the incomprehensible Majestie of God. And wee must not alone speake religiously of him: but in all our talkes wee must avoide what wee may, that our wordes may not witnes against our life and our workes. For men doe hate their owne faultes otherwhile, when they see them in another.

Likewise it is unsavourie, to talke of things out of time, not fitting the place and company: although the matter it selfe, and spoken in time, were otherwise both good and godly. We must not then reherse Friers sermones to young gentlewomen, when they are disposed to sporte them selves: as y^t good man did, that dwelles not farr hence, nere to S. Brancatio. And in feastes & at table, wee must beware wee doe not rehearse any sorowfull tales, nor put them in minde of woundes, of sicknes, of deathes, of Plagues, or of other dolefull matters. But if another man chaunce to move suche matter: it shalbe good, after an honest and gentell sorte, to exchaunge that talke, and thrust in some other, y^t may give them more delighte and pleasure to heare it. Albeit, not long since I heard it said to a worthy gentleman our neighbour, that Men have many times more neede to weepe then to laugh. And for that cause hee said, these dolefull tales, which wee call Tragedies, were devised at first, that when they were playd in the Theatres (as at that time they were wont) they might draw fourth teares out of their eyes, that had neede to spend them. And so they were by their weeping, healed of their infirmitie. But albeit it bee good to doe so: yet it will il become us to drive men into their dumpes: especially where they bee mett to feaste and to solace themselves, & not to mourne. For if there be any, y^t hath suche weeping disease: it will bee an easie matter to cure it, w^t stronge Mustard or a smoaky house. So that, in no wise, I can excuse our friend Philostrato, for his worke that hee made full of dule and of death, to suche a company as desired nothing more then mirthe. Wee must the rather use silence, then discourse of suche sorrowfull matters.

And they doe asmuche amisse too, that never have other thing in their mouthe, then their children, their wife, and their nourse. "My litle boy, made mee so laughe yesterday: heare you: you never sawe a sweeter babe in your life: my wife is such a one, Cecchina told mee: of troth you would not beleeve what a wit shee hath:" There is none so idle a body, that will either intend to answer, or abide to heare suche foolishe prittle prattle. For it ircks a mans eares to harken unto it.

There be some againe, so curious in telling their dreames from point to point, using such wonder and admiration withall, y^t it makes a mans hart ake to heare them: & specially because (for y^e most parte) they be such kinde of people: as it is but labour lost to heare, even the very best exploits they doe, when they be most awake, and labour most to shew their best. Wherfore we must not trouble men with so base and absurde matter as dreames bee: especially suche foolishe things, as most times men have. Albeit I have heard say many times, that wisemen in times past, have leaft in their bookes many sortes of dreames, conteining matters of deepe knowledge and understanding: it followeth not yet, that wee, the unlearned and common sorte of people, should use it in our familiar and common talke. And sure of all the dreames that ever I heard (albeit I hardly listen to any) in my conceit, I never heard any, that was worth the hearing but one alone, which the good Master Flaminio Tomarozzo a gentleman of Rome did see, a man not unlearned and grosse: but full of knowledge and singular witte. And thus was his dreame, This gentleman Master Flaminio Tomarozzo, thought he was sitting in a very riche Apothecaries shop, a neere neighbour of his. And after he had bin there a while (what soever the occasion was) the people were up in a rore one a sodaine, and fell to spoiling of all that was in the shoppe. One tooke an Electuarie, another a Confection, some one thing, some another, and presently eate it upp all: So that within a while, there was neither virell glasse, ertherne pot, wodden boxe, nor any potels of drugges, that was not emptied, broken, or overthrowne. But amongest them all, ther was one verye small glasse, full to the toppe of verie cleare water, which many did smell to, but no man would taste. He stoode not there long, but there came in a tall man, an aged and very grave man, to look unto. This Aged father beholding this unfortunate Apothecaries boxes and pottes, and finding some emptied, some overthrowne, and the better parte broken: At lenght casting his eye aside, he chaunced to see the smal glasse I spake of before, and setting the same to his mouthe, hee dranke it up so cleane: that he leaft not one droppe. And this doone, he went from thence as the rest did before. Master Flaminio was abashed and marveled muche at this matter. And therefore turning to the Apothecarie he saied unto him: Sir, whoe is this that came laste? and why did he drinke up so savourly, all the water in that litle glasse, which all the reast refused. To whome the Apothecarie seemed to make this aunswer. My sonne, this is the Lord God. And the water, that hee alone dranke, and all the reast refused and would not taste as you saw: was discretion: which, you know wel ynough men will not taste of, by any meanes.

