Part 2

Case 3. B. 3, g. 3½. Have been deeply in love since their third week in kindergarten. Rose not so jealous as Russel. She always watches for his coming, and runs to meet him the moment he enters the room. They sit together at the table and in the circle, and cry if separated. They are very free and unrestrained in showing their love by kissing, hugging, and by many little attentions.

Case 4. B. 3, g. 3. My little nephew of three and a little neighbor girl of the same age had a most affectionate love for each other, and were not at all shy about it. They would kiss each other when they met, and seemed to think it all right. The little boy used to tell me that they would marry when grown. This continued about two and a half years; then the girl's parents moved away, much to the grief of both children. The little boy would often climb up and take the girl's photograph from the mantle and kiss it.

Case 5. B. 3, g. 3. My nephew of three manifested an ardent passion for a small girl of about the same age. He followed her about with dog-like persistence. Being an only child he was very selfish, never sharing anything with other children. But Bessie became the recipient of all his playthings. His hoard of treasures was laid at her feet. Nothing was good enough for her, nor could he be dressed fine enough when she was around. On one occasion, a large boy picked Bessie up to fondle her, whereupon her jealous lover seized a hatchet and attacked his rival. He imperiously demanded a dollar from me one day in order that he might buy Bessie and have her ‘all for his own.’ He is now six, and loves her as much as ever.

Case 6. I know of two young people who have been lovers since babyhood. As they grew up their love for each other assumed different aspects. During the first seven years of their lives their love was open and frank, showing no restriction of the regard they felt. Caresses and embraces were indulged in as freely and unrestrictedly as might have been between two little girls. But when school life began and they became exposed to the twits and teasings of their playmates there developed a shy timidity and reserve when in the presence of others. Though they have been separated for long periods at different times their love has continued.

Case 7. Both about five years old when they first showed signs of love that I observed. May have begun earlier. Lasted four years. Broken up by girl's parents moving away. Love was mutual without any signs of jealousy that I could see. Exchanged gifts, such as candy, nuts, flowers, etc. Their actions at first very free either when alone or in the presence of others. Later they became somewhat shy in the presence of others, but free when alone. Upon the girl's moving away the boy showed very deep feeling of sorrow. Do not know about the girl.

Case 8. My little brother at the age of four was very much in love with a little girl two years of age. He used to lead the little girl around, caress her tenderly, and talk lovingly to her. He always divided with her the playthings he most appreciated. He often said he expected to marry her. While the little girl did not object to his demonstrations, she seemed to care more for a young man thirty-three years of age, and called him her sweetheart. The little boy became jealous, and finally gave her up. After they entered school together the little girl became very fond of my brother, and always managed to sit or stand next to him in the class if possible, but he had lost all interest in her, and never cared for her again.

Case 9. B. 6, g. 5. They had been lovers for about two years. They did not get to be together often since they lived in different towns. Their families were relatives and exchanged visits. Upon one occasion when of the age indicated above they met at the home of Jeaness's grandfather. Edgar came late. Jeaness was seated upon a hassock in the parlor where there were several guests. Upon Edgar's entering the door, she saw him and, as her little face beamed with evident delight, she arose and met him in the middle of the room. They were immediately in each others arms. Edgar's mother, seeing the vigor with which he was hugging Jeaness, said to him with concern: “Why, Edgar, you will hurt Jeaness.” Jeaness, who evidently was better able to judge, archly turned her head and with a smile that meant much, said: “No, he won't.”

Case 10. B. 2, g. 2. One afternoon last summer two of my little cousins, Florence twenty-three months old and Harold two years old, were spending the day at my home. They had never met until that day. Florence is an only child and is inclined to have her own way, and isn't willing to give up to other children. Harold has rather a sunny disposition. They had not been with each other more than an hour before they were sitting on the porch and Florence had her arms around Harold. She was very willing to give up to him and share all she had. They played together the remainder of the day, and were very affectionate. Ever since then they have been very devoted to each other, and it is very beautiful to watch them in all their little ways of indicating their love for each other.

Case 11. I attended a wedding last June which was the outcome of a striking illustration of this love. I will tell the story as the bride's mother told it to me. “This does not seem like a marriage to me but just one more step in a friendship which began when Minnie and Theo were babies. Before either could walk they would sit on the floor and play with each other--never having any trouble over playthings, but sharing everything alike. Theo would break bits of cake and put in Minnie's mouth, and then both would laugh as though it were a great joke. If they were separated both would cry. As they grew up the friendship grew stronger, and Theo always called Minnie his 'little wife.' At school they were always lovers, and when we moved here it was understood that when Minnie was twenty-one Theo should come for her. During their entire lives I do not know of a single quarrel between them.”

Case 12. One bright morning I noticed a little boy sitting in front of me who had not been there before. He turned around occasionally to look at me, and presently smiled. Of course I returned the smile, thinking that he was the sweetest little fellow that I had ever seen. This was the beginning of a love that lasted for several years. He was six, and I was the same age. On the next day he brought me a pretty picture, and after that paid so much attention to me that he was soon acknowledged to be my lover. Neither of us was the least bit shy over it. He did not care to play with the other boys and I did not care to play with the girls. We were not contented unless we were together. He freely confessed his love to me and confided all of his joys and sorrows in me. For three years and more he seemed to care as much for me as I did for him. When he came to our home to play with my brothers he usually forgot them and played with me. At dinner mamma always seated us side-by-side. We planned our marriage; his father who was a minister was to perform the ceremony. We discussed wedding dresses, bridesmaids and breakfasts with great seriousness. One day,--the fatal one to my childish happiness, a new girl came to school. I could not help noticing how often his eyes turned from me to her, and feared a rival from the first. He wanted her to play with us, and although I far rather would have preferred being alone with him, I hid my feelings and asked her. I tried to treat her kindly because I knew that it would please him. One day he asked me with great hesitation if I objected to his having two sweethearts. I smothered my jealous feelings and replied that I did not if he would marry me. He told me that he would, that he loved me,--in a way that was a compensation for my sacrifice. For some time the other girl and I got along very well as sister sweethearts; but I soon saw that she was receiving all of the caresses, and I concluded that I would not have it so. We had an interview. He said that he still loved me, but he gave me plainly to understand that he would be pleased to have me withdraw. Of course I did so, but was determined never to let either of them know that I cared. After a time they grew tired of each other, and he came to ask my forgiveness and make up, but by that time I had an older and as I thought better sweetheart; so he was left to repent his rash action while sweetheart number two captured some one else more suited to her taste.

CHARACTERISTICS OF THE SECOND STAGE.

The second stage in the development of the emotion of sex-love extends in time from the eighth year to about the twelfth year in girls and to the fourteenth year in boys. It is characterized by the appearance of shyness, of modesty, especially in girls, of self-consciousness and consequent efforts toward self-repression; by the inhibition of the spontaneous, impulsive love-demonstrations so freely indulged in during the previous stage. The boys are more secretive than the girls, but the tendency to conceal the love is present in both. This is the reason why fewer returns came for the years eight to twelve than for the years before and after this period. The children were to a degree successful in hiding their love and so passed unobserved. To the observer who does not depend upon the more demonstrative signs but who sees the less obvious but equally indicative ones, the emotion is easily detected. There is a conspicuous absence of pairing. The lover and sweetheart are not often seen alone together. On the other hand, they are much confused and embarrassed when circumstances do bring them into each other's presence. Mutual confessions are seldom made,--at least, not directly, face to face. Some confess to friends, but this is usually done very reluctantly. Some confess through notes delivered by friends, or passed in some secret way; some reveal it by defending the sweetheart when she is being “talked about,” in many of which cases boys fight most spiritedly for the honor of the one they love. Some never confess,--neither to friends nor to lover. Some boys deny that they are in love and speak slightingly about their sweetheart, but afterwards confess. Then there are the revelations through gifts that are nearly always delivered in some secret manner, in many instances of which the giver leaves no clue that would reveal his identity; in other instances cards or notes are left, but it is rare to find lovers in this stage giving gifts face to face. Another indication that will not escape the close observer and which the confessions especially reveal, is that of the boy lover off at a distance, “feasting his eyes” upon every movement of his “girl” who may know absolutely nothing about his devotion. He may be seen following her about the playground or along the street, always, however, at a safe distance. Although modesty shows itself as a characteristic trait of the girl even at this early age, she is on the whole more aggressive in these early love affairs than the boy and less guarded about revealing her secret. However, the impulse to conceal the emotion,--to inhibit its direct manifestations--is fundamental to this stage of the emotion's development in both sexes and is, as we shall see later, of the deepest significance.