Such kind of dreames, I hould well a man may rehearse, and heare with much pleasure and profit. Bycause they doe more resemble, the Cogitations & thoughts of an awakened minde: or better, I shoulde say, the vertue sensitive: then the visions and sights of a drowsie head. But those other dreames, without shape, fashion or sense: (which the moste parte of suche men as we are, bee wont to have) would be forgotten cleane, and lost with our sleepe. Howbeit, I doe not deny but the dreames of good men and learned, be better and wiser than theires of the wicked and more unlearned sorte.

And albeit a man would weene, there can bee nothing in the worlde more vaine then Dreames: yet there is one thing more light then they, and that are Lies. For there is yet some shadowe, and, as it were, a certaine feeling of that which a man hath seene in his dreame. But there is neither shadowe nor bodye of a trueth in a lie. And therfore we should lesse busie mens eares, and their mindes to harken to lies, then to dreames, because they bee otherwhile received for truethes. But time, in the ende, discovers suche pelfe: that liers, not only doe gaine no credite, but no man vouchesafes to harken unto them, in otherwise (as the men that carry no substaunce in their woordes) then if they had saide nothing or blowne a litle winde. And you shal understand, ther be many y^t use to lie, not minding any ill purpose in it, or to make their owne peculiar proffit by it, to hurt other men or shame their neighbour: onely they doe it, for a pleasure they take to tell a lie: as men that drinke not, all for thirst: but for a pleasure they take, to taste of the wine. Other some doe tell lies, to make a vaine glorious boasting of them selves: vaunting and telling in a bravery, what wonderfull exploits they have doone, or bearing men in hand, they be greate doctours and learned men.

In Silence too, after a sorte, without speache, a man may tell a lesinge: I meane with his gestures and grace: as some you shall see, that being of meane, or rather base condition and calling, use suche a solemnitie in all their doings, and marche so stately, and speake with suche a prerogative, or rather discourse like Parleament men, setteling them selves, as it were, in a place of Judgement, proudly prying about them like Peacockes: that it is a very death to behold them.

And some suche you shall finde, that allthough they bee combered with no more wealthe then easily serves their turne: yet will they never appeare unles their neckes be laden with chaines, their fingers full of rings, their cappes beset with agletts, and every other parte bespangled, as though they would defie y^e King of Castiglio. Whose behaviours be full of follies and vaine glorie, which cometh of pride, growing of vanitie it selfe. So that wee must eschew these faults, as foule and unseemely things. You shall understand, in many Cities, and those of the best, the lawes doe not suffer, that riche men should go muche more gorgeously attired, then the poore. For poore men thinke they have a wrong: when men seeme, but in countenaunce alone, as it were Imperiously to reigne over them. So that we must carefully beware we fall not into these follies.

Neither must a man boaste of his Nobilitie, his Honour or riches: muche lesse vaunt of his witt, or gloriously reherse to much of his deedes & valiant Actes, or what his Auncestors have done, nor uppon every occasion, fall in rehersall of suche thinges, as many men doe. For in suche case, a man would weene, they seeke, either to contend with the Company, (if they be, or will take uppon them to bee, as good Gentlemen, & of as muche wealthe and worthines, as they bee:) or elles to overcrowe them, (if they live in meaner condition and calling, then they doe). And as it were to upbraide them, their poore and base condition of life.

A man must neither embase, nor exalte him selfe to muche out of measure: but rather bury in silence some parte of his merits, then arrogate to muche unto him. Bycause Goodnes it selfe, when it excedeth muche, is ever envide of some. And you may be sure, they that embase them selves thus beyond measure, refusing that worship and honour that is but duely their owne of very right: shewe more pride in this contempte, then they that usurpe those things, that are not so due unto them. So y^t a man perchaunce, might saye, Giotto hath not deserved those Commendations y^t some beleve, in y^t he refused to be called Master: being not only a master but without doubt a singular and cunning master in his art in those dayes. But be it blame, or praise y^t he deserved: it is most sure, he that refuseth that which every man els doth hunt for: sheweth therin, he reproveth or contemneth the common opinion of men. And, to contemne the honour & renowne, which other men gape for so much, is but to glorie and magnifie him selfe above other. For asmuche as there is no man (without he be mad) will refuse and reject things that be deare and of price: unles hee be suche, as hathe plenty and store of those deare and deintie things.