As in every other field of investigation, so here, we find that not all of the facts conform to our classification. Thus occasionally couples between eight and twelve or fourteen years of age are found who enjoy each other's company and so pair off and freely express their feelings as they do in the previous stage and also in the one that follows. The boys of these couples are generally those of effeminate tendencies who have been accustomed to play with girls instead of with boys. They are never very highly respected by the other boys, and later, at adolescence, are tolerated by the girls rather than respected and sought by them. Again there are individuals who are very timid in their general disposition, and are consequently undemonstrative and inhibitive at all times.

We have emphasized the fact that children that have sex-love in this second stage of its development, as a rule, avoid all direct expressions of their feelings and that lovers are awkward, embarrassed, self-conscious and ill-at-ease in each other's presence. This is true when the conditions are such that their personalities meet in mutual recognition without a third thing as a shield. They are not yet in that stage of development wherein they, themselves, become the chief objects of conversation and wherein endearments and compliments become the chief stock-in-trade. However, the emotion has its expression indirectly through games, plays and other incidents that can be used as masks. Instead of direct contact of personalities through the love confession as such, it is long-circuited through some conventionality. In this regard the games of children are used very effectively. The following games are the ones which I have personally seen used oftenest: Post-office, Clap-in-clap-out, Snap-and-catch-it, Skip-to-my-Lou, Way-down-in-the-Paw-Paw-Patch, King-William, London-Bridge, Thread-the-Needle, Picking Grapes, Digging-a-Well, Black-Man, Prison-Base, Tag, All-I-Want-is-a-Handsome-Man, Green Gravel, Down-in-the-Meadow, All-Around-this-Pretty-Little-Maid. These are merely the ones that have seemed favorites and by no means exhaust the list of love games that I have seen used. Out of eighty-three games of Washington (D. C.) children reported in the American Anthropologist, by W. H. Babcock, as many as thirty are love games. In this, as in the previous stage, the embrace is the most important love expression and stimulus. But in this stage it takes on disguised forms or is excused by the ceremony of the games. Some are kissing games, e. g., Post-Office, Paw-Paw-Patch, King William, Picking Grapes, Digging-a-Well, etc.; some are hugging games, e. g., London Bridge, Thread-the-Needle, etc., and some involve both hugging and kissing, e. g., Green Grows the Willow Tree. The kiss is not the frank love kiss given and received as such, but one called for by the rules of the game. This makes the kissing relatively impersonal and enables the young lovers thoroughly to enjoy the love communication without the awkward embarrassment that would come to them if the expression were not thus long-circuited through the game. The charm of the whole thing is in the fact that under the guise of a ceremony love has its way.

It will be helpful here to give a brief analysis of a few of the games as types. King William is a choosing and kissing game, involving among its details, the following lines:

King William was King James's son, Upon a royal race he run; Upon his breast he wore a star, That was to all a sign of war. Go look to the east, go look to the west And choose the one that you love best, If she's not there to take your part, Choose the next one to your heart. Down on this carpet you must kneel As sure as the grass grows in the field. Salute your bride and kiss her sweet, Then rise again upon your feet.

The game is played by an equal number of couples and one odd boy who is King William. With hands joined, all forming a circle with King William in the center, the sentiment of the lines is acted out to music, thereby adding the charm of rhythmic dance which is so pleasurably intoxicating to the young and which has been taken advantage of by lovers during all ages. At the conclusion of the lines, King William joins the circle, leaving his bride to choose as the lines are sung again, and so on. Post-Office is another one of the most popular kissing games. It is an indoors game and requires two rooms, one to be used as the post-office, the other as an assembly room for the girls and boys. One of the number is chosen to be postmaster, and is stationed at the door of the post-office; another is elected to start the game by entering the post-office, closing the door and indicating to the postmaster the one for whom there are letters and the number of letters. This is then announced in the assembly room by the postmaster, and the girl (if it was a boy who started the game) is expected to respond by coming to the post-office and getting her mail, which means granting a kiss for each letter. She then remains in the post-office to indicate her choice to the postmaster, while the boy joins the others in the assembly room, and the game thus goes on indefinitely. The postmaster is usually granted, as his fee, the privilege of kissing each girl whose mail he announces. Picking Grapes is a game that calls for as many kisses as there are bunches to be picked. It further involves the holding of hands, and is not infrequently so arranged as to have the boy's arms about the girl's waist. Digging a Well is similar to Picking Grapes, and calls for as many kisses as there are feet in depth to be dug. In competition games where forfeits are sold there is no limit to the devices for indirect love expressions except the fertility and ingenuity in invention of the young people, and every one knows that in this particular regard their resources are well nigh inexhaustible. London Bridge is made use of to satisfy the hugging impulse. The game is played as follows. Two leaders agree upon two objects, for example, a horse-and-carriage and a piano,--as badges of their respective parties. Then they join hands and raise them to form an archway that represents London Bridge. The others in the game form a line and pass under this archway while all are singing:

You stole my watch and broke my chain, Broke my chain, broke my chain, You stole my watch and broke my chain, So fare you well my lady love.

Off to prison you must go, You must go, you must go, Off to prison you must go, So fare you well, my lady love.

The leaders may at any time let their hands drop down and catch any one in the line that is passing through. The procession then stops and the prisoner is asked in a whisper, “Which would you rather have, a horse-and-carriage or a piano?” According to the choice he or she passes around and locks his hands about the leader's waist. The second one who makes the same choice locks her hands about the first one's waist, and so on till all have in turn been made captive and have joined one or the other side. The two lines, whose leaders still face each other with hands joined, are now ready for the struggle that ends in the downfall of London Bridge. The following stanzas are sung, at the conclusion of which the pulling begins that usually results in a general downfall and tumbling over one another:

London Bridge is falling down, Falling down, falling down, London Bridge is falling down, So fare you well, my lady love.

What will it take to build it up, Build it up, build it up? What will it take to build it up? So fare you well, my lady love.

Lime and water will build it up, Build it up, build it up. Lime and water will build it up, So fare you well, my lady love.

Blackman is a catching and clutching game, and furnishes the opportunity for hugging long enough for saying, “One, two, three, pretty good blackman for me;” and it often happens that this is not said as rapidly as it could be,--especially if it be the favored one who is caught. Of course there is much promiscuous catching, and the game is satisfying other instincts than that of love, for instance the instinct of pursuing and catching; but it is quite noticeable that the boys have their favorite girls and catch them first, often showing jealousy if the girls are caught by any one else. The girls are often aggressive in selecting boys to catch in the event that they themselves are caught first. Prison-Base and Handkerchief are pursuing and touching games, and furnish opportunity for indirect love confessions. Skip-to-My-Lou involves the choice of “My Lou” together with skipping with her, which is done while holding her hand or with arm about her waist as in round dancing. Green Grows the Willow Tree, involves holding hands, hugging and kissing. It is a ring game, with the one who does the choosing placed in the middle of the ring. The following is the song that furnishes the suggestions for the acting that accompanies it:

Green grows the willow tree, Green grows the willow tree. Come my love where have you been? Come and sit at the side of me. O, how she blushes so! Kiss her sweet and let her go, But don't you let her mother know.

Tag and I Spy are other games that furnish opportunities for love to discriminate in favor of its chosen ones. In fact there is scarcely a social game indulged in by both sexes wherein the incidents are not turned to the emotion's account by the young lovers. It must not be understood that all of the children who take part in these games are to be considered as lovers. As was suggested above the games may appeal to many other instincts and be indulged in on that account rather than on account of the love sentiment that characterizes them. On the other hand many of the games whose content does not suggest love may be turned into a love opportunity and expression.

The routine of the school furnishes other opportunities that are taken advantage of. Lovers will manage some way to sit or stand together, and are thrilled by touching. One boy who sat behind his sweetheart would place his arm along the back of the desk where she would come in contact with it. Others carry on their courtship by touching their feet under the desks, etc. It is common to see favoritism in recitations wherein pupils make the corrections; the lover seldom corrects the sweetheart, and vice versa. In contests such as spelling, words are purposely misspelled in order to favor the sweetheart or to keep from “turning her down.” The eye glance is another means as efficacious with children as with adults. One pair of young lovers, whose unsympathetic teacher forbade their looking at each other, brought hand mirrors by means of which they continued to exchange their “love messages.”

Few teachers complain of the love affairs of children in these first two periods as interfering with school work,--except when one of the lovers is absent. A score or more of the observers assert that during the absence of one of the lovers, the other does not do as good work and often becomes moody and irritable. On the other hand it very materially quickens the efforts of many who want to appear well before their lovers. One boy, nine years old, who had been quite lazy and was looked upon as being rather dull, braced up and for two years led his class, in order, as he said, “to win his Ottilia.” During the adolescent stage that follows this the emotion becomes so intense and all absorbing as to interfere very much with school work, or with anything else that requires application.